Lisa Bollow - The Integrated Life Project

04/02/2026

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04/02/2026

I created this to help clients understand what happens during REM sleep. Sharing it here for those of you who are interested in sleep architecture, nightmares, and dream impact.

I'd love your questions and comments. Also, if you'd like more information like this, let me know in the comments or message me.

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🧠 How REM Sleep Works (and Why Nightmares Happen)
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Lisa Bollow, MA, LPC-R, NCC®, EMDR PT-I®, CMCC, NPT-C®
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When you sleep, your brain goes through different stages. One of the most important stages is called REM sleep, which stands for Rapid Eye Movement sleep.

REM sleep is when:
*Most dreaming happens
*Emotions and memories are processed
*The brain tries to “sort through” stressful or emotional experiences

Think of REM sleep as your brain’s overnight emotional clean-up crew.
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What Your Brain Is Supposed to Do During REM Sleep

During healthy REM sleep:
*Your body is deeply relaxed and still
*Your brain replays emotional memories without overwhelming fear
*Your nervous system learns: “This happened, but it’s over now”

This is how emotional experiences slowly lose their intensity over time.
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Why REM Sleep Feels So Real

During REM sleep:
*The emotional part of the brain is very active
*The logical, thinking part of the brain is quieter
*Stress chemicals are supposed to be turned down

That’s why dreams can feel vivid, emotional, or symbolic—even if they don’t make logical sense.
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Why Nightmares Happen

Nightmares occur when REM sleep gets interrupted by stress chemistry.

Instead of calming down during REM:
*The brain stays in threat mode
*Fear chemicals stay turned on
*The body reacts as if danger is happening right now

This creates dreams that feel:
*Intense or terrifying
*Repetitive
*Urgent or life-threatening

Nightmares are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign that your nervous system is still trying to protect you.
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An Important Reframe: Nightmares Are Not “Bad Dreams”

Nightmares are best understood as:

“My brain is trying to finish processing something that felt unsafe or overwhelming.”

They often show up when:
*Someone has experienced trauma or chronic stress
*The nervous system hasn’t had a chance to fully calm yet
*Emotional memories are stored in the body, not just in words

Your brain is not broken. It is working overtime.
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Why You Can’t “Think Yourself Out” of Nightmares

REM sleep does not respond to logic or willpower.

During REM:
*The thinking brain is mostly offline
*The emotional and body-based brain is in charge

That’s why:
*Telling yourself “it’s not real” doesn’t stop a nightmare
*Insight alone doesn’t prevent them
*Feeling safer in your body matters more than understanding the dream

Nightmares change when the nervous system changes.
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How Therapy Helps Nightmares

Therapy helps by:
*Teaching your nervous system how to feel safe again
*Helping your brain finish processing emotional memories
*Reducing the need for your brain to replay danger during sleep

As this happens, many people notice:
*Fewer nightmares
*Less intense dreams
*Falling back asleep more easily
*Feeling less afraid of sleep itself

Sometimes nightmares fade before you consciously understand why.

A Reassuring Truth

Nightmares are not a failure of healing. They are often a sign that healing is trying to happen. With the right support, your brain can relearn: “I don’t have to stay on watch anymore. I’m allowed to rest.”

04/02/2026

Stop the autopilot ....

The first step in awareness is interruption.

Before reacting, explaining, defending, correcting, or pushing through, pause and ask:

> What am I feeling right now?
> What is happening in my body?
> What thought or pressure is strongest in this moment?
> What is my impulse?

This creates a small but important gap between experience and reaction.

04/01/2026

Over the last few months I have added a new layer to my work, I guess you could say I'm bring my life prior to therapy to my current scope.

It dawned on me one day that leaders are struggling with cognitive burdens in business. What I use in practice is also useful for high-performing leaders and executives. So, occasionally, I'll provide some insight into topics that seem to scratch an itch in that lane.

Here's my latest article: https://integratedlifeproject.substack.com/p/the-quiet-erosion-of-clarity-under

04/01/2026

Thought for the day:

Awareness does not usually arrive all at once. It is built through repeated observation, reflection, and honest pattern recognition over time.

For many people, the challenge is not that they are completely unaware. It is that they are moving so quickly, or have adapted so thoroughly, that they no longer notice what is shaping them in real time.

Creating awareness begins by slowing down enough to observe what is happening without immediately trying to fix it, deflect it, or ignore what is rumbling beneath the surface.

Today, if you feel stressed or tension around your work or relationships, pause...observe...connect with your thoughts before moving forward.

03/31/2026

What does it mean for you to live an integrated life?

03/17/2026

Excited to learn from Dr. Dan Siegel in DC over the next two days.

03/17/2026

Headed to DC for a 2-Day Attachment & Personality Patterns Specialist training with Dr. Dan Siegel.

03/17/2026

Know the signs…

02/21/2026

Spending a quick weekend back home in California. I’m reminded that for all of the years that I had the opportunity to live here, there were times where this view became normal and somewhat unappreciated. Living in the moment, recognizing the beauty, and taking time to breathe it all in.

01/26/2026

When the mind won’t stop talking… the body often can’t be heard.

Frequently, in session, clients describe emotional and physical symptoms like tightness, unease, restlessness. When this happens, I invite them to slow down and notice what they are experiencing in their body. Often, their “mind” quickly pulls them somewhere else. Within seconds, they move from feeling their body to analyzing their behavior, and offering theories rather than sensations.

The challenge in these situations is this: the body is trying to speak but the mind refused to let it finish its sentence. This pattern is far more common than many people realize.

Healing doesn’t start when we understand the story.

Healing begins when the body feels safe enough to come back online.

If you find yourself “living in your head,” please know: it’s not weakness. It’s protection. And with support, you can learn to reconnect—slowly, gently, safely.

https://open.substack.com/pub/integratedlifeproject/p/when-the-mind-wont-stop-talking?r=1ggaya&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

01/26/2026

Interesting point.

When an anxious partner is caught off guard, their body doesn’t just feel disappointed. It feels unsafe. Sudden changes, dropped plans, emotional withdrawal, or big decisions without warning can land as a shock to the attachment system, triggering fear, protest, and a deep sense of being unprotected.