Return to Roots Therapy

01/28/2024

Life looks a lot different today than it did the last time I carved out a minute to post here. In the last year I have become a mom of 2 girls, a woman experiencing her second round of postpartum depression, a medical advocate for another baby with a tongue and lip tie as well as for myself after a second unplanned cesarean section, an overstimulated and touched out human, and the happiest most full version of myself. Motherhood has taken me to depths I never knew existed and at times wasn’t sure I would come out of, but at the end of the day I’m astounded at my strength and resiliency. I dove back into my own personal therapy knowing that I needed to freshen up my skills and be supported during the postpartum period and deserved a space of my own to navigate the grief/transition/fear/intense joy I was experiencing. ⁣⁣
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There are so many things in my life vying for my time and attention that I keep pretty strong boundaries around time spent on social media after learning time and time again that the scale tips from a positive addition to my life to a negative very quickly. All that to say, I am learning how to be present in this space and reach more of my community without losing myself in the comparison and perfectionist parts of myself. I’m so excited to step back into my therapist shoes and also terrified at the juggling act of a working mother. Come along for the ride!

06/07/2022

This is the first spring since moving to Washington that I have noticed the growth in the pine trees. Up until now I’ve paid so much attention to the flashier foliage that I didn’t notice the growth that actually sticks around long term. And of course as a therapist I love to find a parallel in everything, but especially in trees since my practice was built around the strength, resilience, and flexibility of my favorite things 🌲 ⁣
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The vivid green growth/expansion grows onto the old growth. The old growth doesn’t fall off to make room for the new, in the same way that our goal is not to vanish in order to find change/expansion/transformation. ⁣
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The new cannot exist without the old. The old actually creates the new-the new is built within the framework of the old, and then is supported by the old until it all assimilates. In the way of the pine tree the new growth will match the old in color, and the two will soon be indistinguishable. ⁣
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My work is not to help my clients erase who they are or have been, it is to use those parts to enrich who they are now and where they want to go. The amount of energy needed for the tree to physically change is enormous, much like the energy needed in the therapeutic space. It must be supported, nourished, have it’s basic needs met, and atomically know that it CAN grow. ⁣
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Lastly, the tree takes breaks. This new growth is cyclical because it only has SO MUCH energy to go SO FAR each year. Does that mean the tree sees itself as worthy for the rest of the year and sits in contentment with where it is? Ok, my parallel has gone too far, but one can only hope. 🌲🌲🌲

04/05/2021

I. Am. Back. ✨⁣
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“What does that even mean” you say- “we didn’t even know you were gone”. I know, I know-social media for my business isn’t really my jam. As a therapist I obviously value in person interactions and I’m also very protective of my time away from my office, but I wanted to say hi and reengage with my little IG community. ⁣
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I had a sweet rainbow baby Camden May Mikolasy on October 26th and have spent the past 5 months navigating what motherhood looks like for us. I have a new found respect and understanding for mothers and am aware of the incredible privilege I have had to be able to focus solely on healing and growing into this mother role for 5 months. ⁣
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I will be returning a bit more part time than previously planned, but because of that am excited to serve those who fit perfectly into the work I challenge my clients to do. One month before having Camden I received my National Perinatal Mental Health certificate and cannot wait to continue serving this population that I so passionately seek to support. ⁣
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So join me as I stumble and fumble through being a mom/wife/breastfeeding machine/small business owning/seeker of all things awe inspiring woman and let’s get back to it!!💛 Now-to figure out what it means to put on real pants and wash my hair......🤔

05/03/2020

Honoring women everywhere on this Bereaved Mother’s Day. If this is a day you haven’t heard of, now is the time. Today is a day to love, celebrate, and acknowledge women who have experienced miscarriage, infant loss, stillbirth, infertility and all of the hope-heartache-loss-isolation-anger-and shattered feelings associated with these unimaginable situations. We celebrate these women one week before Mother’s Day-a day where they often feel invisible and forgotten. Where hearts ache and bodies remember. Even when there are children in these women’s lives to be loved and held, and their inner critic tells them to be grateful and forget about the past-this is me giving you permission to sit deep inside that empty space where that child-or that hope for a child exists. You are not invisible-I see you and hold every facet of you in my heart.

