Anchored In Hope: My Journey Through Terminal Illness

03/12/2026

It could always be worse! How many of us have heard that before? While there is truth to that for sure and it is a great reminder to be grateful that things aren't worse it demeans and minimizes what terminally ill people are going through. Yes, thank God I'm not on hospice yet and things could be worse but if I'm honest things could be better. I think it's terrible to minimize and demean what a chronically ill and terminally ill person is going through. As anyone that has been following my blog knows I completely believe in the power of positivity and being grateful but just as a negative attitude is harmful, so is toxic positivity. What is toxic positivity? Toxic positivity is the excessive or forced focus on positive thinking that dismisses, ignores, or invalidates negative emotions, even in difficult situations. It occurs when individuals feel pressured to always maintain a positive outlook at all times, regardless of hardships, loss, or emotional distress, often leading to the suppression of natural feelings like sadness, anger, or frustration. While optimism and gratitude are healthy, toxic positivity becomes harmful when it denies or minimizes negative experiences, making people feel guilty or inadequate for experiencing normal human emotions.

We all have days when life is hard regardless of whether you're sick or not. When you're chronically ill or terminally ill, you may have those kinds of days more frequently. I'm here to tell you that it's okay to not always look on the sunny side. You wouldn't be human if you never felt down. It's okay to cry, be mad, or whatever emotion you might be feeling at the time. I have had my share of bad days when I have cried. I think it's actually healthy to let yourself feel whatever it is you're feeling instead of shoving it deep down inside of you and ignoring it. What you're going through with being seriously ill isn't easy. Sickness never is. A lot of people can't even handle the common cold without feeling like they might die, much less handle a chronic or terminal illness. The important thing is to not let yourself stay down. Even the fiercest warrior can get tired and worn out in the battle and we're fighting a battle for our life 24/7/365/. So, the next time someone tells you it could always be worse tell them yes, but it could also be better!

03/09/2026

03/09/2026

The other day I finally got my new powerchair that I have been needing for quite some time. It is incredibly painful and exhausting for me to stand for more than just a couple of minutes and my rollator only helps for walking very short distances since my severe degenerative scoliosis has progressed. It was like Christmas for me when it was delivered to my home. Finally, no more having to be in severe pain to the point of exhaustion and suffering. A lot of people might be embarrassed and even feel bitter at the fact of needing a wheelchair and I completely understand how they might feel that way. Being disabled and terminally ill isn't for whimps! It is hard because suffering is hard. No one likes suffering. If they did, it wouldn't be suffering. However, truth be told you can either let it make you bitter or better. The choice is yours. Being full of bitterness isn't going to the change the circumstances you are in and will just leave you angry, depressed, stressed, and due to the stress possibly even worse off physically, mentally, and emotionally. Science has proven that harboring anger and bitterness can lead to severe depression, high blood pressure, heart attacks, strokes, and even cancer. Therefore, I choose to let it make me better.

I choose to look at my medical devices as weapons to help me fight the diseases that I have because without them I wouldn't have been able to live as normal life as I have all these years. Just like a warrior needs a sword to fight my medical devices allow me to keep fighting these horrible illnesses. No matter what we may be going through in life attitude is everything. That doesn't mean we have to be a Polyanna about everything in life, but we do have a choice about how we respond to circumstances. The Apostle Paul said that "in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" 1 Thessalonians 5:18. Why did Paul say to give thanks in all circumstances? He says that because we know that in whatever circumstances we find ourselves in that God will use them for our good if we will allow Him to. No matter the struggle we are in the Lord says that "All things work together for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose" Romans 8:28. Even though sickness, pain, and suffering aren't good, God still is and that doesn't change according to our circumstances. He is still good regardless of our feelings of what we are going through. The Lord is Sovereign over everything, and He holds us in His hand. One day there will be no more pain and suffering and for that we can give thanks. I look forward to one day no longer needing mobility aides but for right now I do and for that I can give thanks for power chairs and rollators because they allow me to be a warrior. So, let's choose to give thanks for all of the good things that help us to live our best life and be the overcomer that we were created to be. Check out the picture of my new power chair below!

