03/23/2021
The Art of Reconciliation
What are your behavioral patterns inside of your most intimate relationships?
When the going gets tough do you run, rage, repress or repair?
Inside of any long term relationship you’re bound to have some challenging chapters. Once the glow of the honeymoon phase has faded, old wounds will inevitably come to the surface in the form of upsets and triggers.
The question is how do you and your partner navigate these activations?
Are you a runner? As soon as an upset occurs your bags are packed and you’re walking out the door, always ready with an exit strategy?
Or do you rage against your partner during an upset? Yelling, cussing, and amplifying the upset to volcanic proportions?
Or perhaps you’re prone to repressing your feelings when things become difficult, holding onto emotional turmoil until it eats you up inside?
Or do you seek to repair?
Repairing a relationship is easier said than done.
How many of us were taught conflict resolution strategies? How many of us have genuine experience in reconciliation?
Where do we start?
Well the first step is to embrace the spiritual psychology principle that “outer experience is a reflection of inner reality.” Meaning that relationships serve as a mirror, reflecting back to us unhealed wounds from the past.
With this foundation of awareness you can accept upsets as an opportunity for healing and evolution. When two parties can release the need to be “right” and shift to a desire to repair... the game changes!
Now you are no longer caught in an egoic game of tug of war. Now the turmoil is welcomed as an opportunity to deepen into self awareness. When two people can practice emotional maturity inside of an upset, your partner shifts from the adversary to an asset in emotional alchemy.
That being said... repair is not always an option inside of abusive relationships. Sometimes the healing comes in the courage to express boundaries and compassionately separate.
“Moments of kindness and reconciliation are worth having, even if the parting has to come sooner or later.” -Alice Munro
