05/30/2021
“Do you see the pattern?”, asked, as I sit on his couch in his living room, in a high-rise overlooking Austin, Texas back in 2015.
I was interviewing for a role with Tucker’s company, Book in a Box, and it was the first time another person pinpointed a pattern in my life — a pattern which I believe to be one of my karmas to integrate in this lifetime.
I consistently worked for men who, in many cases, were in their unhealthy masculine. I joined the company, worked my butt off, and excelled in my role, yet I felt stressed and unfulfilled. I modeled what success looked like to me which was hyper-masculine — grind, compete, create systems and structure.
Reflecting on my life, there have been many examples of my validation coming from men. Starting as a middle child, I received acknowledgement and love when I did well in school and excelled in sports, especially from my father. To this day, I love to celebrate career and financial success with my dad (it’s usually what we bond over).
I see the pattern of seeking validation from men through dating. If HE finds me beautiful, intelligent, and desirable then I feel it more myself. I often led with my accomplishments because, well, those are what I was conditioned to believe made me ‘worthy’ of love and respect.
The pattern? Seeking love and validation from men. (I’m sure many women reading this can relate)
The realization? I get to love myself, unconditionally.
We throw around the term self-love, yet I really didn’t feel or embody it to the depths of what it means to me now. I am getting to a place in my life where I truly LOVE myself and get turned on by my presence — where I know and value who I am and what I stand for, while giving permission and grace to shift as I evolve.
There is absolutely no blame on anyone else. This share is to show the power of our beliefs and stories that develop over time that ultimately shape our life experience. Other humans are such amazing mirrors to bring awareness to where we have opportunity to integrate and evolve.
(CONTINUED IN COMMENTS)