14/06/2020
I stand before you as the self-proclaimed HBIC of Habit-Based Health... but it wasn’t always this way. Allow me to share an Al-ecdote straight from the pages of my most powerful project yet, the fitlicity HBIC Handbook: “It feels like yesterday, and a lifetime away... the day I decided to do something about it. It being... my life. Looking back at how I looked at myself, I was completely possessed by my reflection – whether avoiding it all together with every passing of a tinted window on a crowded corner or analyzing every inch until the piece of glass perched above my vanity surrendered to a cloud of steam. I posed and pinched and sucked. I lay on the floor in fetal position, fingers pressing down onto a distended belly. I woke in the hazy darkness that separated my days and spewed gut-wrenching panic over the side of my bed. I leaned on an altered state of awareness, slugging long after last call until I slurred and stumbled. I tracked low-calorie bag after low-carb box to make room for the paper-napkin-trails of takeout containers and tastykake wrappers towering in my trash can. I did anything to escape the feeling of crawling out of my own skin. Clawing at the confines of my body with cling-wrap suppressing my stomach while I slept and cleanses suppressing my appetite when I woke. Captivated by my own captivity. I accepted it. After all, it was just who I was. I could see her, every day, staring back at me. A patchwork projection. A puppet. A prisoner. A pawn. Like ritual, the piece of glass perched above my vanity surrendered to a cloud of steam. But this time, instead of stepping into the shower, I sunk down onto the hard tile floor. Naked, I closed my eyes and conjured an image of myself. Not my skeletal structure, not my shape, not my skin. But my soul. My (space) self. It flickered in and out of my consciousness, fuzzy and fragmented. And to my surprise, from where I was standing, she looked nothing like my reflection. So I set out to bring her to the surface where I could see her.”
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Between the sass and the science, you’ll get a glimpse at the girl who got me here and gets me where I’m going. The fitlicity HBIC Handbook drops digitally on MONDAY.