12/18/2025
If advocacy is something you want and expect from your doula, you need to ask them if they do that. Ask for an example of a time that they had to advocate for their client. How was it received? How did they feel? Advocacy doesn’t have to be rude but it is needed in many situations. Someone echoing your voice to make sure you’re heard, or pausing the room to give you a second to ask a question or make a decision can be the difference between a birth with trauma or a birth without trauma.
Doulas shouldn’t be speaking up to give medical advice, advising you to go against what your provider recommends, or telling your provider that you do or don’t want something if it’s not what you actually do or don’t want. ie: you want an epidural and your doula tells your nurse you don’t want or need it. We should not be making any decisions on your behalf. We also shouldn’t be argumentative or speaking up at every turn. If you seem fine with what’s being offered, I’m going to let it ride for the most part.
However, It IS appropriate (in my opinion) for your doula to (respectfully) speak to and with your care team to ask for clarity, more information, available options, evidence, and recommendations to help open the conversation for you. It is also appropriate for a doula to help you clarify or communicate what you want if your team isn’t understanding or hearing you.
And if you are a Person of Color, you REALLY need a doula who will advocate. And one who is aware of the disparity in healthcare for Black and Brown folks and will be watching for it and have your back to whatever extent necessary to keep you from harm. Catch me calling an ethics consult and a patient advocate if I need to, babes. TRUST.
There are many doulas out there, with many styles and personalities and philosophies about birth and what doula support means. Interview a few and make sure it’s a good fit. Ask questions so you can make sure they can do what you need them to do. And most of all, don’t settle. Keep searching if you don’t find someone who fits. You deserve this support.