04/09/2020

I chatted with Billie Tyler today about the importance of perinatal mental health and we did a deep dive into the COVID crisis and how it is impacting mothers and families. Bottom line-put your oxygen mask on first. There’s no other way we will walk out the other side of this in one piece.

01/24/2020

“Being told its ‘only a bag of cells’ is not helpful”. Such an honest article about the life altering pain experienced through ectopic pregnancies and miscarriage and the damage that can be done by minimizing the loss.

One in six women suffer post-traumatic stress for months after losing a baby, research suggests.

01/22/2020

This is an area that I explore with so many clients. We all desire to feel loved and good enough, but we are often our own worst enemy in this arena.

Being tough on yourself, especially when you've gone in the wrong direction, can make you stronger. But when you can't turn that voice off, it can limit your potential. Fortunately, there are proven ways to retake control.

01/17/2020

I am a glutton for-and find urgency in-beauty. I spend a large portion of my days intentionally soaking in and seeking the phenomena of this Earth that many see as benign. I believe this trait lives in my DNA, but it’s also something I have heightened through practice. I am obsessed with finding and focusing on the things my body finds incredible. Leaves, untouched snow, sleeping puppies, the sweet smells of spring, the sound of the crunchy morning earth, soft textures, glowing natural light, and sunsets. Oh the sunsets. I used to run down our street in San Diego or jump in my car and make the short drive in a matter of seconds just to catch the moment the sun met the earth. I cannot describe how this moment makes me feel, but the one time I tried I simply said “It’s the way I know a God exists”. ⁣
In session, I often find myself staring at the metaphorical sunsets in my client’s lives and internally begging them to look out the window and see it. Begging them to witness the incredible beauty that lives within them-but that’s not my job. My job is to hand them a rag and the windex each week and help them clean a little more dirt off the window so that one day they can look out and see the brilliant colors themselves. This goes directly against my instinct to save them-because if we can be real, a big majority of therapists were the rescuers of their households-but I value the many moments over the years when my therapists have patiently watched me wipe off that last bit of mud to see the truth on the other side. Find someone to hand you a rag and love you patiently while you wipe off the dirt.

12/20/2019

🔻It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year🔻⁣
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Is it really though? This time of year can be like a giant flashlight that illuminates grief, unmet expectations, loss and loneliness. It reminds us of broken relationships, tension in families, boundaries that go unnoticed and the place in life you thought you would be. ⁣
What would it look like to care for yourself in this season? Would it look like lowering expectations? Releasing some control? Setting limits on how much time is spent with certain people or at certain events? So often I am told that my clients can’t create boundaries to care for themselves because of the backlash from their loved ones, but how can they be called our loved ones if they expect us to sit in suffering to prove that we love them? Is love truly building in those spaces? Or is that resentment and eventually disconnection?⁣
I wonder how differently we would show up for ourselves or others if we didn’t feel like there were rules attached to this season. I’m guessing the tightness in our chests and the tension in our relationships would suddenly loosen and we might find that reason for the season to be a bit more accessible. How can you show up for yourself?

10/10/2019

Today is World Mental Health Day and I have so many things to say but am overwhelmed by the words to effectively share them. So I will leave you with this. I’m begging you to let yourself be seen. This is quite possibly the most dangerous request I’ve ever made. Allowing ourselves to be fully seen offers up an opportunity for rejection or compound trauma, but what lies on the other end of that spectrum is freedom from the prison of your mind and the story that you have been entrenched in for too long. A story is usually penned by someone else. ⁣
We fear the darkness of our stories and the untapped emotions that live within them, so I’ll remind you that cockroaches love darkness, but so do fireflies. The places we have shut off aren’t always overrun by shame and ugliness, they’re also the spaces in which we’ve abandoned our worth or our true self. “This is something I’ve never told anyone” is a constant reminder that my clients thoughts and feelings are so sacred, so fragile, that they almost just left them wrapped tightly in the box to fester forever. That dark spot that goes unacknowledged holds so much power. But SO. DO. WE. ⁣
When you step into being fully seen you can begin to shed your layers. The healing isn’t always the easy route, but imagine what living the rest of your life without carrying that boulder around would look like. I’m incredibly honored to witness my clients declaring their worth by simply showing up. To be fully seen. ⁣