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Full Circle Creations Spiritual Therapy, Pomona, CA (2025)

12/10/2024

It’s important to remember that humility is not debasement. It is not grinding yourself down in the hopes that some person or maybe even some god will take mercy upon you in your pitiful state. To me, humility is taking what you are given and using it and then acknowledging that it was given to you because you “tuned” into it…you opened yourself to it and that’s why you’re experiencing it.

Each of us is a transmitter as well as a receiver. In a way, everything is already here just waiting our recognition of it. Strange word, recognition, it literally means to “re-know.”

I sat on the edge of my bed this morning talking myself into doing what I’ve done since February of 2023 and that is to take as cold of a shower as I possibly can. Some days the water is 65 degrees. Today it was about 43. I really didn’t want to do it today. I wanted a warm shower. I wanted some kind of external comfort and yet I knew that if I just acquiesced and took a warm shower instead of a cold one, I would’ve been disappointed in myself because with me, I’m always pushing invisible limits and invisible boundaries. In truth, there are none but it’s my belief in them that makes them so. I guess, like all things in the world, I like to quantify things in my mind - which strangely (or not so strangely) enough is also invisible.

It’s from the vast, limitless invisible that I’m always pulling things forth from. Like I said, it’s all here, I’m just re-knowing it in time and time will make sure to restrain things and keep them limited and finite even though behind each thing is the boundless intelligence that is unlimited and then some.

I talked myself into the cold shower. I danced and I pranced and breathed my way through the whole 12 minutes and I felt good. That’s why I do it. It feels good. That’s why I do anything; it feels good and maybe goodness is at the heart of it all. Maybe all these ideas get filtered through an imperfect filter and it’s not the original transmission that is “bad” or “faulty” but it’s in our receiving of that broadcast.

And that’s what keeps me humble. I’ve been given things to use, to experience, to witness, and to behold. More than ever before I am happy to be me. I am happy and grateful for every experience that I’ve tuned into. I used to think that my mother’s passing away was the biggest existential threat to my psyche and yet it’s given me the ability to really know and feel that Love really does allow for all things but you just gotta be open and even if you don’t stay open, just make the attempt again and again and again.

I recognize you. That’s what I want you to know. I may not know everything that you’ve been through but those things are just frivolous details. I recognize your heart, your spirit, your soul because I recognize you as my mirror. The only way we can really see ourselves is in another.

Keep your signals as clear as you can by learning to recognize what is yours and only yours - not to fix, or change, or manipulate into being yours - but through the simple re-knowing that nothing has ever separated you from it.

12/30/2023

This is how much grace I live under…

Yesterday it around 4pm and I had just had my last client. I put her money in my wallet and went around to the back to get Henry for his afternoon walk. Usually his afternoon walk is shorter than his morning walk but it’s still about a 2 mile walk. So we’re gone for a half an hour or so from the house.

I live in Pomona and I live off a major street in Pomona. Even though we live in a very nice section of the city, we have our “characters.” Because I have the goal of peace, I try to see these characters as just people who are going through challenges just as we all are. Some of those challenges might include homelessness or mental/behavioral issues…some are going through substance addiction or abuse of some kind or another. Notice how I said at the outset that I have a goal of peace - I don’t always make that goal. In fact, I have yet to experience a day in the almost 59 years that I’ve been trudging around this planet that has been completely peaceful.

To me, being at peace is not the absence of things stressful or unpleasant- but it is the absence of inner chatter about those things that appear as stressful or unpleasant. It is about letting go of what I think needs to be so in order to experience peace and like I said, I have yet to have one full day in 59 years where I didn’t have at least one grievance about some kind of “bullsh*t.”

I recently learned that a beautiful friend I had for many years passed away nine days before Christmas. Her husband found my phone number and called me to let me know. She was from Austria and I loved her thick Austrian accent. She was funny and playful and liked to play tricks. The last five years of her life were of her body totally betraying her and yet she remained optimistic and cheerful. To some, this would just seem like a brave act because the inevitable would be too tough to deal with, but with Ingrid, she understood the inevitable and she laughed with it - never at it but with it - she didn’t play at being brave; she just was.

