Kristi Vega, Family Therapist

10/14/2025

On social media, or in a classroom, or around a dinner table, healthy debate requires kindness to be effective.

If you're hoping someone may learn from you, discussion only works if you leave someone feeling sympathetic to your point. Not feeling defensive from your insult.

10/04/2025

Another term for "regulating" our emotions can be "taking responsibility" for our own emotions.

And we don't just learn it in childhood. We have to work on it for our whole, entire life.

09/11/2025

Respect is one of the most common values parents name when I ask what values they want to teach their children. "Disrespect" is also one of the biggest triggers for child/parent conflict.

The only way to teach respect is to be respectful. Even when we are angry. Even when we feel disrespected. Even if we don't like someone. Even if someone has wronged us.

Respect as a behavior is different than respect as a feeling. If we want our kids to behave respectfully even when they are frustrated or angry, then we also have to behave respectfully when we feel angry.

We treat everyone respectfully not because of how they act, or how we feel, but because we are respectful people.

09/02/2025

Kids grow more confident and resilient when they accomplish hard things. Keeping certificates, diplomas, trophies, and other mementos displayed in their room is a visible reminder to them that they are a kid who accomplishes hard things. It grows their identity, their sense of competence, and their motivation to try more hard things.

There's an opportunity this Sunday in Nocatee to feel that kind of achievement and pride, AND get a cool medal for it! All while serving a great cause. The Supervillain 5k and one miler is September 7 at 8AM, beginning at the Splash Park parking lot. ALL finishers get a medal, and it's a cool one!

If you've never tried a 5k, it's a doable walk, you can push a stroller, and you will feel so proud of yourself afterward! The one miler Hero Run is untimed.

Fundraising is for St. Francis House in St. Augustine.

https://runsignup.com/Race/FL/PonteVedra/TheSuperHero

08/29/2025

There ARE ways that each of us can help prevent gun violence.

One thing I can do is spread the word to parents, teachers, and fellow healthcare professionals on what to do if you suspect someone has homicidal thoughts.

Its really not different from if you hear someone has suicidal thoughts.

First, if you're a kid--tell an adult. Tell a teacher, a parent, a dean, a counselor, or school resource officer. Let them take it from there.

If you ARE that adult, do you know what to do next?

ACT.

A: Acknowledge the signs, take it very seriously. Even if we think a person just says stuff "for attention," we must give them that attention.

C: Care and Ask. Say, "I really care about what you're feeling. Tell me about it. What are you thinking? When do you think this? Do you think about how to do that? Do you have a plan? Do you have access to those things? Do you intend to do it?"
If you're afraid to ask, get a school resource officer or call 988 for info on where to get a rapid assessment. Someone MUST ask those questions.

Tell:
If they don't have a plan, if they don't intend to do anything, if there is no weapon access, still tell someone. Tell their parent. Their partner. Someone else who cares about them. Help them find a therapist referral.

If they do have a plan and means, like access to a gun at home, it's time to take them directly to an ER.
If the threat is more urgent, call 911 and tell them the name, location, threat, and means of harm. This what the Baker Act is for.

Law enforcement will come assess the threat, and has the power to take into custody and transport to a healthcare facility. They also have the power to petition for a Risk Protection Order to remove weapons from someone at imminent risk of harming self or others.

1. Acknowledge the Signs.
2. Care and Ask Questions. Try 988 for help.
3. Tell Someone. And use an ER or 911 if it's urgent danger.

08/18/2025

Just a reminder during this back-to-school month:

Anxiety is a normal and necessary emotion. Growing and learning and moving through challenges requires tolerating some anxiety.

Often kids will cope with anxiety by avoiding the hard thing. Avoidance coping in extreme form can be school refusal, zeros on assignments, procrastinating, social withdrawal.

We don't want to take away all anxiety-inducing challenges. We don't want to rescue our kids from that anxious feeling. We want to give them the courage and confidence to tolerate it, plow through it, keep going, and get to the other side of it to . . . Success. Or Completion. Or Growth. Or even just to rest and try again the next day.

