https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/liz-k-seitz-houston-tx/74342

Liz Seitz - Psychotherapist / Individuals and Couples, Houston, TX (2026)

12/01/2025

We’ve all been there, either we’re the one who’s done it or we’ve been on the receiving end of it or both. Kitchen-sinking is one of the most common tactics or reflexes used in a relationship when couples are in conflict.

When a couple’s arguing and one partner starts throwing out all the other one’s past mistakes or transgressions, it quickly derails the conversation.

Kitchen-sinking only serves to escalate the tension and delay any opportunity to resolve the issue at hand.

If you’re the one who tends to use this in arguments, please reconsider, as it only leaves people feeling discouraged, resentful, and defeated. And it definitely doesn’t build trust in your ability as a couple to navigate conflict in a productive, effective way.

If you’re partner is the one to do this, calmly say, “Babe, I really want to resolve this with you but I’d really appreciate it if we could stay on task.” If you want, you can add, “If there are issues from the past you think we still need to resolve, I’m happy for us to address those but now is not the time.”

If they persist, you can say, “Please come get me when you’re ready to talk about _______ (fill in the blank with the conflict du jour).”

Ultimately, you want conflicts to be addressed in a way that leaves both parties feeling heard, understood and satisfied with how the issue was resolved. The purpose of conflict is not to dig up all your old arguments but rather to clear away and repair any misunderstanding or hurt so you can preserve and possibly even deepen the connection between you.

11/24/2025

One of the great pain points for couples centers around the cruel reality that what one partner most needs is the very thing that the other partner struggles to provide.

Whether it’s regarding physical intimacy, words of affirmation, compliments, appreciation, patience, empathy or unconditional love, the experience of neglect or denial leads to hurt and resentment.

By understanding more about our own internal struggles or conflicts around a particular issue, we can gain much needed insight into why certain things are difficult for us to give our partner.

Sometimes it’s because what’s being asked of us is something we were never given so we’ve denied the importance of it.

Sometimes it’s because of the messages we’ve learned to associate with the particular thing that our partner desires.

Sometimes without realizing it, we’re recreating a familiar dynamic from childhood of longing and neglect, frustration and loss.

The more we can understand ourselves, the easier it will be to understand our relationships. And the more open we can be to personal growth and healing, the more we can learn to respond differently to our partner’s desire.

11/17/2025

Someone with an avoidant attachment style isn’t born with a tough exterior but they develop one in response to childhood experiences where their emotional needs were unmet.

Due to their fear of rejection and abandonment, they use emotional and physical distance as a way to feel safe. Like a turtle, they retreat into their shell when they feel threatened or overwhelmed.

They want to be close but they fear it at the same time. Many avoidants have convinced themselves they don’t need anyone and that they’re better off alone. This feels like a safer scenario than needing someone who could hurt you or leave you.

The “soft center” is there but it’s difficult for the avoidant to acknowledge and it’s definitely difficult for their partner to access.

Being an avoidant can be very lonely and unsatisfying and being in a relationship with an avoidant can be extremely painful.

If you’re an avoidant, know that you come by this honestly and based on your history, your fear of vulnerability makes perfect sense. Also know that it doesn’t always have to be like this. If you’re willing to do the work, you can learn how to heal the past and manage your fears in a different way.

And if you’re in a relationship with an avoidant, as much as it may feel like it, this is not personal. With patience, grace and a willing partner, you can learn how to navigate this together.

11/12/2025

The old saying goes: “Women marry men hoping that they’ll change. Men marry women hoping they’ll never change. And they both end up disappointed.”

There is definitely some truth to this. Hoping someone will change is never a good idea. We can’t be more invested in someone being a certain kind of way than they are.

As Maya Angelou used to say, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”

If what you want and need to see and feel isn’t what you’re seeing and feeling, then call a spade a spade and say what’s true.

If the person responds with sensitivity and compassion and seems genuinely willing to work on things, that’s a great sign. But if they minimize, deny or dismiss your feelings or experience, then you don’t have a partner, you have a project.

Wanting something from someone that they don’t want for themselves is a recipe for disaster.

All relationships require effort and work but it shouldn’t be so hard that you’re feeling depleted, depressed, dismissed or disappointed on a regular basis.

Make sure that the things that most matter to you are already there.

