09/23/2025
Hi everyone, its been a while. This picture of Ethan popped up in my memories not too long ago. He took a lot of selfies lol, and im glad he did. He had the most beautiful big green eyes, I sure miss looking into them. Were still riding the grief wave, but the ups & downs were too much for me. Medication wasn't what I wanted to rely on, but my doctor says im suffering from prolonged Grief disorder, and its ok to need a little extra help....and then i went up on them. Everything was being affected, and the depression was just too heavy to pull myself out of on my own. Now, I feel more in control, but Im not gonna lie I still struggle so much. I had to get a reduced schedule at work, but even tho im only at part time or less some weeks, im still proud of myself for not giving up. Chris still works and fishes quite a bit lol, but that's how he copes. Im grateful for his strength right now, when im running so low. I cant believe were already coming up on the one year anniversary of his passing, thats crazy to me. It feels like its been the longest year of my life, but at the same time like it happened yesterday. We keep pushing forward, we wont give up, he wants us to be happy and we know that. I miss playing SORRY after dinner with my guys so much, and I honestly didn't know if id ever play again. We retired our double deck copy of SORRY that we all played together, that game brought a lot of joy to us and its very sentimental to me and Chris. Last week Chris came home with a new sorry game, and after dinner.....we sat down at the table like we used to do with Ethan and we played. I felt a little uneasy at first, but it turned out to be a lot of fun for us. That husband of mine has some pretty good ideas sometimes, and this was definitely one of them. We also try to make sure we continue to watch chiefs games together, I wont even watch if I have to watch alone. I dont even sit in my living room if im alone, the couch makes me so sad. The very last picture i took of him at home where he was happiest.....is on that couch with him clearly miserable. I just cant cope with the couch anymore, I just think of him being sick on it. Once I'm doing better, ill work more hours, and replace that couch....I wont be sorry to see it go. Its all a process and were still riding it out, but now were doing it more together and that helps a lot. Missing him is so hard still, its all still fresh & painful, but i still have my hope. Some things have changed, but some things never will. Im always gonna be hopeful that it will get easier, and that happiness and joy will flood back into my heart like it was before my sweets went to heaven. Thank you to all of you who still check in, im glad you do. I tend to isolate, I feel like im just a walking source of sadness for everyone, and im kind of a loner anyways lol. Im not sure what were doing to memorialize him on October 27th, but whatever we decide ill be sure to share. Thank you all for continuing to think of us, and pray for us, we appreciate you guys & we always will. Ill never be able to thank you all enough for helping us to keep him positive. I dont care what anyone says, between all of your support & his big brother donating bone marrow, I firmly believe that gave him more time with all of us. Thank you all so much for everything, I hope you enjoy the poem, ill check in again soon. ❤️
