Audrey Schoen, LMFT

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United States
Roseville, CA
Audrey Schoen, LMFT

California Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Online video counseling for clients in California.

Helping couples and adults gain insight and clarity to feel more grounded, improve communication and create connection in their relationships.

11/10/2025

Your partner is hurting. And your first instinct is to explain what you actually meant.
To correct their interpretation.
To defend yourself.
To make sure they understand you didn't mean it that way.

But every time you do that? You're choosing being right over being connected.

Repair isn't about who's correct. It's about putting your ego aside long enough to care about your partner's pain, even when you didn't mean to cause it.

Most of us were never taught how to do this. We learned to defend, explain, and protect ourselves. Not to open our hearts when someone we love is hurting.

Want to know what actually works? I wrote about the Relational Life Therapy approach to repair and why it's completely different from what most couples try to do.

Read more: https://www.audreylmft.com/blogs/why-most-couples-get-repair-wrong-and-how-to-actually-fix-whats-broken

10/31/2025

Here’s the part no one tells you: Mature love means grieving what your partner can’t give you.

Maybe they’ll never be as adventurous as you want.
Maybe they’ll never match your emotional expressiveness.
Maybe they’ll handle stress in ways that frustrate you.

Healthy couples learn to grieve those losses without making their partner wrong. They find other ways to meet those needs while valuing what is there.

That’s not settling. That’s real love.

👉 Want to dig into this more? Check out my latest blog on what healthy marriages actually look like.

www.audreylmft.com/blogs/do-healthy-marriages-actually-exist-and-what-they-really-look-like

10/21/2025

Modern marriage asks one person to do what used to take an entire community.

✔ Best friend
✔ Lover
✔ Co-parent
✔ Therapist
✔ Adventure buddy
✔ Emotional support system

…and then we wonder why marriage feels so heavy.

A healthy marriage is about appreciating what your partner does bring, and letting other relationships, hobbies, and community fill the rest.

Read more:
www.audreylmft.com/blogs/do-healthy-marriages-actually-exist-and-what-they-really-look-like

If you’re ready to get real about expectations, therapy can help. Reach out anytime. I work in Roseville, CA, and online across CA + TX.

10/14/2025

That couple who claims they “never fight” and always meet each other’s needs?

Either they’re leaving out details… or it’s not the full truth.

Real marriages have conflict, disappointment, and missed expectations. And yet, they can still be healthy.

The key is learning how to repair, reset, and stay connected through the messiness.

I use Relational Life Therapy, ART, and Brainspotting to help couples develop the skills that actually keep love alive.

👉 Curious what realistic marriage actually looks like? I just wrote a blog about it:

www.audreylmft.com/blogs/do-healthy-marriages-actually-exist-and-what-they-really-look-like

10/09/2025

Did you know I have a monthly newsletter?? This months topic was all about the question "What does a healthy marriage even look like?"
Sign up here and you also get my free guide to getting more of what you want in your relationship.
https://www.audreylmft.com/newsletter

10/07/2025

That’s the honest question every person in a long-term relationship has to ask.

Healthy marriage isn’t about avoiding disappointment — it’s about reckoning with it.

Assessing if your needs are “enough” to stay invested and making peace with what you’ll never get.

Sometimes that means finally appreciating what you have.
Other times it means realizing the gap is too big.

Both are valid.

👉 Want to dive deeper into this idea? I wrote about it on the blog:

www.audreylmft.com/blogs/do-healthy-marriages-actually-exist-and-what-they-really-look-like

10/04/2025

No one is on their relational A-game 365 days a year.

In any real, long-term relationship, one of you is going to lose it sometimes.

Your partner’s younger self, who learned how to survive their childhood wounds (their adaptive child), is going to get triggered in intimacy.

They’ll get reactive and self-righteous. Their words may be loud and filled with harshness intended to sting.

When this happens, your job is to stay in the part of you that is present and capable of choosing differently (your wise adult). At least for the moment.

You’ll get your turn too. But not at the same time.

Because if one person’s storming and the other’s also storming, you’ve got a flood. No repair or connection – just wreckage.

Instead, when every part of you wants to defend yourself and fight back, try this…

Take a breath, stay in your wise adult, and say:

“Honey, I really want to hear what you’re saying. Could you lower your voice so I can hear you better?”

And if I’m really on your game, you’ll ignore their bad delivery and leave your ego at the door:

“You’re right. I did do that, and I understand why you’d be so upset. I’m sorry. What can I do to help you feel better?”

Now you’ve moved out of the fight and into connection.

10/02/2025

Modeling is one of the most powerful ways kids learn.

