26/03/2026
After my last post and a month or so of full time work prepping, building, registering, recruiting and networking, I began to slow down enough to listen to my heart.
We all have these nervous system responses you know?
And mine is always 100% of the time - fight.
Fight people, myself, systems, whatever.
I just fight.
When I heard Deak’s program was closing I was devastated - literally devastated. I didn’t even breathe before jumping into action because the idea of Deak going somewhere new where we both didn’t know what to expect was debilitating.
Through all of my efforts (I’ve made it through several layers of state certification!), something felt off. Timing? Federal/state funding? Capacity? I don’t know. Some things didn’t fall into place which created hesitation. But most importantly my body began to feel something I knew I needed to address despite the overwhelming fight response that had taken over.
Around this time we discovered a local program for Deak that came recommended by people we trust. I began to wonder if the solution to my hesitation was manifesting (at least temporarily). We tried it twice for a couple of hours at a time and Deak did great adjusting. Next week he will give it a go for a week.
I’ve never been good at pause - it requires so much patterned override and intention. I’m soooooo wired to push through my body signals and capacity (first born daughter 🫠). Yet, I recognize that something needs to open up in my life before I (frankly) have the time to build something new.
So, I guess this public space is a way to demonstrate the accountability to the work I share with so many clients. It’s WORK. It’s real hard to shift direction from a hot wired nervous system and do something different.
I feel pretty confident that Dignity will have its time (I’ve put wayyyy too much work into it!)
But for right now - I’m going to pause for a few and figure out what I’m missing before diving all the way in.
