Brain Tumor Life Coach

In August of 2008, I had my one dose of radiation. The form of radiation I had is absolutely disgusting. I believe they no longer use gamma knife radiation. But the procedure for this, let me describe it to you. You walk into a cold, large room, in your hospital gown and little footies. Its absolutely freezing in there to ensure bacteria levels stay down. They bring you back into a side room with a table. You lay down and they drill a metal halo into your head. Butt before they do this they try to make you somewhat comfortable by giving you a numbing shot in your forehead, but it doesn’t help. The screws hurt so much. You feel every turn of that hand drill piercing into your skull. There are four screws to fasten the halo in place. The reason for the halo is that the gamma knife delivers 1000 tiny gamma rays at different angles, to radiate less of the brain.

Anyways, so I head back to school in August. I was a sophomore and had an apartment near campus with three other girls. My boyfriend, at the time, was really persistent that he still loved me and wanted me at MSU first semester. He broke up with me the week I moved in. I had disability privileges set up. I got time and a half on tests and teachers notes. I had signed up for only two classes, making me a part time student. With all the extra time I went to go find a job. I landed a job at Coral Gables, as a day time waitress. Now this might be funny to you.. A girl with left side weakness and aphasia trying to waitress. But I was determined to keep this job. I had much difficulty waitressing, but after a month I started to get the hang of it. My older sister also went to MSU. She was a nutrition major. She was also a varsity cheer coach at a local high school. I went to visit her one day and she was in a pickle. The teacher that had volunteered to coach the JV cheer team quit on her. She asked me if I could think of any ideas. I told her I would do it, if I could find someone to help me with the team. Coaching the cheer team was the best thing ever for me. It gave me a sense of purpose. Cheer season ended at the end of April. When the season was over and there were no more practices, games, or competitions, I was completely lost and felt abandoned by my squad. It would be ok I thought I would see them next year, but little did I know, I was in for another journey with brain surgery.

I had developed a cyst from the gamma knife radiation. When I went to visit my neurosurgeon I begged her to do anything she could possibly think of, besides brain surgery. She came up with an alternative idea to a shunt. (My general practitioner advised me not to.) The alternative idea was this device called a reservoir. The placement of the reservoir was not done with skill, in my opinion. She put it right behind the hair line through my frontal lobe. Your frontal lobe is where your short term memory is. Anyway the reservoir gave me severe left side paralysis again. I could not retain anything when the reservoir was in my head. It took away my life and my intelligence. If a doctor ever wants your loved one to get a reservoir. You say NO! After my second summer of rehabilitative therapy I tried meeting new people and dating. I was unsuccessful in both of these areas. I found it so hard to connect with anyone. No one seemed authentic. I also tried my hardest to find a job. But I had very little confidence and not so much luck. I eventually became SO depressed I couldn’t get out of bed. My parents hospitalized me for my depression because I became unresponsive. That was the hardest thing I went through for sure. Living in a mental hospital for two months was insane. I love to picture it as one flew over the cukoos nest. I NEVER should have been there, BUT my psychiatrist was an ignoramus and told me all these lies and I could go on and on. Havenwick hospital saved my life. It seems really scary, but I made some sweet friends in there… who I will never see again, but they opened their arms and their hearts to me. I had never connected like that with another group of women.

Fast forward a bit, 2011,I switch hospitals, to the DMC, and I get a new neurosurgeon, named Dr. Guthikonda.. Chief neurosurgeon at the DMC.. He decided the reservoir was useless and that it could be removed as well as the cyst. I underwent another OUTPATIENT brain surgery, where my mother had to do all of the respite care after surgery. She is a home health care director, so her knowledge helped a lot. Now Im still struggling with my aphasia but my physical well being is awesome. I cant complain, just dying to get back to school. I may have to give up on that dream, but man have I fought for it.