Beyond Abuse Essential Healing

10/10/2023

https://beyondabuseessentialhealing.com/2019/02/08/survivors-guilt/

Trigger Warning: This post is all about triggers. Triggers are different for everyone. You never know when they are going to show up. I am sharing in hopes of helping others. Over the last 6 months…

10/02/2023

https://beyondabuseessentialhealing.com/2016/10/01/domestic-violence-intimate-partner-violence-raising-awareness/

Over 20 years ago as my X started belittling me and yelling at me on a regular basis I did not realize what was happening. The abuse didn’t happen over night. There were gradual changes in hi…

07/28/2023

~ Henk 💜

07/22/2023

This is so true. Take care of yourself.

05/23/2023

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=558965213100412&id=100069608132475&mibextid=CDWPTG

At the World Championships in Budapest in June, USA’s Anita Alvarez sank to the bottom of the pool.

Looking across the deck, then noticing she was under way too long, her coach, Andrea Fuentes immediately dove in after her fully clothed, pulling her to safety. Anita was unconscious and didn’t have the capacity to kick, paddle, or help herself in any way.

If Andrea would not have noticed, she would have drown.

But she knew Anita. She looked for her, quickly noticed she was under too long, then dove in without thinking twice.

This has resonated with me….

When you are under too long, who are the people that will look for you, notice, and dive in to pull you to the surface when you lose your strength to swim?

Who are the people that would do that for you?

And can someone count on you to be that person that would go looking and notice when they are under too long, diving in to support them when they are all out of fight and fuel to swim in these turbulent waters we call life?



- Written by Jakkia Ambler Hollingsworth

05/15/2023

05/10/2023

I am excited to read my friend Madison's book that is coming out soon. Get your preview at https://www.madisonfrederick.com/narcissist-book

Madison Frederick is the author of Untangle The Web Of Narcissism; From Deceit And Chaos To Finding Your Sanity, an inspirational self-help book. This practical how-to guide on identifying and addressing toxic patterns in any relationship can shift your perspective on your own relationships, pattern...

04/30/2023

You are not alone!

04/28/2023

When you have something difficult to communicate, try using this tool to share your frustration.

It simplifies emotional expression, making it easier to share your feelings in a way that is more likely to be heard and understood by who you’re speaking to.

For example, “I feel sad when you come home from work and immediately turn on the tv because I think I’m not important to you.”

You can use this to effectively convey any emotion or thought in your relationships. I still use it at home! (Save this so you have it when you need it!)

Check out my book “The Burnout Cure” for more tips like this on effective communication. www.drjuliehanks.com/books

04/06/2023

Amazing education!

So seriously, do you always have to ask for permission, even if you are in a long-term relationship or married?

Let’s cover a few things first.

1. Let's look at the stats. 10-14% of married women experience r*pe from their husbands and 15-25% of women from their intimate partner*.

2. Emotional IQ matters. Are you self-aware of your wants, needs, and desires? Can you communicate with them effectively and hold your boundaries?

3. Are you observant of others' body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions? Do you take the time to correctly interpret and RESPECT those cues?

4. Do you know your romantic partner does not owe you anything, especially access to their body? This makes no difference whether or not you have a marriage certificate.

5. Any agreement regarding another person's body can be REVOKED anytime.

Now that we are clear on that let me answer the question.

If you BOTH are solid and in agreement on items 2-5 that I listed, then YES, there are physical actions that you and your partner can create a blanket consent agreement that it's okay to do.

The what, when, how, and where is up to you both to MUTUALLY decide upon. And, of course, can be REVOKED anytime by either party.

But if I'm going to be completely honest. Many couples need to improve at ALL of these things, even if they've been together for a long time.

It's easy to get complacent and forget to romance your partner.

It's easy to treat your partner as your stress relief toy rather than as a person with complex thoughts, needs, and desires.

It's easy to forget that both parties are responsible for creating an environment where both want and willingness can thrive.

That's why being direct with what, how, why, and where you want your partner is the exact opposite of a mood killer.

Making it your goal to get that "yes" because they want to and not just because they are willing kicks things up a notch.

So yes, there are instances where blanket consent is appropriate.

But I'm here trying to change our overall view on consent. It's not a romantic wet blanket—rather a romance igniter.

*The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

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www.wholeheartedconsent.com