07/29/2020
Today’s Blog. I’m asking folks who find my message and commitment to check out
www.StarrLightHealing4You.net
and help me reach more dads by “liking” this and even passing it on to your lists. It’s all in service of change. Thx
Honor the Calling of Change
Brothers,
How are you dads doing? If you’re taking the time to read this, maybe higher calling is whispering to you, or even shouting in your ear, challenging you to be the best dad, the best partner, the best man you can. I congratulate you right now for listening to that voice inside, and you can congratulate yourself. You are here now. That’s a step forward right there.
You were probably raised as I was, a male in a culture that carries limiting, toxic messages of what manhood means. You were taught that to compete at all costs is a virtue. Boys don’t cry, boys are tough, men don’t share their deepest feelings, men need to make a lot of money to be happy, even it means not being around the house and your own children that much.
Competing at all costs does have costs though. I was affected growing up and as a younger adult by that messaging. I’m still affected by it. But I’m aware of it, just like I imagine you are. I handled it as a teenager and younger adult by rebelling, even though I didn’t even know what I was rebelling against, but it was not in healthy ways.
I let partying mask the loss from adopting the power of my culture’s message. First just beer and w**d, then later on to harder drugs. One morning, when I knocked on my girlfriend’s door after a huge bender to find some comfort and kindness, the lightning bolt hit me. She tucked me into her big brass bed, kissed the top of my head, as the shame and embarrassment raged in me until I slept the morning away.
I vowed to change right then, and that dark period of my life was over. I changed. The change was not magically immediate, though I never did drugs again. It was one step at a time, which ended with me having a long and wonderful career teaching young public school kids. Sophie, my dear wife, and I raised two boys, and I was an active, compassionate dad who kept changing and growing as they did. I wanted more than anything to make their lives better than mine had been.
For a long time, I couldn’t swim upstream against the river of patriarchy, which had me bury my more nurturing, soft, care giving nature – my feminine side. Some part of me knew this, but that knowledge was also buried. My swimming grew stronger, through a lot of work, and from a lot of energy healing sessions with a Shaman friend of mine, and me honoring my commitment to be my best self for my sons, and gradually the path of my life became more balanced, whole, and full of Light.
Change is hard, and takes time. But for anyone, it is available.
You want to be a more emotionally available father, one who can comfortably share feelings, offer support, understanding, and empathy when your son feels sad, but it’s hard to know where to start? Maybe you’ve tried and failed, even more than once, and the discouragement led to deciding that men just aren’t wired to talk about feelings.
That’s my mission, to take the long hard lessons of decades and help other men learn those lessons about your being not “wired” to reject those limiting definitions and then to change and grow, much quicker than I did. Decades into days.
Start now. Today, right now. There are multiple ways, but try this. Start with your calendar. Write down the blocks of time when you are committed to full on fathering. Like a work meeting, put in in there. Often, if we don’t schedule something it just gets pushed off for another time, but if Tuesday you typed “canoeing in the Connecticut River from 4:30-6:30 with Travis” then it’s locked in, and you will arrange other comittments so it can happen. “Saturday, 9:00 – 2:00, family bike ride and picnic at Lake Fairlee” then BOOM, it’s a thing that will happen.
If you want a coach and a virtual community of men working on the same challenge, lets hook up. I am rolling out a monthly program in September, that involves you, me, and other fathers for a year long journey. More programming is being planned for later in the fall. Vague? That’s because my long career as a teacher meant I developed curriculum and plans, but I didn’t develop EVERYTHING. I’ve never run my own business! It’s a challenge, but one I can meet. The mission, the vision is driving me to learn the things I don’t know well, especially how to use technology well in a world gone virtual.
But I know it’s an important mission, and I’m like my Lab/Boxer mixed dog playing tug a war with a rope in her jaw, refusing to let go. I’m here for you guys, and I won’t let go of this mission, this rope in my jaw. You can check me out by following me on Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube, or just shoot me an email to ask questions you might have, and from there we can talk on Zoom or by phone.
Raising more balanced men for the future, our sons, is an act of love for them, yourself, and for the belief in a better world
reach me here, matt@starrlighthealing4you.net
Everthing is Possible
Matt & Lucas
