11/11/2025
A Real Life Success Story
This is my littlest little, and he loves his mama. Multiple households is always hard, and some days, this little guy just doesnāt want to leave his mom and go to school. Weāve had all the conversations about responsibility, the difference between have-toās and want-toās, consequences and rewardsā¦
Today, none of that was working. He was caught in āI canāt do it.ā His breathing was rapid and shallow. He was stuck in a sympathetic state. He was in survival mode.
We had already missed carpool, and were sitting in my car in the school parking lot. I climbed into the back and I started with a quick grounding technique (5-4-3-2-1, drop a message to ask about it), and some deep breathing. Then I started talking about the nervous system and the parasympathetic (rest and restore) versus sympathetic (fight, flight, freeze). I showed him a hand model of the brain and showed him the different parts of the brain, on my hand and on his head. I explained how the prefrontal cortex is the smart, thinking part of our brain. The part that makes sense of everything and is able to think through problems rationally. Then I flipped my fingers up and showed him the limbic system, and told him that was the part of our brain that wants to keep us safe, but can get stuck in feeling scared and isnāt able to think about solutions. I explained that when we āflip our lidā and our limbic system is running the show, the prefrontal cortex is no longer online and we canāt think clearly or find creative solutions. I asked him which he prefers, feeling scared or feeling happy and confident. I think we all know which one he chose.
Then I explained a little about neuroplasticity, by saying we have these little things called neurons in our brains that talk to each other and create pathways, like in the woods. I asked him what happens when we keep walking down the same path in the woods, and he said it gets bigger. Thatās right! It gets bigger and clearer until thatās the only path we see. Thatās what happens with our thoughts. When we say āI canātā over and over, weāre making that the only path through the woods. But when we stop and rewrite the message, when we move back into a parasympathetic state, through breathing and grounding, and bring our thinking brain back online, then we can change the message to āI can and here are all the reasons why.ā We are creating a new path through the woods. The more we walk down that path, the clearer it becomes. The easier it gets to follow it. And the old path disappears.
He sat and listened. I wasnāt sure if he was absorbing any of it or looking at me like I was crazy. But finally he said, āI want to walk in now.ā So we walked into the office together. There were more hugs and a couple more tears, and the counselor met us in the lobby and offered for him to have a few minutes with her before going to class. We exchanged our ālove youās,ā and off he went.
Here is where the magic happensā¦ As soon as I got home and checked my email, I had this from the counselor.
āQuinn showed me about the brain-hand model you talked about. We tried some different deep breathing strategies and he said it felt like his lid was closing back down and he was feeling more in control. He was ready to head to class and transitioned well. I told Quinn I'm proud of him for using some strategies to take care of his feelings. I offered to check in later, but he declined. He will tell his teacher if he needs more help today.ā
This stuff really works.
