08/01/2025
I met my younger self for coffee today…
She ran into the shop out of breath and anxious, 15 minutes late. Shame dimmed her eyes despite the well-practiced smile she wore. No one else knew she had been up all night again, crying and afraid.
I had been right on time, so I purchased her a caramel latte and found a sunny corner table to wait. I ordered a craft kombucha for myself instead.
She was about 19, her hair perfectly curled, wearing her favorite lace tank top and five inch wedges. My hair was windblown and messy, and I pushed the glasses up my nose while setting my cane next to the table. We both had purple eyeshadow. She sipped her latte and watched me curiously over her cup.
She told me about her dreams to travel the world and become a therapist, to live a life full of adventure. Eventually she paused, and whispered she was afraid. I took her hand.
“What is driving your fear?” I asked, as she blinked back tears. She chewed her lip and I held her hand a little tighter.
“That it never gets better. That the sadness never goes away and chokes out my dreams.”
I tell her of all the places I’ve been, all the friendships I’ve made across the world. All the dreams I’ve embodied and continue to weave.
“We learn to find joy, even on the hard days. Hope becomes a way of life- not just a feeling that comes and goes. It becomes something far more solid.”
I don’t tell her that she will get sicker in the next few years. That she walks away from the man she plans to marry because of abUs£. Instead I hold her. I let her cry- I tell her I hear her. She doesn’t need to carry the burdens of the future.
“Life is unexpected. But it also turns out good. Your fight for your voice becomes a passion to hear the stories of others. Sometimes things get hard. But you are enough as you are… and you are more capable than you believe. You become the kind of woman you can be proud of.”
She let out a deep breath, like she’d been holding it and waiting for 19 years. I think perhaps she had been.
“I can’t wait,” she mused.
“For what?” I asked.
“To be just like you,” she chuckled. ✨
