02/13/2026
"Domestic abuse, also called "domestic violence" or "intimate partner violence", can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. "
- The United Nations
Domestic Abuse Trigger Words
Domestic Abuse is a tough situation. One the one hand, you don't want to leave your abuser, or the person you feel you need to abuse, because you love them and don't want to give up on them. On the other hand you don't want to stay in an abusive relationship where someone, usually you, ends up getting hurt. You know you get hurt, which is why your mind jumps to their relationship whenever someone mentions the trigger words, "Domestic Abuse" "Domestic Violence" or "Gaslighting" and "Psychological Abuse." Even if you are the main abuser, you still get hurt.
Hurt people hurt people. Something about your relationship is causing you the need to lash out on your partner, verbally, physically, and sometimes in secret bigger manipulations in their life, like affecting their career or other relationships that often have a much bigger detrimental impact on their life than insults or physical pain can often bring a person down to. But you are only doing it because you are bringing them down to your level, to how low they make you feel. You feel like you are doing it for control and to be seen. But to them, you're just letting them see how lowly you can get. The cycle continues. And yes, you do get seen and you get the momentary attention you crave. But it comes at a cost; Your partner no longer sees this relationship as valuable and is constantly trying to escape you, leaving you more neglected, and more hurt. You can't just beat and tire a person into submission. There will, most certainly, be other outlets for them to escape into; drugs, other people, other hobbies or interests, moving away, or developing habits and lifestyles that you don't like or don't find attractive. Get real. But relationships are a two way street.
Victims stay in relationships with their abusers. For some reason or another, they still get in the car. They still answer the phone. They still show up after the begging, the threatening, the extortion (Which is a criminal offense and can lead to jail time!), and all of the terribly embarrassing situations. So why do it? Habits are hard to break. Dependency crutches are what the addicts and lazy people lean on so they don't have to change. Because change is hard, right? And why do we need to change right now? Well, darling, the reasons are clear and evident to almost everyone around you. Just ask any of your close friends about how they perceive your relationship. The answers may surprise you. To you, your relationship is private, hidden, and even a secret to some. To the people you live around, the signs of abuse in your behaviors and mannerisms may be more obvious than you may think.
You may think no one else notices or cares. But trust me, they do. When you get stood up and don't go out, the people at the usual venue you frequent notice you're not there. When you get into a verbal argument, your neighbors hear you. When you are drained of your bank account being treated like an ATM, your family and friends foot the bill. When you aren't acting like yourself because of your underlying emotional distress, everyone notices and can usually guess where it's stemming from, especially if you only venture out of your hidey hole of comfort and pain extremes whenever the two of you are in a disagreement. The marks of abuse can be seen with the way you don't take care of yourself like you used to, sometimes the way you talk, things you talk about, agree to, or enact, even if there are no physical pains, bruises, or scrapes. It's unhealthy, people notice, and people care. They want you to be at your best self, the real you.
So why now? Everyone has seen you navigating at a lesser version of yourself for a while. If everyone knows you are at your lowest point in life between your decisions and your words, then why stop now? You're at rock bottom hurting and getting hurt in your own domestic battlefield. You've been seen. People have been watching it go on, and no one has said anything to you until now. And hey, the highs are manageable at least? You've proven you are strong enough and you can live this way. But should you?
We've established that everyone, even your abuser, and even the other watchers and voyers believe that each of us deserves to live our own healthy and best life. No man is an island. The entire community suffers when one person suffers. A population or culture is only as strong as the weakest link. You're honestly dragging people down to a standard that no one should have to live with. But you have options.
You don't have to send your abuser to jail to get change. You don't need to have a full system reset in an in-patient hospital if you aren't a drug abuser. It does help to pull a person out of situations that are dangerous, risky, and often detrimental to a person's mental and physical health. Every day that goes by, that money you are collecting and spending on someone who has shown signs that they are willing and often possibly even trained to abuse you (because it gives them results) could be doing enormous things to help to your life. If you spend $142 a day on a person who has proven that they don't love you in the same language that you need to be shown love, you could have a living wage salary in California with a family and a house viewing the ocean. You could have a Lambrogini Diablo or a new Bugatti every year that the abuse continues. You can afford college at the most prestigious institutions in the world, find yourself a nice doctor for a spouse, maybe a cosmetic surgeon with a salary of his or her own too. Can you imagine all of the things you could be doing if you had a relationship without problems?
Nobody is perfect, I mean no one. There are things you can be doing to prevent abuse. Actually, there are things you NEED to be doing to prevent abuse, no questions asked. Not just as a law as a citizen of the United States of America and as a responsibility to you and your family's health and safety. Living a sustainable healthy life shouldn't be seen as "self defense;"
It's a basic human right and standard for living with a future worth surviving.
If this message describes you or a relationship with someone you love, you need therapy. You need counseling. You need to talk through the difficult choices. You need to get on a path for improving your standards. You need to learn how to address problems clearly and explain the disconnect. You need to set boundaries with consequences when you cross them and sick to it! And for some people who have explained all of those things and enacted all of those behaviors, still can't get away and are contemplating giving up their lives, you need to learn to simply ignore them. Ignore the call. Ignore the harassment. Call the police. File the restraining order. Get the necessary support systems and plans to help you get through it.
And abusive relationships don't just affect the people directly involved; Kids, parents, extended family, friends, and even neighbors get hurt as a result of you being unable to handle these kinds of situations, and not just when they get out of hand. Young people get into fights. Their sense of self gets lowered to a person with a "problematic home life." Family and friends get involved and end up fighting in battles that were never even meant for them. But they have no choice. 3/4 domestic abuse relationships end in a homicide - either murder or su***de. It's either getting involved or risk losing you. And that's not risk they're willing to take. You are too special. You are too precious. You have so much potential in life. And you deserve more!
Cosmic Counseling can give you those plans for how to get away safely. Counseling can give you advice on how to stick to your guns and reinforce your decisions. Counseling can help you learn the dialogues that maybe just aren't being explained correctly. Perhaps it's just a miscommunication or a simple vocabulary issue. You might not even need to leave your abuser or abusee. With weekly reinforcement you can improve your quality of living and get back to the "real you," from before everyone noticed you being changed and dragged down by escapism choices. Counseling can give you the hard-to-swallow pills that your family and friends might be blinding themselves to share with you. Every situations is unique. Find a plan as unique as your own star map. Book a session today & make a path for a brighter and more-beautiful future.
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