02/25/2026

What do you say to someone when they tell you that they have a terminal illness? It can be a little awkward and confusing for some people to hear and know how to respond to such devastating news. Knowing that someone you love and care about is going to die is never easy to hear. However, it's important that you be there for the person that is ill. The best thing you can do is first and foremost listen to them. Put your phone down, turn off the TV, or stop whatever it is you're doing, and just listen and be there for them in that moment. Everything else can wait.

So, now that you listened attentively now what? The next step is strictly up to you. If you're a hugger then you can give them a hug. Tell them that you're sorry that they're going through this, tell them you're there for them, and support them. Tell them that you love them. Whatever it is you want to say, say it. Just show them that you care. The worst thing you can do is to minamalize what they're going through. All that does whether intended or not is make the person feel uncared about and unseen. Basically, it's pretty simple. Treat the person the way you would want to be treated if you were in their shoes. I think sometimes we can overthink things and make situations harder than they need to be. Empathize with them because you know that if it were you that just found out that you had a terminal illness you would want others to empathize with you. It's basically just the Golden Rule here. You don't have to do or say anything elaborate. Just being there for them is enough.

02/20/2026

I'm sure we're all familiar with how Hollywood portrays death. The person dying is usually lying in bed and it's only a few minutes before they pass away peacefully by closing their eyes. Usually before they close their eyes they are telling their loved ones good-bye and while their loved ones are all gathered around them. It makes for great TV or movies but the reality is quite the opposite. In most cases of terminal illness it can be a long, drawn out process depending on the illness. Some terminal illnesses have a shorter prognosis but most have a year-several years depending on what the illness is.
At the beginning the person might even seem okay depending on the type of illness and how much interaction you might have with them on a day to day basis. It's usually easy to mask symptoms at the beginning and try to carry on as normal. However, as the symptoms progress it becomes harder to try to carry on as normal and it becomes more obvious to those around them that they're very sick. Work may become impossible at this point or at least hours cut back to part-time. Doctor's appointments will begin to get more frequent and they will require help with the day to day activities. Going grocery shopping might be too much for them, housekeeping, cooking meals, etc.
Then at the end if and when hospice is called in things begin to change but depending on the illness it could be quickly like a week or months before the patient passes away. In order to even qualify for hospice care the patient must be given the diagnosis from their doctor of having 6 months or less to live in order for insurance to cover it. If the patient lives past the 6 months hospice can always be extended for another 6 months. As the body begins to shut down it is a slow process. The person might begin to sleep more and not eat very much due to nausea or just not feeling hungry. They may begin to have hallucinations. They may no longer be able to urinate due to eating and drinking less and the organs shutting down. At this point the person would require a catheter. They may slip into unconsciousness and wake up periodically or not at all. Again, it depends on the individual patient.
At the very end of life, you may hear what is called the death rattle. It sounds scary to hear but it doesn't cause the patient any discomfort. The death rattle is a term that is used in end of life care that describes a distinctive gurgling or rattling sound that can occur when a person is near death. Usually in the final hours or at most a couple of days. However, it should be noted that not everyone has the death rattle at the end of life but most do. It happens because the patient can no longer swallow or cough effectively and the saliva and other secretions collect in the throat. As the person breathes the air moves through the secretions and creates the rattling sound. This is why it is known as the death rattle. Once, the body fully shuts down then of course the death rattle stops because the person is no longer breathing.
Death and dying is a process and not the short and pretty one you see in the movies. It's important to know this because if you aren't aware of this it can be shocking and disturbing when the time comes that you're with someone that is dying. It can also help you to better support the person in their death and dying journey. Even if you yourself don't ever encounter this it can help you to be supportive to someone you know that might be going through this with their loved ones.
It can seem scary but remember the important thing is that it's not about you it's about the person that is dying. Don't let your fear keep you away from being with them because you may regret it later on. Hospice offers social workers and chaplains so if you need to reach out and talk to someone that can support you during the process please reach out to them because they are there to support the family during this hard and sad time.

