12/31/2025
Trust Through a Disorganized Attachment Lens 🧩
For disorganized attachment, trust isn’t confusing because you “don’t know what you want.”
It’s confusing because connection and danger were paired early on.
Your nervous system learned:
“I want closeness… but closeness doesn’t feel safe.”
So trust must be built slowly, clearly, and predictably.
Using the Cs of Trust:
🧠 Competence (Self-Regulation First)
Trust grows when you can pause instead of spiraling or shutting down.
You don’t need to be calm all the time—you need to be aware and responsible for your reactions.
🧭 Character (No Mixed Messages)
Disorganized attachment is deeply impacted by contradiction.
Trust forms when words, tone, and actions match consistently—not just during “good moments.”
🤍 Caring / Compassion (Gentle, Not Overwhelming)
Too much intensity can feel as unsafe as emotional absence.
Trust builds when care is steady, warm, and non-intrusive, with room to breathe.
🔁 Consistency (Safety Over Chemistry)
High chemistry without consistency often recreates old trauma bonds.
Your nervous system learns safety through boring reliability, not emotional highs.
🗣️ Communication (Clear + Repair-Focused)
Silence, ambiguity, or sudden withdrawal triggers fear responses.
Trust grows when conflict includes repair, reassurance, and clarity—not disappearance.
✨ Disorganized Attachment Truth:
If someone activates both longing and fear, your system will oscillate back and forth.
That’s not intuition—that’s trauma memory.
Trust isn’t about intensity.
It’s about predictability, repair, and emotional coherence.
