03/17/2026
I developed postpartum anxiety after the birth of my son. I’ve always had anxiety and OCD, so the symptoms were not new to me, but the severity was. I had a very difficult pregnancy with multiple complications. I felt very unheard by my providers. I felt the more I tried to advocate for myself, the more my providers pushed back. When my son was born, the hospital had put the wrong birth weight on my son’s ppw resulting in the pediatrician telling me to stop feeding on demand overnight and me returning the following week with an underweight baby who was 24 hours away from hospitalization. I think this is when the anxiety really kicked in full throttle. Breastfeeding did not come easily for me, but there was the formula shortage and I felt like I had no choice. Our pediatrician suggested my son may have a food allergy, and I really became preoccupied with that. My son had reflux and I became convinced that every time he spit up it was due to me eating something bad for him. So gradually, I cut out dairy, gluten, nuts, soy, tree nuts, you name it. I really tortured myself with these food restrictions. Any time he had reflux, I would run to review the labels for a contamination. The guilt and shame I felt was immense. I think that much of my anxiety was me looking to have control and self efficacy that I lacked throughout my pregnancy and immediately postpartum. I felt very alone and misunderstood with my anxiety. My family and friends were there to support me, but I was not in a place to see it or accept it. I wish I could have that time back with my son, there were many precious moments that I was not in a place to fully appreciate. This is one of the many reasons why I’m so passionate about reproductive psychiatry. I want to give women the opportunity to have that precious time with their infant, appreciate those moments, accept help from family and friends, not feel isolated, and to feel confident in their identity as a mother.