11/05/2025

Be careful not to want something so badly that you ignore signs that this person isn’t it. What I see so many of my clients do (and we’ve all probably done at one time or another, I know I have) is to ignore red flags or even subtle warning signs because they want a relationship to work out.

Overlooking things that don’t work for you or don’t sit well with you will only set you up for disappointment and heartache. When we make excuses for someone’s behavior or minimize the effect it has on us, we’re enabling our own hurt.

Convincing yourself that something isn’t a big deal when deep in your gut you know it is may buy you some time but it won’t lead to the result you want.

When we want something so badly, we tend to see what we want to see and ignore everything else. The wanting can cloud our judgment.

Be clear about what really matters to you in a partner and tell yourself the truth about whether or not you have it.

10/28/2025

It’s so important to remember that whenever we get emotionally activated in a relationship, all our critical thinking skills are greatly compromised and basically nonexistent.

Next time you’re feeling triggered in a conversation with your partner, take a deep breath and call for a time-out.

Taking a break to cool down, breathing slowly and deeply until you feel your blood pressure lower and your heart rate slow will buy you time to rejoin your partner with a nervous system that is calm versus activated.
Before you return to them, make sure you remind yourself that that this is not your enemy, despite how it may feel in the moment.

Find a comfortable place to sit, look into each other’s eyes and remind each other that you’re on the same team.

State your intention to understand each other better while, at the same time time, preserving the connection between you.

10/21/2025

We all have moments when anxiety and stress can overwhelm us and wreak havoc on our nervous system, if we let it.

Instead of letting the overwhelm overtake you, put your hand on your heart, take some slow, deep breaths and tell yourself this very simple mantra:
“I’m ok, I’m safe, I’m loved and I can do this.”

Repeat it as many times as you need until you feel the stress begin to melt away and the anxiety release its hold on you. You’ve got this!

10/14/2025

It’s often our knee-jerk reaction to respond to our partner’s complaint or disappointment with defensiveness or counter-attack. This rarely, if ever, goes well.

If instead, you can pause to reflect on what’s being said and really sit with it for a moment, it not only buys you time but it also makes your partner feel you care.

You can mirror back what you hear them saying without adding commentary of your own. You might say, “So what I hear you saying is when I’m looking at my phone while you’re telling me something, it makes you feel that what you have to say isn’t important to me. Is that right?”

The first part is just acknowledging what you heard and the second part is you checking with them to make sure you got it right.

If you can deliver this without any sarcasm or frustration in your voice, it can have a powerful effect on your partner.

Once confirmed that you heard them correctly, you can say, “That makes sense that you’d feel that way. I’m really sorry. That’s definitely not the message I want to send to you.”

And then you can follow it up with something like, “I’ll make a conscious effort to make sure I put down my phone when you want to tell me something. And if I’m in the middle of responding to a text or email, I’ll let you know that I just need to send it real quickly and that as soon as I hit send, you’ll have my full attention. Will that work?”

Hopefully your partner will appreciate that message and find the qualifier to be reasonable. If not, then it’s up to them to say how they might wish to tweak it.

We’re all entitled to ask for what we need or desire in a relationship. It’s no guarantee that we’ll get it but the hope is that we feel comfortable to ask and we ask in a way that comes across as a request versus a demand.

And, of course, you hope that your partner has a genuine desire to grant that request, as long as it feels reasonable and doable. If not, then ideally some healthy negotiation can follow and there can be a mutually-agreed upon compromise that feels good to both of you.

10/06/2025

We often make assumptions about other people’s motives and we are rarely, if ever, 100% accurate. The motives we ascribe to someone inform the way we feel about them and how we behave towards them.

Couples make this mistake all the time. One partner ascribes negative motives to the other’s actions or words and proves them guilty without any trial.

This only leads to anger, counterattack and hurt. When we automatically assume our partner has negative intentions for saying or doing something, we treat them accordingly.

The accused partner often feels angry, hurt and misunderstood. It’s hard to have a productive conversation when one feels immediately put on the defensive.

This kind of dynamic, although very common, leads to a breakdown in trust and communication. It quickly separates partners into two different camps. One is the perceived victim of the other as opposed to two partners on the same team trying to work through something together.

Before jumping to any conclusions, try giving your partner the benefit of the doubt.