I didn’t cry as much as I thought I would and I didn’t go down the path of regret and remorse that I tend to go down when someone I deeply love passes - oh, I should’ve called more…I should’ve let them know how much I loved them more…we should’ve had that lunch we always talked about…

Y’know. Bu****it.

And Ingrid would’ve said that, too. Instead of sobbing, I sat quietly and remembered a few inner “frames” of her and I and I imagined those times that came to be in as brightly as I could. I turned the “volume” up and I felt love and light oozing from the memory and I felt it all as Real in the only moment I ever have; the Eternal Now and it was Real and is Real and will forever be Real because Ingrid and I are Real…you are Real…we all are Real and by Real I do not mean this fleeting physical reality…I mean, that ‘Let there be Light’ Reality where there are no breaks, cracks, or divides…

Sit with that and let your mind implode.

Henry and I finished our walk. I looked at him and I smiled. He’s turning out to be such a lovely boy. He was difficult to train and he still can be quite unruly and when he stands up, he’s 5’7”, 100 pounds of pure intimidating muscle but I ground myself and never waiver in my knowing that for now we are meant to be in each others life and that’s okay.

I go in the kitchen and Tracy hears a thud at the front door. She opens it up and comes in the kitchen and hands me something; my wallet. I didn’t even know it was missing. There was $200 in it. There were credit cards and gift cards and private information in that wallet.

And it was all there.

It was all magnificently and beautifully there with nothing missing. Tracy checked the doorbell cam tape and whoever found it made sure they remained out of view.

Lots of characters go by our house every day and one of them did the very right thing and returned my wallet to me and just like stories can be used to take away peace, stories can be used to promote peace.

I live under enormous grace and I live under it with you.

Let’s be even more Real in 2024.

Happy New You.

Peace,

John

04/21/2023

This week made me feel weak. It made me feel “off my game” so to speak. It is easy to blame situations and events and people as the “cause” of this suffering, but ultimately it comes down to me and how I am allowing it to affect me.

Some of you may know that for many years of my life, I experienced body dysmorphia. What that is, is that one perceives their physical being in a very distorted way and makes them overly critical of their physical appearance. When I was younger I “accepted” that I was “hideously ugly” but I was going to make others and myself forget that I was - if even for a little while - by making them laugh or smile and for myself, I would distract myself by finding the beauty in other things. I would literally go into a hypnotic state just staring at a flower, or a painting, or the ocean, or even at another person. I was training myself to see the beautiful even if at the time I couldn’t transfer that awareness to my own being.

It wasn’t until I was in my early 30s and I was living in a little back house that had a big glass sliding window that overlooked a golf course and the LaVerne Canyon areas. If the weather was clear, the morning sunlight would stream through the blinders that covered the window and bounce off the big plate glass mirror that was in my bathroom area. And one day while washing my face, I was caught totally off guard by looking into just one of my eyes. I didn’t equate it with “my eye” I just saw it through that same lens that I used many times before when looking at flowers and paintings and beautiful things and this whole and holy manifested experience I happened to be living in; and I was “drawn in” by the depth of that one eye. Blues and greens, purples and golds and it was exquisite in its shape and how the colors stood on their own as well as overlapped upon themselves. No painter in the world could’ve captured this and then I stepped back and I realized it was “mine”…it was My eye that I was looking at and mine was Thine.

“The eye with which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me…”
- Meister Eckhart

And I felt a softness and a gentleness well up from within and I cried. All these years the beauty I was seeking to find in the without was the exact same beauty that was already within. There was no dividing line or separation. The Creator and the Creation were, are, and will forever be One. And starting from that moment forward, my life truly began to shift…

Yesterday I was reaching epic levels of stress and anxiety around all the plumbing work that had been going on for four days at the house.

Everything felt uncomfortable and upsetting. The yard was dug up, the house was a disaster, a big dog was running around the house, an almost eight year old was being an almost eight year old and I even said it out loud a few times, “things are ugly” around here.

