08/11/2025
I want so much to write about my Awesome Autistic/ADHD kiddos.
But the truth is, they aren't my biggest concern, at the moment.
My biggest concerns are my aging, Neurodivergent parents....of which I have 3
(A Mum, A Step Mom, and a Dad)
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So, I want to talk about my sandwich-caregiving struggles, 🥪
but to help maintain anonymity I am going to refer to the parents as Kevin, Stuart, and Bob (in no particular order).
That's right.
I will refer to them by the names of THE MINIONS. 😆
Because my very ND, retired parents are....chaotic.
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Let's start with Kevin.
Kevin's ADHD is really out of control.
Kevin is willing to seek help (not for ADHD but for OTHER issues) but Kevin cannot remember WHY they make doctor appointments. 🩺
However, Kevin doesn't want me to come WITH them to doctor appointments (virtually or otherwise). 💻
So, I have taken to calling their doctor--
leaving messages about WHY Kevin needs medical help or needs referrals.
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Of course, there is also the problem of getting Kevin to the doctor at the right time. 🕑
Sometimes Kevin shows up a week early, sometimes 2 hours late.
Kevin won't accept me driving them so I have taken to ordering them a door to door bus.
Recently that was a problem though, because the BUS DRIVER dropped Kevin at the wrong medical building 🏥
and Kevin didn't actually remember what doctor they were seeing or why, so they just sat and waited for 2 hours, at the bus stop.
Yes, I have tried phone alarms and calendar reminders. Kevin is hard of hearing and has fine motor issues.... plus the ADHD.
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Then there is Stuart. Stuart has TOTALLY unmanaged ADHD.
Stuart wants me to take them to EVERY medical appointment and to be in the room. ⚕️
However, Stuart resents my presence....
because they are unable to come to peace with illness, disability, or aging. ♿️
No matter how much I empathize or relate my own similar struggles, Stuart holds themselves to a higher "standard,"
and they lash out at me because I am a witness to what they see as their humiliation. 😱
It breaks my heart because their struggles are all pretty...ordinary.
Insomnia, stress incontinence, arthritis. None of them are moral failings!
It makes me wonder what they think of openly disabled ME. I have every SINGLE one of those issues!
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Stuart often refuses to cooperate fully with treatment--which is their right.
Except they are not honest with their doctors about it. 🙊
I recently approached Stuart about how their depression was impacting their relationship with the grandkids, and they became angry.
I dropped it. I didn't have the "spoons." 🥄
But...they didn't drop it. Stuart brought it up with their doctor.
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At a recent medical visit, they asked the doctor to explain to me that,
"Being highly emotional most of the week and crying several times a day over little things, was a normal part of the aging process."
The doctor said, "That is absolutely NOT normal," and proceeded to ask them to consider an SSRI. 💊
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Stuart is refusing to take the SSRI.
They are continuing to yell and cry, pretty much every time I speak to them.
So tonight I told them I will be texting INSTEAD of speaking to them. 📞
Now, Stuart is guilting me, over text, for setting a boundary.
Wish me luck! This boundary needs to HOLD. 🤺
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And Neurodivergent Bob. 🫣
Oh...Bob.
My MAIN problem with Bob is that they have a pet that they NEVER should have adopted. 🐕
Bob is frequently unwell due to poorly regulated, Type 2 Diabetes. 🍬
And every time they end up in the hospital, I end up having to walk their dog, multiple times a day...because the dog doesn't have access to a secure yard.
The dog PULLS and that does not mesh well with my Scoliosis, Stenosis, and Sciatica.
And Bob gets VERY upset if I let my 12 or 13 year Olds help walk the dog.
Bob ONLY wants MY help.
And my ABILITY to help, is limited.
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My apologies for the venting, folks.
It has been a rough few days.
I'll get back to the light and productive stuff, ASAP.
Now tell me...
Do YOU have a favorite sandwich?
