04/05/2020
I take my Little White Pills. Every morning like clockwork. Not because I am weak. But because I am brave.
I take my Little White Pills. Not because the person in the mirror isn’t enough. But because I want to be the best version of who God made me.
I take my Little White Pills. Not because I believe that God can’t heal my mind if He chooses. But because I believe He gave people the wisdom to make this medicine to help people like me.
I take my Little White Pills. Because I love my husband. I want to be a wife who can stand by my man and give him what he needs, like he is standing by my side and supporting me right now.
I take my Little White Pills. Not because I’m a bad mom, but because I want to be a mom who can love her kids fully. Because I want to be giggling and playing with them on the living room floor more than I am curled up and crying on the closet floor.
I take my Little White Pills. Not because I want to be the person I used to be. But because my mind and my heart are being made new.
Postpartum Depression and anxiety are and always will be a part of my story. And I’ve come to realize that that’s ok. It has changed me. I will never be the same.
But. It. Does. Not. Define. Me.
And neither do my Little White Pills.
So this morning, I took my Little White Pills. And I walked over to the hospital bassinet, and picked up my two-day old daughter, a little bit stronger than who I was the day before. Thank you Jesus for the grace you have given me in my Little White Pills, and that they have allowed me the gift of continuing to be the Mommy that God calls me to be.
“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:18-19
*I originally wrote this post three years ago, and confidently share it again. If you find yourself needing to reach out for help, let me remind you that you are NOT a failure. Rather, you are once again taking the steps to becoming the woman God longs for you to be and the woman you deserve to be.*
*via From Blacktop to Dirt Road (shared with permission)