Things calmed down and I posted a picture of our new toilet and even made a joke that it was the latest edition to our family and a couple of close friends mentioned (in a joking way) that they could “see the resemblance” and I went into a tailspin and took it all too personally.

So I sat with it. I breathed into it and I made an opening in which I could sit in the uncomfortableness of it and I realized with Real Eyes that it was a joke and that I didn’t have to wear it as a heavy chain of condemnation and I even started feeling grateful that these two beautiful people (inwardly and outwardly) brought up this trigger because how am I going to know what I want unless I know first of what I don’t want and what I want is Beauty. In ALL things that is what I want the most. I always have.

The poet, John Keats said it best;

“‘Beauty is Truth, Truth is Beauty. ' – that is all / Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know".

And I had a great epiphany that this is all I’ve ever wanted. Even when I struggled with body dysmorphia, I wanted it and I went looking for it even though I was unaware that it was always here.

Beauty is not just physical attractiveness; it is what one exudes when they are in alignment with their whole and holy self. A flower is beautiful because they don’t have to be anything but a flower. We are beautiful when we let God be God in us and as us. We don’t have to add a thing. In fact, the more we subtract from that which we imagine separates us from that which created us, the more beautiful we become because the more we are in alignment with that which we truly and already wonderfully are.

Breathe in your beauty…
Breathe out your loveliness…

Shine as the being you were created to be in all that you are a part of today and every day.

Peace and Blessings,
John

08/11/2021

I’m a flawed person. I have done things and continue to do things that maybe I shouldn’t. I’ve said things that if there were such a thing as a time machine, I’d go back in time, slap my past self, and get back in the time machine. I really detest the saying “I’m doing the best I can with what I know.” And when I say that, I know the other person is probably thinking, “Oh. Then you obviously don’t know jack sh*t…”

And they’re probably right. At least in that instant/instance there was a definite distant distance between the heart, the mind, and the mouth. But yet I’m given another day and another day and here you go, here’s another day…

At the time of my writing this, I’ve been given 20,598 days.

And when I sit in my favorite meditation chair and absorb the wonderful vibrations that I’ve manifested while sitting in that chair, I am awash with grace, and strength; ease and purpose.

My friend, William likes to symbolize this grace with a semicolon…with a “;” because there is more to come…a lot more to come and all I can do is set tiny minuscule goals for myself which I’ve done ever since I survived a botched su***de attempt in 1987 and they may not seem like much but they’ve gotten me through so much.

• In the next five minutes, I will smile.

• Right now I’m going to do my best to laugh.

• Just for today I’m going to forgive that person. I may not be able to forgive them tomorrow but I can do it today.

And these micro goals helped get me over the biggest hurdle of my life; me. ME. ME is an acronym for “My Ego.” That thing that likes to be more than it is even when it is doing its very best to stay small.

So today I prayed for Light. I prayed for Grace. I prayed for Renewal and Redemption. I prayed not to a God that withholds these things from me but I prayed to those parts of me that haven’t quite figured out that these things are always available to me.

My favorite quote out of the thousands upon thousands of words that mythologist, Joseph Campbell ever wrote were these, “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are…”

You are entitled to your first breath, you are entitled to your last breath, and every God Blessed Breath in between because you are YOU and ain’t nobody going to ever fill that spot. You may not think you are worthy. You may label yourself as undeserving. But take that up with the universe when it did an atomic light infused dance to create you as you. No-body…nobody will occupy your eternal space but you.

Set a mini goal to just be patient in the next three seconds. Every second is backed up by 100% of the Eternal who knows us better than we will ever know ourselves.

There is so much waiting for us. And it’s all manifesting itself in and through us even now.

Peace to you,

John

05/17/2021

I would like to think that I made the world a bit better with me being in it. I would like to believe that if I weren’t in it things would be radically different. I would love to know that people benefited from the all the things I have ever written, said, or done...but it’s just the small “i” that wonders these things whereas the big “I” doesn’t have to wonder or imagine or even believe it just moves forward being what It is and does exactly what’s in front of It to do without judgment or analysis.

