10/14/2025
Please don't ever tell a caregiver they don't really "work". It's exhausting. It's 24/7. A caregiver doesn't just work as a caregiver. I believe they are born to live the life of one, or at least it is that way for me.
As early as I can recall, I dreampt of being a mother(a caregiver). I babysat. (Cared for others children). I started walking to the nearby nursing home (around the age of 13?)to just visit people. I even asked mom if we could bring Leone(a resident) home for Thanksgiving!(we did. I guess you could do that then).
I attended a vocational college in H.S. so I could be a CNA(caregiver). The nursing home I trained in hired me. I worked there until I attended college (working 3 jobs)to work with people with disabilities. I provided respite to families in need.
I loved it all! I was exhausted. I was thankful.
I got a job working in the school district teaching. (Caregiving)
Then I got married. I cared for my husband. Cared for our home. Cared for those I hosted in our home.
I worked at a daycare as lead teacher then opened my own. I cared for others children. Then my prayers were answered. My reason for living. I had become a mother to my 1st daughter. Then twin daughters. Then another daughter. Then I was in another relationship. He was an addict and I was his caregiver in everyway I could be because I wanted to help/heal/provide/protect. I was blessed with 2 step sons. I was caregiver to them when they were with us.
I was so overwhelmed. Exhausted. Thrilled. So very thankful. But while driving or in the shower, I cried. I was living the life I was born to live but I was so very tired and just wanted someone to care for ME.
How do you stop doing what you were born to do?
Our children grew and I was caregiver to their friends that often made our home their own.
I got a job at the hospital. (Caregiving) also still working with the elderly that I found my passion with so many years before.
As I look back, I truly don't know how my body, my mind, was able to keep going. For various reasons I often worked(for income) 70 hrs a week. Then I worked, unpaid, as a caregiver. Being a mother, a partner, a friend, volunteering at church, homeless shelters, attending school/sporting events. At both times giving thanks for every good and bad day, for all I had and all I didn't and crying. I was exhausted. When will someone care for ME?
How do I put myself first when all I know how to do is care for others?
Now my kids are all over 18. I am married again. I'm 52 years old. My husband is 60. My arms, my home, seem very empty. I now feel that I never work because the love I have for my clients, the "work" that I do is my passion and between being a mother and caring for others is what makes me feel complete.
Why do I still feel exhausted? Why do I still cry when alone? Because in my head: how can I ever retire when someone will always need me? I can't not help! I worry about my children every day because I can't care for them like I used to and it feels wrong. I worry about my father. I'm his only child. He may need me to care for him and I'll still have to work and care for my husband. My husband has pain, his body is tired. How can I help him and do my job and take care of the house? What will happen if one of us takes ill/passes? There is SO much to do yet, legally. I'm overwhelmed. I'm so tired.
I don't know know any other life. When someone just take care of ME?
It's strange because I want to have time to just work on self care. I want to read again. Take walks. Be with those I care about. The things that make me happy. But happy, for me, is also caring. Caring for income(feeding, cooking, toileting, bathing, dressing, making appointments, taking to appointments, housekeeping, singing/praying with, holding their hand during their last breath, preparing the body, comforting the families, saying good bye to yet another friend).
And caring without the pay(home, volunteering, welcoming your friends into your home to show them you think about them, love them, miss them)your spouse, making sure essential tasks are complete, etc etc etc.
WOW!! I did not think this post is where it would end up!
I am no different than other human being except I am a caregiver as many of us are in our own ways. I just think some of us get consumed and we are so literally emotionally, mentally and physically drained but yet can not turn it off. I want to have someone take care of ME so I don't have to do all that I do. So I don't think of all that needs to be done. I want someone else to do. But the funny thing is, the really crazy reality of it, is if I just got to do me....didn't have to worry about everyone else. Didn't have to care for the house. Didn't have to make the plans. Didn't have to have to do anything: I would be a basket case. I would be in tears even more because I NEED to help.
So, I'll just continue to cry quietly in the shower, on my drives alone and live this crazy caregiver life that I truly do love. Because why the hell are we all here if not to care for one another?
So...if you know a caregiver, chances are they need a break. Give them a hug, say they are appreciated. Then watch them continue to ride the hamster wheel at full speed.
(No idea where this all came from.....lol..my head. Be glad you don't live here)
