22/10/2025
https://www.facebook.com/100063684401339/posts/1375522701247197/?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v
Your mother didn't just damage individual children, she sabotaged the sibling relationships that might have offered refuge from her toxicity. Like a puppet master orchestrating a tragedy, she assigned each child a role that served her needs whilst ensuring they'd never unite against her manipulation. The golden child became her emotional spouse and public relations triumph, showered with conditional praise for reflecting her superiority. The scapegoat absorbed her projected shame and failures, blamed for everything wrong in the family system. These weren't naturally occurring dynamics, they were strategically manufactured divisions designed to keep her children competing for scraps of approval rather than supporting each other through shared trauma.
The roles she assigned poisoned sibling bonds before they had a chance to develop authentically. The golden child learnt that maintaining mother's favour required participating in the scapegoat's devaluation, whilst the scapegoat watched their sibling receive the love and validation they were systematically denied. Like soldiers forced to fight on opposite sides of a war neither chose, you were pitted against each other in a game where she controlled all the rules, moved the goalposts constantly and ensured nobody could win except her. The resentment, jealousy and mistrust that festered between you wasn't a reflection of your characters, it was the inevitable result of her deliberate manipulation.
What makes this particularly devastating is that your siblings were the only people who truly understood what living with her was like, yet her strategic division ensured you experienced the abuse in isolation rather than solidarity. The golden child couldn't acknowledge the abuse without risking their privileged position, whilst the scapegoat's attempts to expose the truth were dismissed as jealousy or attention-seeking. She maintained control by ensuring that any alliance between you threatened her power, so she rewarded division and punished unity, celebrated competition and destroyed cooperation.
Some adult children of narcissistic mothers manage to rebuild sibling relationships after recognising the roles they were forced to play, often after the mother's death or when one sibling finally breaks free and extends a hand to the others. But many discover that the damage runs too deep, that their siblings remain invested in the roles that once protected them or that years of manufactured rivalry have created genuine animosity that can't be undone. Either outcome is valid and neither is your fault, you were all casualties of a woman who valued control over her children's wellbeing.
The grief for the sibling relationships you deserved but never had is legitimate and profound. You lost not just a healthy mother but also the possibility of siblings who might have been allies, confidants and lifelong friends. She stole those bonds before they could form, replacing potential solidarity with enforced competition. Whether you've managed to reclaim some connection with your siblings or accepted that the damage is irreparable, remember that the division was her creation, not yours and the loss you feel is yet another item on the long list of what her narcissism cost you.
