21/08/2022
Long post… but f**k it.
So, I never took that test. I struggled like hell to reach the score I needed to take it and came up ONE point short. TWICE.
And with that, I likely won’t be taking STEP until… next summer. Which is certainly not what I wanted or planned… but it was divine and necessary
This experience has completely shifted my lens. My view of the test, school, my life, my relationships and motherhood… were so distorted and limiting. I was attached to struggling and exhausting myself in order to feel worthy of the things I wanted. An extremely self defeating hot mess okay 😂.
The reality of this unexpected break is FORCING me to pause and breathe. To pay attention, to be intentional, to reassess my why and remember the power I have (we all have) to create in this life. The creation can come from struggle, scarcity, victimhood or it can come from faith and imagination. I know what I’m choosing now and I’m giving myself grace for slipping into a lower vibration.
AND a break means more time for me to mommy my baby who is patiently sharing me with my deranged career choice. AND to reconnect with my home, friends and family especially now that I’m home.
Anywho, the celebration yesterday was basically a middle of medschool celebration to make up for things we couldn’t do when we started medschool in a pandemic… Which was right on time considering how much I desperately needed some feel good moments about medicine.
So grateful for my CHM family, my real family, my friends (who I miss dearly) and all the congratulations and support from you guys 💗. Just wanted to be clear though… I’m still in school, and have at least 6 more years of training to go before I’m an attending physician (school and residency). Hope that helps for those watching and wondering what the hell is going on