01/21/2026
You cannot be calm in an environment that is chronically unsafe, chaotic, or harmful. Coping skills are not meant to override reality. They’re not designed to help you tolerate disrespect, instability, emotional neglect, or constant threat.
If your nervous system feels anxious, shut down, irritable, or exhausted in those environments, that doesn’t mean you’re “bad at regulation.” It means your body is accurately responding to what’s happening.
Regulation isn’t about staying calm at all costs. It’s about your system reading danger, stress, or misalignment AND responding appropriately.
Skills help after safety. Healing happens within stability. Growth requires an environment that doesn’t keep re-wounding you.
Sometimes the work isn’t “learn another tool.” Sometimes the work is naming what’s not okay while also choosing differently when you can.
