09/02/2021
“I don't like doing things I am not immediately good at" - me
this the most embarrassing things I used to say...like a lot
I thought it made me tough, made it clear that I only pursue things I have natural talent for-volleyball, lifting, debate etc. I thought it gave me direction.
In reality, this was my perfectionist mentality spilling into all aspects of my life. Years later I realize, this was how I protected myself from hurt. If no one could "beat me" no one could "hurt me".
Tbh I stopped doing a lot of the things I enjoy because I wasn't "the best" at them-painting, singing, dancing, networking, running, skiing....
The skiing. ⛷
I skied for 12 years, but hadn’t gone in about the same number.
Fast forward to last weekend when I get invited to ski with the bf and some friends
My immediate reaction (old me talkin): ANXIETYYY. Hellll to the hell no. I am not going. I am not good at skiing and I am not going with people who are better than me. I am going to fall. They are all going to make fun of me NO NO NO
See skiing isn't on the list, ya know the list of things I am immediately good at. But I am different now. So instead of spiraling, I decided to use this as an opportunity for practice- positive self-talk, grace, and patience. See the me-now knows it's okay to be vulnerable, to show weakness and to not be the best.
I was nervous the entire ride up. Lump in my throat.
and guess what?
I fell.....
in front of EVERYONE………...more than once...AND......
I SURVIVED!
I cursed. I cried. I fell. I laughed. I persevered. and despite my propensity for negativity.. I had fun.
I never couldn’t have done it 3 years ago. The shame and embarrassment I associated with not being "the best" or not being "good enough" was enough to stifle my adventurous flame for life. This experience showed me there is beauty in vulnerability and fun in being a beginner. There is no shame in asking for help and ZERO shame in not being "the best"
So fall all over the bunny hill. Change your major. Learn the piano. But whatever you do..
“Don’t let the fear of crashing into a tree keep you from learning to ski” ⛷