When we’re respectful → they learn respect.
When we’re compassionate → they learn compassion.
When we’re harsh → they learn harshness.

That harshness doesn’t stop with us.
It shows up with their siblings, their friends, and even in how they treat themselves.

There’s no lesson worth teaching through harshness.

Instead, we can choose loving firmness: boundaries with compassion, limits with respect.

And when we mess up (because we all do)? Repair is part of the teaching, too.

👉 What do you notice your child reflecting back to you?

09/30/2025

90%.

Among college-educated women, 90% initiate divorce proceedings.

Before you jump to conclusions about women being "impossible to please," let me share what the research actually shows...

It's not about unrealistic expectations. It's about pattern recognition.

Women with more education and resources are simply better at:
• Identifying relationship imbalances early
• Recognizing when they're consistently giving more than receiving
• Taking action when patterns don't change

But the real breakthrough? When couples create truly equitable partnerships, these statistics flip entirely.

Equitable marriages have:
✅ Higher satisfaction for both partners
✅ Better communication
✅ Increased stability
✅ Deeper intimacy
✅ Less conflict

The science is clear: fairness isn't a nice-to-have in marriage. It's what makes relationships thrive.

Ready to understand what creates lasting partnership? Full research breakdown in my latest blog post.

www.audreylmft.com/blogs/why-equitable-marriages-create-stronger-happier-relationships

09/24/2025

The goal isn't keeping anyone happy by walking on eggshells.

The goal is creating a relationship where both people genuinely WANT to show up for each other.

When I see couples in my practice, the "happy wife, happy life" mentality often masks deeper issues:
• One person managing all the emotional work
• Decisions being made to avoid conflict rather than create connection
• Surface-level peace instead of genuine intimacy

Real research shows something different works better: equity.

Not equality (50/50 splits of everything), but equity - where both people feel truly valued, heard, and supported in ways that matter to them.

This creates relationships where both partners are happier, more satisfied, and more committed. The data is fascinating and hopeful.

Breaking it all down in my latest post, Why Equitable Marriages Create Stronger, Happier Relationships (And How to Build One)

www.audreylmft.com/blogs/why-equitable-marriages-create-stronger-happier-relationships

09/18/2025

She remembers the birthday parties, manages the social calendar, tracks everyone's schedules, and somehow became the designated relationship manager.

He appreciates it but doesn't see it as "work."

Sound familiar?

This invisible emotional labor is one of the biggest predictors of relationship dissatisfaction. But here's what's fascinating: when couples address this imbalance, everything changes.

Research shows that when the mental load gets shared:
• Communication improves dramatically
• Resentment dissolves
• Both partners feel more valued
• Physical intimacy increases
• The relationship becomes genuinely collaborative

It's not about keeping score. It's about creating true partnership.

Want to understand how to shift these patterns? I break down the research and practical steps in my latest blog post.

www.audreylmft.com/blogs/why-equitable-marriages-create-stronger-happier-relationships

09/12/2025

Did you know that research consistently shows marriage benefits men more than women.

Married men live longer, earn more, have better health outcomes, and report higher life satisfaction. For women? The benefits depend entirely on the quality of the marriage.

But what if I told you there's a game-changer?

Equitable marriages flip this script entirely. When both partners truly share the mental load, emotional labor, and decision-making, something magical happens:

✨ Both partners become happier
✨ Intimacy deepens
✨ Conflict decreases
✨ The relationship becomes a source of energy, not drain

The secret isn't working harder on your marriage. It's working smarter - together.

Full research breakdown in my latest blog.

www.audreylmft.com/blogs/why-equitable-marriages-create-stronger-happier-relationships

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Roseville, CA

Website

http://www.AudreyLMFT.com/

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I treat couples and individuals who are seeking to gain insight and create lasting change. I provide practical, straightforward, and interactive approaches to navigating life's challenges blended with empathy and thoughtful objectivity. I particularly enjoy working with couples seeking to repair or strengthen their relationship or navigate life transitions, including poly/open relationships. I have special interest in working with first responder families. As a LEO wife, I have a deep understanding of the challenges associated with the lives of first responders and their families.

My integrative approach to therapy is founded on establishing a genuine, trusting relationship. With a focus on effective therapy, I seek what works. I am also comfortable delving into the darker realms of our human experience as well as welcoming the humor and joy that often arises in the celebration of self-discovery.

Let's create the life you want, the relationships you desire, and happiness you deserve together. I offer online video counseling to CA residents with daytime availability. As of October 2019 I have Monday and Wednesday daytime openings.