California Online EMDR

01/23/2024

"Actually, it’s you who is abusive.”

“You say I have to apologize for calling you names, but when you are you going to apologize for denying me sex.”

“You’ve said and done things I’ll never recover from, too.”

There’s nothing quite like the rage and indignation of a man who has been told what he did.

Many respond by telling their partner that it is in fact that partner who is the abusive one.

The real act of abuse isn’t hitting her, calling her a bitch, financially controlling her, exploiting her labor for years, emotionally neglecting their kids, or any of the myriad of other crimes he has committed.

No. The real horror is that she told him not to do these things—or got angry with him for doing them.

He’s not really a narcissist or an abuser. She is the real abuser, because she dares to demand different treatment from him."

https://zawn.substack.com/publish/post/140553012

12/01/2023

Learn more about the manipulation at www.selfcarehaven.org ❤️
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11/28/2023

11/23/2023

11/23/2023

How does online emdr work? Check out my blog to find out more!

After the pandemic and teletherapy was well underway I was relieved to find that online emdr was as effective as in person emdr. EMDR is a huge part of my practice and I use it in almost 80% of my sessions. Emdr therapy ...

11/20/2023

11/18/2023

11/16/2023

Have you ever stayed in a toxic relationship because you were convinced by the other person that the toxicity was “all your fault?” 👋

Many of us recognize that these relationships are toxic; we’re not blind to it. We’re there for the endless arguments, the stoic silences, the deep unhappiness.

But many of us have been convinced that we’re the *sole* source of the toxicity (a narrative that emotionally manipulative partners will push hard). Many of us believe that we can singlehandedly “solve” the toxicity by being less “sensitive”⁠—another story we are often fed when we (rightly) react, or are (rightly) sensitive to, mistreatment.

It can be hard to hold on to your version of reality when you are constantly fed the myth of your own reactivity by someone who takes no accountability for their part in the relationship dynamic.

Other folks might tell you to “just leave them already!” 👉 but inside, there’s a part of you that believes that if only YOU were better, stronger, more stoic, the relationship would be just fine.

Understanding this cycle has really helped me have compassion for my past self who over-stayed in toxic relationships. When you’ve been successfully convinced you’re the problem, of *course* you stay; the solution isn’t to leave, but to be endlessly “better.”

It’s an incredibly powerful thing: to finally realize that sensitivity to mistreatment is a good thing.
To realize that being maladjusted to being disrespected and harmed is healthy.
To realize that maybe the problem isn’t your “sensitivity,” but the person who is hurting you.

11/16/2023

Here is a fantastic book I just learned about.

Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse, Gaslighting, Codependency and Complex PTSD (4 Books in 1): Workbook and Guide to Overcome Trauma, Toxic Relationships, Anxiety, and Improve Mental Health by Linda Hill
It is four books in one and focuses on common issues that many of my clients struggle with:
-narcissistic abuse recovery
-gaslighting
-codependency
-complex ptsd recovery
I highly recommend this resource.

https://amzn.to/3Qizkdd

11/04/2023

New blog post on co-parenting with a high conflict person.

https://resilienceandhealing.com/healing-trauma-blog/f/co-parenting-with-a-high-conflict-ex

10/27/2023

A new blog post on one of the most under-recognized trauma response....

https://californiaonlineemdr.com/emdr-%26-trauma-healing/f/what-is-the-most-under-recognized-trauma-response