11/29/2025
The Secret Exhaustion of the High-Achiever: Why I Traded Goal Setting for Soul Setting.
I used to chase goals like a sprinter running a race that never seemed to end.
I hit the metrics. I earned the title. I created the perfectly curated life that ticked every box on the "successful woman" checklist. Yet, in the quiet moments between meetings and errands, a deep, persistent ache whispered, "Is this all there is?"
I looked capable, calm, and constantly in control, but inside, I was just exhausted. I was running on an invisible treadmill, convinced that the solution to my emptiness was simply setting a bigger, better goal.
The Problem with the Map
Traditional Goal Setting gave me a clear, efficient map. It told me what to get and how much to acquire. It excelled at the linear, the logical, the public-facing pursuit of achievement. And for high-achieving women, this approach carries a unique burden: we chase these goals not just for success, but often for proof—proof we are worthy, capable, and deserving of our seat at the table.
But the map doesn't tell you if the destination is one your heart truly desires. It doesn't measure the collateral damage of reaching the summit on fumes.
Finding the Compass
I had to stop asking, "What goal can I get?" and start asking, "Who am I becoming in the process?" This is the shift to Soul Setting.
Soul Setting is trading the exhausting map for an internal Compass. It focuses on the WHO and the HOW IT FEELS. It’s about committing to non-negotiable internal states—like Ease, Presence, Courage, or Integrity—and letting those guide your actions.
For years, my Goal was to be the person who kept all the plates spinning—the one who said 'Yes' to organizing every event and committee commitment to ensure everything ran smoothly. This goal was rooted in the external need to feel needed and valued.
My Soulset asked a different question: "How can I practice Honest Capacity this week so I can truly be present for my own well-being?"
The shift was profound. The success was no longer measured by the number of plates I held, but by the level of peace I felt while having the most important ones. It shifted me from a state of over-giving to one of self-respect and sustainable energy.
It’s Time to Stop Proving
You don't have to sacrifice your health or your true self for your ambitions. True success is integration: where your achievements are an expression of your Soulset, not a frantic attempt to earn validation. If you’re reading this and feeling that whisper of emptiness, it’s time to pick up your compass.
I want to hear your pivot: What's one thing you are allowing yourself to stop proving this week so you can reconnect with your true self? Share your thoughts below. 👇
Shoutout to Julia Vivcharyk for this picture.
