26/02/2024
It's been quite some time since I've put any thoughts of substance here, and coming off a Sunday of an event I couldn't think of a better time to break the silence. It's a long one so hold on, but if you're a woman or Momma. Might be worth the read.
Having a baby is not for the faint of heart. I think that's fairly known, but recovering from having a baby is a whole different bear.
*As a disclaimer here and now, every single post partum journey is different. If you resonate with some things here, I hope these words help; but I don't discount maybe not everyone travels this PP path.
Going into being pregnant I was nearly bulletproof when it came to routine and structure. I thrive on it. Times. Schedules. To do lists. I learned some years ago, this was my route to success. I thought I had it figured out.
The thing is... each phase of life changes your route just a bit. So that means being adaptable is a good characteristic to have.
Hi my name is Britnee and being adaptable and flexible was not my thing.
Having a child humbles you quite a bit, so my path was now learning to be flexible.
When it came to workouts, my mind went either my way or no way. Which then lends itself to a grumpy ass attitude and mental outlook. I get such thick tunnel vision sometimes that I FORGET there are other ways to accomplish a goal, it's something I'm still working on.
This being said, Briar is a wonderful baby and child. He has had next to no sleep issues or anything like that, however this is
my first rodeo with a kid. I knew NOTHING. So learning to navigate this new territory and try to keep up with "MY" schedule... it was breaking me down to bits.
About two months ago I realized I NEEDED something to give. I couldn't stay in this mental state anymore. I knew what and how to get out of it, it was just a matter of DOING it. So my exhausted self decided it was time. Alarms. To do lists. Check lists.
Although this time, it's not on a time schedule. It's on a "when I can I will". This is also still hard for me, but I also said I was going to redirect my attentions ans energies to the right things. So instead of scrolling, I go vacuum. Instead of endlessly viewing stories, I get up and wash dishes.
These seem like meaningless steps, but to me these are key parts of me feeling like I'm doing productive things. Stepping back from micro scrolling and redirecting to better, more positive tasks.
Almost immediately I can see the difference. Not physically. It doesn't really work that way, but mentally it was like a cloud of dust made it's way out of my brain. It's not all completely out but it's getting there.
Finally we make it to yesterday. Another POUND - Rockout. Workout. event. That's how i was thinking when I was walking in.
Then the warm up started. Then the drummer started. Then the participants got into it, and the room was electric. There was something buzzing through the air that everyone felt and you could tell. Instructors were sharp and on it. Participants were moving and having a blast. Travis was being Travis in his wonderful and bad ass way.
Once the classes come to an end and everyone smells to high heaven but can't wipe the smiles off of their faces, you can't help but feel a huge sense of satisfaction. You helped people have fun. You helped someone move their body and get those happy endorphins going. You feel like you make a difference.
It's completely contagious. You can't HELP but feel it in your bones.
I felt renewed. I felt on fire. I felt like I got my pink back.
It was this tiny light of hope that I can find this person outside of being a Mom once again and it was every thing I needed to see.
Then I had someone come up to me and say "I haven't seen you teach since before the baby and man you haven't skipped a beat!"
I could've sat down and cried. My heart needed that. My soul needed that. I needed it. I don't need recognition for things to feel satisfied, but man... when someone makes a point to send you a compliment like that. It hits ya deep.
The funny part was, there were so many beats skipped. So many days beating myself up for not doing good enough in class a couple months after maternity leave. Hell. Even a year after. So many times of self doubt and lots of telling myself I was no longer good enough after having a baby.
I'm here to say. Your brain can play tricks on you. It can convince you certain things are true when they aren't. But. You can also point it back in a direction of positivity. It's not easy, and it's not an overnight process but you CAN.
Finding your tribe is key. Your support system will keep you up when you cannot. Reach out. Ask for help. I will always listen to anyone needing a friend.
It's not quick, and it's not easy, but keep going Momma. You'll find your Pink once again.
