10/21/2025
Tantrums can challenge any parent, but for those of us whose nervous systems have been compromised, a child's meltdown adds layers of complexity. We are survivors who aspire to raise healthy, happy children. We are on a mission to break the chains of generational trauma, but how do we handle a typical tantrum when it triggers a trauma response within ourselves? These moments can feel overwhelming, especially when our own wounds from the past threaten to hijack our consciousness.
When my daughter was a toddler, she had EPIC meltdowns, sometimes lasting well over 45 minutes. Each high-pitched scream felt like a direct hit to my trauma-impaired nervous system. My default reaction was “MAKE IT STOP!” and I tried everything—distraction, bribery, begging—you name it. The harder I worked to "make it stop," the more dysregulated we both became.
It wasn't until I started implementing the co-regulation strategies that I used in session with my therapy clients that everything started to change for us. I began by lying flat on the floor, focusing on my breathing—in and out, slow and steady. Every few minutes, I would check in with my daughter, letting her know I loved her, creating a presence of calm and reassurance. Eventually, she would calm and ask for a hug. This practice allowed us to reconnect, facilitating repair and modeling healthy coping skills, while offering her a safe space to feel her feelings and know they were okay.
With experience as both a parent and therapist, I have learned to keep myself regulated and now I am able to sit with my children during their tough times, offering them space and understanding. My children feel safe expressing themselves and now have skills coping with big feelings more effectively. Although our family still faces the inevitable meltdown, I no longer feel like I'm failing.
That's why I founded "The PTSD Parent" community—because every parent deserves tools and support for moments like these. Together, we are healing the past and nurturing the future. 🌈❤️
Follow along for tips, strategies, parenting fumbles, and occasional wins. Together, we're breaking cycles and creating a sanctuary for our children and ourselves.
**stay tuned for the PTSD Parent podcast, coming to Spotify in early November!**