Start by saying, “I’m sure you didn’t mean to hurt my feelings but when you said/did…I felt…”

This approach allows you to share your feelings and allows your partner to respond to your hurt with compassion versus defensiveness.

09/30/2025

Ironically in a world where there are a myriad of ways to connect, the incidence of loneliness has increased exponentially.

There’s a difference between solitude and loneliness. Solitude is about being fully present with ourselves, enjoying the alone time and leaning into the stillness.

Loneliness is when we experience pain or suffering as a result of our being alone. Part of what makes us feel lonely is the thoughts we attach to that experience.

If you tell yourself, you don’t have any friends or nobody likes you, those negative thoughts will create negative feelings.

Another contributing factor is our comparison culture. When you’re scrolling on social media, and seeing all these people, strangers and friends, seemingly enjoying constant togetherness with someone or a group of people, you can easily feel your social life pales in comparison.

Sadly, there’s a greater emphasis on the amount of followers one has than on their amount of meaningful connections.

The quality of our interactions is much more important than the quantity. We can feel alone in the presence of another and we can be around others all the time and still not feel really known or seen by them.

We all have an innate need to connect with others so we have to be intentional about nurturing that part of us.

We can reach out to a friend we haven’t seen in a while or start a book club. We can join a gym or find a new hobby that connects us with other like-minded people. We can become involved in a faith community. We can volunteer somewhere. Service to others is a great way to feel a sense of connection and purpose.

If you’re feeling lonely, the first thing to know is you’re not alone. Loneliness has become epidemic.

It’s very important to love yourself enough to reach out to others so they get an opportunity to know you and love you.

09/22/2025

My last post was about remembering to always have your own back in a relationship so this post is a reminder that it’s not all about us. Both tuning into self and tuning into other are essential elements to a healthy relationship.

As much as we need to be protective of our own feelings and experience, we also have to be mindful of not solely focusing on what’s in it for us or only considering our own experience.

Healthy partnerships involve a balance between protecting oneself and protecting the other, expressing what we need and feel and being attuned to the needs and feelings of the other.

Partners do better when they view their conversations as a dialogue not a monologue and the relationship as a partner dance versus a solo performance.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our own frustrations, disappointments, moods and complaints that we forget that there’s another person having their own unique experience that is of equal importance.

Just as some of us make the mistake of denying our own needs and focusing solely or primarily on the needs of our partner, we can also err in the opposite direction.

Even the most well-meaning people can fall into the trap of being incredibly myopic and failing to think about the experience of the other.

It can be humbling to remember it’s not just about you and your experience and whether or not you’re happy and your needs are being met. Partners deserve that same consideration and respect.

You can do relationship wellness checks where you take the pulse of the relationship. After all, this is about the two of you moving in sync and finding your own unique rhythm together.

09/16/2025

One of the most critical aspects of a relationship and one of the ways we feel most safe and secure is knowing our partner has our back. But as important as that is, it’s equally, if not more, critical that we have our own.

Having your own back means telling yourself the truth about how you’re experiencing your partner and your relationship. Do you feel safe, emotionally and physically? Do you consistently feel seen and heard? Do you feel that your partner cares about your feelings and your experience? Can you depend on them to be there for you as needed?

Another way we have our own back is by making sure we speak up when something doesn’t feel right. Make a promise to yourself that you won’t minimize, rationalize, or deny signs if you notice that something is off or your partner’s acting differently.

Another way we have our own back is by not censoring ourselves or pretending to be someone we’re not. We vow to show up as our full selves and expect that they do the same.

All relationships involve some element of risk. It can be scary to care so deeply and love so much. It takes courage to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and to be fully seen. But when relationships work as they’re intended, the rewards are great and well worth the risk.

By being honest with yourself, regularly taking your emotional temperature in the relationship and trusting that you’ll always have your own back can allow you to move forward with calmness, clarity and confidence.

Knowing you can trust yourself to speak up on your own behalf is a healthier approach than solely being dependent on your partner’s behavior for comfort and security.

Liz Seitz - Psychotherapist / Individuals and Couples

12/01/2025

11/24/2025

11/17/2025

11/12/2025

11/05/2025

10/28/2025

10/21/2025

10/14/2025

10/06/2025

09/30/2025

09/22/2025

09/16/2025

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