Early this morning, I found myself caught up in a riptide of emotion. Yesterday was a rather tumultuous day and I found the little “i” that I so often mistake myself for actually being as ultimately real, getting bumped and bruised and hurt and jumbled and tumbled that this me I pretend to be went to bed wanting to not wake up and face one more day of this scam/sham that as often been interpreted as my life.

When first learning about meditation, I “studied” it at a Hindu temple. I was so eager and so enthusiastic about it that I jumped into the “deep end” of the cosmic pool and found myself swimming in the ecstatic waters of spirit and realizing that the peace, love, and joy that we talk about in the world are nothing compared to the Peace, Love, and Joy that are also available to us in every instant but we only (begrudgingly) allow in small amounts because we have been so conditioned to believe that the shadows we cast are more real than the Light that has caused them.

My identity has been so wrapped up in and warped by my trying to make something of myself that I forgot I already was something to begin with. I forgot that the abundance I was freely partaking in was just a small symbol of the Abundance that has been prepared just for me as an extension of this Holy Universe that exists as the Invisible Undivided Holy Whole I call for lack of a better definition, God. My church is “invisible” and the “bread and wine” that I celebrate my communion with is at the altar of my mind and heart.

I’m not saying Divine Forces took away my ability to sell so freely and easily on this site. I am, however, putting the whole thing on me. On some level of mind, I wanted this to happen so that I could once again stretch and grow into a new version of myself which explains the uncomfortableness of the feelings I have been feeling.

Hear me out before making your judgment on me; the “i” of me wants so much to die so that it can once again be reborn and transformed. It wants its wingspan to triple and it wants to fly higher than it has previously but it cannot stretch itself fully in a mould that it cast yesterday. It must awaken and look in the mirror and come “face to face” with that which it is in Reality.

The True Self cannot be found in the crucifixion. It can only be found in the resurrection and in the ascension. It can only be found when one dares to imagine a life beyond the life it once made to the Life that awaits one now. That Life is my life now.

Fear is just excitement misinterpreted. Something is waiting for me now. Something is waiting for you, as well. Of course, I have benefited your Life because you have benefited mine and all the millions upon millions of the tiny webs of connections we have made and will continue to make will only further reinforce upon our mind that only in our feeling alone can we ultimately uncover the glorious Real-I-zation that we are All-One.

Blessings to you this new day.

John

01/09/2018

Everything and Nothing (A Poem)

Something happens after I pray or meditate that I cannot easily explain away...
It's like the influence of the world has lost its sway and my deepest sense of the Great Invisible has been restored.
I harbor no hate.
I hoard no misery.
I am content to wait on Eternity knowing I am always one revelation away from the timeless.
Everything and Nothing
Nothing and Everything
Slash through linear bound explanations and what I seek to find has found me already in the steady peace of Divine Contemplation...

06/11/2017

January 12, 1987

It rained pretty hard the night before. Which I am glad of because my sobs were somewhat muted. I lookout through the bars of my window and see a huge rainbow spanning across the sky. I smile slightly and just whisper the word "forgiveness" to myself.

Today my family will be coming to pick me up. I have mixed emotions about this. I want to go home but I know it will all be different now. My mind races with thoughts.

Maybe I should try again.
Maybe I should swallow 150 pills instead of 90.
Maybe I should make sure that nobody is home first before even trying this.

Nothing like facing your family after a botched su***de attempt.

Yuck. These eggs are horrible. Maybe I'll die from food poisoning before they get here. Too late. They're here. My dad is his standard ten minutes early. He is well dressed as usual. Come on, dad, it's Saturday. Live a little.

Three hours later.

Well, that went remarkably horrible. They said to the doctor that they all knew I was going to do it. Cindy stayed home because she had a very strange feeling that something bad was going to happen. Jeff stuttered. He hasn't done that in years. My dad did his usual eye rolls whenever the doctor suggested something that seemed "far out" or different. I sat there. I looked out the window. I saw a white dove sitting on the wall.

Forgiveness.

Yes.

Forgiveness...

Full Circle Creations Spiritual Therapy

12/10/2024

12/30/2023

04/21/2023

08/11/2021

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