09/20/2024
When it comes to permanently changing a behavior or thought pattern, the missing piece for most women comes down to this-
You become aware of a behavior that you do regularly. Let’s say it’s people pleasing. You notice how you people please with your partner, your clients, your family, your friends.
And then you’re like, f- this! I don’t want to people please anymore, I’m going to change this!
Then you decide I’m going to tell my husband that he has to pick up the kids and I’m going to tell my mom that I’m not coming to dinner at her house on Saturday!
That’s it- I’m done with this pattern- it feels awful and I’m done!
Then you tell your husband and you tell your mom.
And you feel like s**t.
Or you don’t tell your husband and your mom.
Then you also feel like s**t.
Then you decide that, trying to change this is way to hard and painful- it just leads to me feeling like s**t.
Then you pour a glass of wine and try not to think about it.
Here’s the missing piece- it’s the why. Why were you people pleasing?
You’re gonna say I know why I was people pleasing because that’s what I learned to do growing up. So I could feel loved, valuable and worthy.
That’s great that you know that- but that’s not the missing piece.
The missing piece is- the emotional pain that you felt that led you to feel that you wouldn’t be valuable and worthy unless you people pleased.
The pain and suffering you felt the moment you realized that you had no value beyond what you could do for other people.
The moment when you decided that your feelings don’t matter because it was safer to just keep the peace.
And you left a wounded piece of yourself frozen in time, sad, alone and ashamed and every time you try to choose your self and your own needs she gets triggered and shows herself to you in the form of sadness, fear, paralysis and “feeling like s**t” when you try to make a new decision in your life.
The thing is until her emotional pain is fully acknowledged and reconciled, choosing out of the pattern of people pleasing is going to continue to feel really fu***ng hard.
But when you acknowledge the emotional pain that this younger version of you felt and you feel it with love and compassion for yourself, on the other side of that not only does it become easy to choose not to people please it becomes natural.
I have so many clients that just naturally choose out of old patterns and make new decisions without even realizing they’re doing it because the reason they did it in the first place has been resolved.
This is how you create lasting and permanent results in your life.
Dm if you like to chat with me about how you can apply this to your own life and business to create lasting change.