04/13/2026
Yesterday, I ran into a friend who asked me if I read the Lissa Rankin articles.
"She objects to Byron Katie's work, so I was wondering what you thought."
It's not the first time a prominent writer has raised criticisms of Byron Katie's work. Or of inquiry itself.
Turns out....Rankin called it gaslighting for trauma survivors. She said it can betray the marginalized. That it can be used to pressure people into accepting unacceptable things.
Before I read the article, when my friend shared with me, I said: "I don't have any contact with Byron Katie for many years, and I'd have to dive into Rankin's work more carefully to understand, but yes. I think you can use inquiry against yourself, to be honest."
Reading about it later, my thought was: this doctor is not entirely wrong.
I have seen inquiry used badly.
I have watched people use "is it true?" as a way to override grief that hadn't had a chance to breathe yet.
As a way to tell themselves, or someone else, you're not being harmed, you're just having a thought about being harmed.
As a bypass hatch rather than a doorway.
I once worked with someone caught inside a genuinely coercive community. It was very cult-like.
There was a primary leader/teacher, a special insiders group that got to meet with the leader regularly, and the need to self-improve endlessly and pay money for treatments and participation.
Lots of striving, fixing, trying to "get it".
And I want to be honest with you: inquiry did not liberate this client from that situation.
My thought was I didn't fire her soon enough. I wasn't helping her.
She was so deeply convinced she was broken and needed fixing that no matter what thought we examined, she couldn't find solid ground around shifting away from being trapped.
The world outside always seemed equally broken and dangerous and full of evil energies always ready to attack.
She loved arriving back at No Thought in a kind of dissociative, spaced-out place of non-action.
So when Lissa Rankin says timing matters, I agree.
When she says that naming harm accurately is sometimes the beginning of healing, not a failure of spirituality, I agree.
When she says that "loving what is" cannot be allowed to become a phrase that collapses moral distinctions, I completely agree.
Here is where I part ways with her.
There is a difference between a tool and how a tool is used. And there is a difference between self-inquiry and self-erasure.
Genuine inquiry, The Work as I have practiced it and continued with a magnificent ever-evolving journey for over twenty years, does not ask you to pretend something didn't happen.
It does not ask you to be okay with abuse.
It does not reward you for arriving at a particular answer.
It asks: is the thought you're carrying actually true right now?
That's it.
When it's practiced with care, with a felt sense of your own body, without a facilitator who needs you to get somewhere specific, it creates more agency, not less.
More honesty, not less.
More accurate perception of reality, not a dreamy foggy bypass.
The discerning critic's test, and this is the one I keep returning to, is this: does the practice increase your clarity, your groundedness, your ability to act when action is called for?
If yes, something authentic is happening.
If no, if you leave more confused, more unable to protect yourself, more dependent on an authority in the room, something is off.
If you leave full of a spinning mind and a bazillion thoughts more than you had before--or resignation and annihilation or shock--you're trying to find safety, a correct answer, your mind is taking charge.
I've used this example for years: if you're thirsty, then go get a glass of water for Godssake.
You don't ask "is it true?" or turn it around to "I'm not thirsty." Jeezus.
You don't need to do years of therapy, or shadow work, or trauma-release either, unless you really want to and it's working for you.
As you may know, I personally love making friends with difficult emotions and energy of feelings rather than trying to inquire them away.
I love not making someone else the enemy and bane of my existence (including reality), which makes me a victim.
I love that inquiry is ultimately about freedom.
The deepest kind of spirited, loving freedom that trusts life to do whatever it does, which includes YOU doing whatever you need to do to meet the conditions.
And this is exactly why I'm facilitating the mini workshop: The Unwanted this Wednesday.
Not because inquiry should be used on fresh harm, active abuse, or anything that needs protection, action, or clear naming.
But because there are also parts of reality that do not change when we argue with them.
Aging. Loss. Limits. Mortality.
The conditions we didn't choose.
And in those places, the story we carry can add a shocking amount of extra suffering.
That is where I believe inquiry earns its keep.
Not to make you love losing someone before you're ready to, if ever.
Not to rush you through grief.
Not to have you pretend something didn't happen the terrible way it happened.
But to gently, slowly, ask:
What story am I carrying about this? And is that story actually serving me? Or is it the thing making the unbearable even more unbearable?
That's what we'll explore together for 3 hours on Wednesday, April 15th, in an online mini-workshop on The Unwanted
Like death. Aging. Taxes.
Like our own personalities or life conditions.
The things we didn't vote for and can't return.
This is not about becoming more spiritual about reality.
It's about becoming more honest, more grounded, and less internally at war with what is already here.
If you've noticed that some things in life are simply not negotiable, and that resisting them has become its own kind of burden, this workshop is for you.
We're just 3 days out now.
You can register below for $65, or $47 sliding scale if you need it. You do not need to have done The Work before.
You just need to be someone who has noticed that some things in life are simply unwanted, and who is curious about what becomes possible when you stop fighting that fact long enough to look at it clearly.
Mini Workshop: What is Unwanted--(Death, Aging, Taxes)
Wednesday, April 15th, 2026
9 am - noon Pacific Time (Los Angeles)
Noon - 3pm Eastern Time (New York)
5-8pm Greenwich Mean Time (London/Ireland)
6-9pm Central European Time (Paris/Berlin)
Online
$65, with a sliding scale option starting at $47
I'd love to inquire with you.
Much love,
Grace
COMING EVENTS
Summer Fear to Freedom Retreat August 8-14, 2026 start Saturday evening, end Friday noon. Deposit of $600 holds your spot.
Wanted: two people (one has been filled so actually only one person) who would like to participate in the August retreat for work-trade to manage food and meals. You don't have to know how to cook, but you'll help purchase all the food (you'll receive a list), unpack it and help assemble it for meals. (Participants will take turns doing clean-up). You'll sleep in a shared room or the large lower level rec-room which has comfortable mattresses. Your full tuition is deposit-only ($600). Write grace@workwithgrace.com with questions or to apply.
June Embodied Self-Inquiry non-residential Retreat 4-days in The Work in Seattle at WorkWithGrace headquarters. June 11-14, start 9:30am Thursday, end Sunday noon. $675. Can help you find a place to stay nearby looking at AirBnb, or The Lodge at Saint Edwards Park (15 min drive).