Support them by telling them:
"I know you can get through it."
"It feels so hard, and I have no doubt you can do it anyway."
"You've done hard things like this before."
"I believe in you."
"You have exactly what it takes."
"Anxiety isn't forever."

The truth is, every time we do the thing that scares us, we come out stronger.

And if you need help, talk to someone about it.

08/15/2025

Wise advice and true every year.

My OG's here already know this, but for any new darlings who've stumbled into my little corner of the internet, here is my yearly PSA about the first week/weekend of school:

Listen up and listen up good. The first week of school is a gauntlet that I wonder how our kids survive every year. Having basically lived in a frat house all summer, they are now expected to sit in chairs all day, pay attention, learn new rules, figure out the social hierarchy, be quiet, and keep their mental foot on the gas for 7-8 hours a day.

They are WASTED. Absolutely cooked. If by some miracle they don't melt down at school, you can bet your bottom dollar they will at home. Prepare to experience armageddon over the after-school snack being cut wrong. They can't deal. It is like their little minds and bodies went to Marine Boot Camp for babies. Remy started her senior year yesterday, came home at 2:00, and slept from 2:06-10:45pm. God help us.

So do NOT, under any circumstances WHATSOEVER, plan anything for the first Friday night/whole weekend of the first week of school. I don't care if Barack and Michelle Obama invite you over for a barbecue. You are staying home. You make exactly zero plans. Zero. Your only job is to keep your wasted children calm enough to fall asleep on the couch by 6:15pm.

"I HATE SCHOOOOOOOL. MY TEACHER IS SO MEEEEEEAN."
"Mmm-hmmm. That sounds hard."
"WHY DIDN'T YOU SEND ME A GOOD LUNCH?????"
"We can work on that."
"YOU DIDN'T GET ME THE RIGHT BACKPAAAAAAACK!!"
"Let's have a snack."

They are wild, crazed animals. Do not take the exhaustion bait. Just nod. They are right. Everything is terrible and you did everything wrong. Let them air all their grievances. They need a banana and some water. Don't ask them a hundred questions about school. Don't ask them four questions about school. It's not the time, moms.

When they come home Friday, have the lights low, their cozy spot on the couch ready, a soft blanket to cover them with, pizza ordered, and a movie on. THAT IS IT. That is the end of your agenda. They will make it through 8 minutes of the show and be in REM sleep.

If in an emergency you can't peel them off the rafters, put them in a Feelings Bath: bubbles, music, a candle, a little snack and drink next to them. This has a 100% success rate. They will NOT WANT A BATH except when you put them in it and they emerge as a calm, regulated child again. Then off to the pizza and movie couch.

Trust me on this one. If I know anything at all, I know that your "fun plans" for the first Friday night of school are doomed to catastrophe. Unless you love throwing sobbing, overstimulated children into your minivan halfway through the thing, just stay home.

Last year, moms posted pics of their kids asleep after school on the first week, and this is the whole reason Al Gore invented the internet. Half off couches, face down on the tile, asleep next to their dinner plate. God bless and keep the babies. Please post below accordingly.

Finally, teachers? Take every word I said above and apply it to yourself. MAKE NO PLANS THIS WEEKEND. The most you are allowed to do is call Domino's.

08/10/2025

It's back-to-school eve at my house today. Parents, what are your top priorities the day before the first day back?

My teens are packing their backpacks, screenshotting bell schedules, planning clothes. I'm planning dinner, lunch supplies, and an early bedtime.

And at dinner I will bring up:

✔️Morning alarms
✔️Departure Time
✔️Anxiety
✔️Greeting teachers by name
✔️First Impressions
✔️Reaching out to new kids

My kids might roll their eyes at me-- they are used to having a therapist mom. But the messages will be received!

Best wishes for a great year!

08/06/2025

Self-care is simply taking care of your own basic needs.

It is NOT:
Treating Yourself
Luxury Pampering
Spending money you don't have

It is:
Eating nutritious meals
Getting enough sleep
Exercising
Organizing your own space
Stocking the clothes and supplies you need
Making your doctor's appointments
Nurturing your own relationships
Meditation, prayer, quiet contemplation
Taking time to learn and grow

Basically, all the things a parent does for their child. Take time to take good care of yourself, too.