11/27/2025
Back in grad school, when I presented my paper on what irritates women about men, my fellow grad students challenged me in a way I didn’t expect.
A few of them asked,
“So… did you ask the same question of men?
Or was this just self-serving research to figure out women?”
And I admitted it immediately:
“Oh yes, I wanted to understand women better — absolutely.
And to help other men irritate women less.
Do you think I shouldn’t have done that?
Was it unethical or wrong somehow?”
That sparked a great conversation.
About two-thirds of the women in class said they were glad I did the paper that way because men desperately needed the insight.
The other third… well, let’s just say they were on the fence about letting me off the hook.
So after all that discussion, I did go ask the men.
And here’s what happened every time:
They usually started off indignant and self-righteous, listing all the things that “drive them crazy.”
But gradually… the bravado fell away.
By the end, it always came back to a hurt —
a pain that had come from something a woman in their life had said or done,
and they’d never known how to talk about it.
So instead of summarizing what I found back then, I’d rather open the door and let you speak.
Men… what irritates you about women?
Don’t be belligerent.
Be honest.
Be respectful.
And if you can… tell us about the hurt underneath it —
the part that actually matters.
Your answers might help more people than you realize.
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