Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt

Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt is a clinical psychologist, relationship coach & founder of the Loving Roots Project.

We’re so quick to extend grace to others… but when it comes to ourselves? We can be relentless.Self-compassion isn’t sof...
11/21/2025

We’re so quick to extend grace to others… but when it comes to ourselves? We can be relentless.

Self-compassion isn’t soft — it’s a strength. It’s how you break old patterns, regulate your emotions, and show up with more patience, presence, and love.

When you silence the inner critic, forgive your past, and honor your effort, you create space for growth instead of guilt.

✨ Be kind to you. Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life.

Which act of self-compassion do you need most today?

When someone listens to understand — not defend or prove their point — everything shifts.You stop feeling like you’re pr...
11/21/2025

When someone listens to understand — not defend or prove their point — everything shifts.

You stop feeling like you’re presenting evidence in a courtroom and start feeling like you’re in a partnership. 💛

Healthy communication isn’t about winning the point…
It’s about seeing each other clearly, even when it’s uncomfortable.
It’s softening your body, staying curious, and choosing connection over being “right.”

When you feel heard, you naturally become softer, safer, and more open.
When your partner feels heard, they do too.

✨ Relationships transform not through perfect communication, but through present, grounded listening.

If you’re working on this, you’re already building a healthier, more emotionally mature love.

Love is about becoming a partner who can communicate honestly, repair thoughtfully, and love with intention. And it's ab...
11/20/2025

Love is about becoming a partner who can communicate honestly, repair thoughtfully, and love with intention. And it's about finding the right person who is willing to do the work too.

Real love asks you to grow.
To be accountable.
To choose courage over comfort — especially when it’d be easier not to.

And the couples who thrive aren’t the ones who never struggle…
They’re the ones who show up, stay curious, and keep choosing each other on purpose. 💛

If you’re in that season of growth, you’re not failing — you’re evolving.

11/18/2025

Affection doesn’t always disappear in long-term relationships—it changes shape.
And too often, couples interpret that shift as a loss… when really, it’s a sign of emotional maturity.

Early love thrives on excitement.
Lasting love thrives on intentionality.

A slower, deeper warmth can feel less cinematic, but it’s far more secure.
Your job isn’t to chase the old version of affection—it’s to nurture the version that fits who you both are today.

Relearning how you give and receive affection is one of the most powerful ways to strengthen connection, intimacy, and trust. 🌿💫

We all say we want deeper connection… but sometimes the habits we don’t notice are the ones quietly pulling us apart.The...
11/17/2025

We all say we want deeper connection… but sometimes the habits we don’t notice are the ones quietly pulling us apart.
The silent treatment, expecting mind reading, keeping score, avoiding hard conversations—these aren’t flaws, they’re protective defenses we learned along the way.

But protection doesn’t build partnership.
Openness does.
Curiosity does.
Kindness does.

Small shifts create big closeness. Start with one: speak up, lean in, and choose connection over self-protection today. 💛✨

11/15/2025

Self-regulation doesn’t get enough credit—it’s the quiet strength behind every healthy relationship.

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about pausing, breathing, and responding with intention.

💬 What’s one way you help yourself stay grounded in tough moments?

One of the greatest shifts in modern therapy? The ability to connect from anywhere.Virtual sessions mean less commuting,...
11/14/2025

One of the greatest shifts in modern therapy? The ability to connect from anywhere.

Virtual sessions mean less commuting, more comfort, and more consistency — even on your busiest days. You can show up from your office, your living room, or even your parked car between meetings (yes, really).

For couples, it removes so many barriers — different schedules, childcare, or distance no longer have to stand in the way of healing and growth.

The work is just as powerful. The conversations are just as deep.
Because therapy isn’t about the room — it’s about the relationship you build inside it. 💻💞

✨ If you’ve been putting off starting therapy because life feels too busy — virtual might be the gift you didn’t know you needed.

💭 The strongest relationships don’t run on autopilot — they move with intention.Revisit your “why” together often. Why y...
11/13/2025

💭 The strongest relationships don’t run on autopilot — they move with intention.

Revisit your “why” together often. Why you chose each other. Why you keep choosing each other.

Revisiting it isn’t cheesy — it’s clarity. It’s connection. It’s choosing love on purpose, not by habit. 💕

Pause, talk, and remind each other what you’re building together.

It’s the anchor that keeps love steady through change, chaos, and growth. 🌿

You can’t connect if you’re defending. 🫶True intimacy starts the moment you stop protecting yourself and start letting y...
11/12/2025

You can’t connect if you’re defending. 🫶

True intimacy starts the moment you stop protecting yourself and start letting yourself be seen.

When you drop the guard, walls turn into bridges — and that’s where real connection lives. 💗

✨ Reminder: Vulnerability isn’t weakness — it’s the courage to stay open even when it feels scary.

11/11/2025

💬 How do you bring up something that’s bothering you—without it turning into a fight?

Here’s the truth: it’s not just what you say, it’s when and how you say it.
Timing and tone shape whether your partner feels safe enough to listen—or defensive enough to shut down.

Before you bring something up, pause and check in with yourself:
✨ Am I calm enough to speak clearly, not reactively?
✨ Is this the right moment, or do we both need space first?
✨ What’s my goal—connection, control or to be right?

When you lead with understanding instead of trying to “win,” you shift from blame to collaboration.
That’s where repair and closeness grow. 🕊️
Small changes in timing and tone can change the entire direction of a conversation.
It’s not about avoiding conflict—it’s about creating the safety to work through it.

🌿 Stay Calm, Stay ConnectedConflict isn’t the problem—disconnection during conflict is.Here’s how to stay emotionally gr...
11/11/2025

🌿 Stay Calm, Stay Connected

Conflict isn’t the problem—disconnection during conflict is.
Here’s how to stay emotionally grounded and connected, even when things get tense:

💨 1. Take deep breaths before reacting
When emotions rise, your body goes into fight-or-flight mode. Slow, steady breathing activates your calm system and gives your brain time to think before speaking. Try box breathing: inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4.

💬 2. Name your emotions to tame them
Putting words to what you feel (“I’m hurt,” “I’m overwhelmed,” “I feel dismissed”) helps regulate your nervous system and invites understanding instead of defensiveness. Naming it reduces its power.

🌱 3. Use grounding techniques during conflict
Notice your surroundings—the floor under your feet, your breath, the temperature of the room. These quick check-ins pull you back to the present moment and keep you from spiraling into past hurts or future fears.

🕊️ 4. Practice responding, not reacting
Reactions are automatic. Responses are intentional. Pause before speaking—ask yourself, “Will this move us closer or further apart?” Slowing down creates space for empathy and repair instead of regret.

Because calm isn’t about suppressing your feelings—it’s about staying steady enough to communicate them with care. 💗

Love isn’t built in moments of ease—it’s built in moments of pause. When you learn to stay calm and stay connected, conflict becomes an opportunity for growth instead of distance. 🕊️

Which of these do you want to practice more this week?

💚 Protect Your Relationship Like You Protect Your EnergyYour relationship thrives when both partners show up fully—physi...
11/09/2025

💚 Protect Your Relationship Like You Protect Your Energy

Your relationship thrives when both partners show up fully—physically, emotionally, and mentally. 🌿

Take care of yourself so you can take care of each other:

• Prioritize rest and boundaries
• Keep communication kind and clear
• Celebrate small moments of joy together


Connection isn’t luck—it’s intention. ✨

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