10/31/2025
How we spiral in a trigger
My daughter was increasingly ‘off’ and when I asked her if she was tired, she responded that she had been coming into our room at night because she’s scared of a fire.
The same thing happened to our son after fire safety day at school, but she kept going, mentioning how you don’t take anything with you if there’s a house fire and if your pet is still inside you can’t go back to get them. She teared up saying they would die.
I asked if that made her sad thinking of a pet left behind to die. She started crying for her dog, Jackson, who died back in 2023. I said Jackson didn’t die in a fire, but I understood how that could make her upset. But the spiral didn’t end there, there was more to the trigger.
The death of her dog made her think of the death of her Grandma. She began crying for her and worried if her other grandparents die then she will have none. I held her close and realized what was really going on when it went from fire to dog to Grandma.
Her teacher that she adores has been out of school this week because her mom unexpectedly died. My daughter knows that it’s not only her teacher’s mom, but also a Grandma to her kids as well.
It wasn’t just the fire and our dog, but also the empathy for her teacher that triggered reminders of her own losses as well.
When kids are triggered, their behaviors and connections can seemingly be erratic, initially. But guess what? This is also how it looks & feels with us as adults, too.
Our bodies hold so much felt memory and experiences, and all it takes is a spark to trigger a flame.
The “solution” in that moment was for me to stay curious, and for my daughter to be heard and held. And guess what? That’s also what we need as adults, too.💛