02/15/2026

This past Tuesday I had an MRI of my brain. The good news is that I don't have any tumors, lesions, or any strokes. The bad news is that I have brain tissue atrophy. Not very surprising since I have mild cognitive impairment but still not good. However, as with everything else it's all in God's hands. I have been doing my part to try to slow my cognitive impairment down but honestly at the end of the day there really isn't much you can do when it's the brain. It's not like something's where by just changing your lifestyle you can improve it.
MSA/P affects so much and it's a terribly cruel illness but I have learned over the years that we don't have control over our lives as much as we would like to think we do. We like to think that we're the captain of our ship and that as long as we eat well and exercise regularly we can avoid health problems. That unfortunately isn't true. It definitely helps but genetics and environmental factors also play into our health. So what can we do if like me you were doing everything right and ended up chronically or terminally ill? You keep fighting! Don't give up hope. Medical science is always advancing in their discoveries and you never know what new medicine or cure could come out. God has our life in His hands and we can trust Him with our life. Our days are written from the very beginning of time. He knows how long we have on this Earth and there isn't anything we can do to prolong it. We can rest in His Sovereignty and His love. When it all gets to be too much we can run to Him for comfort and peace. God isn't unmoved by our cries and tears. I truly believe that when we cry it moves our Father's heart like it would an Earthly parent. He loves us dearly and cares for us deeply.
None of our suffering has taken Him by surprise and one day the Bible says all pain and suffering will cease. He will wipe every tear from our eyes This is why we can be anchored in hope because Jesus is our Hope. He has defeated sin and death. This world isn't our home. If you've accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior then your home is in Heaven. Therefore, we as Christians have nothing to fear. Does that mean we like sickness, pain, and suffering? Of course not. No one likes it but since we live in a fallen world it is a part of life that we can't escape. That's why it's important to keep our eyes on Jesus. Going through life without a personal relationship with Jesus Christ makes life so much harder. I can't imagine trying to get through life without Him. I hope that if you haven't made a personal decision to follow Him that you will. I promise it will be the best decision that you ever make. Jesus loves you! 💕💕💕

02/12/2026

So I didn't have any guesses so I will tell you what the necklace is. It's a Life Alert necklace. I wear it so that if I have a medical emergency I can call for help by pressing the button on the necklace or if I fall it will detect the fall and call for help if I need it. 🥰

02/10/2026

No one seemed to know the answer to my can you guess it post from the other day, because I had no guesses. Here's a full picture of the necklace. I didn't want to make it too easy for you guys by showing the whole necklace. Can you guess what this is now? 🙂The first person to get the answer right will get a shout out from me on my next post. Ready, set, go! Let's play! 🥰🥰🥰

02/10/2026

This post comes with a warning! ⚠️ What I'm about to share with you could change your life for the better. As most of you know I have had to retire and apply for disability. So, I have nothing but time on my hands anymore. A friend of mine does watercolor painting and I have always wanted to learn how to do any type of painting but with my previous super busy life there was never any time to learn. I have recently remedied that and let me tell you it is SO relaxing!
I immediately fell in love with it. I am starting with watercolor painting in order to build my confidence. I figured how bad could I mess up painting with just watercolors. I remembered doing watercolor painting when I was in elementary school. Of course, real watercolor painting isn't like what we all did when we were children. It's much more advanced but very beautiful and relaxing.
After this, I will try oil painting and such. I know they will be equally relaxing too. I have always loved any kind of art form and they are all fun, enjoyable, and enriching but there is definitely something immensely relaxing about painting. So, if you are looking for something new to try and a quiet, peaceful, and relaxing hobby that will change your life for the better; then may I recommend painting? You will be hooked for life and perhaps your stress and anxiety levels will go down. 🎨🖌️

02/09/2026

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02/09/2026

02/08/2026

Who else can relate? 😄😄😄