23/01/2023
My mom, Lucy, was an incredible, unique, and strong woman.
She had a hard life. Harder than any human deserves.
She was abused in ways I don’t even want to speak of.
So naturally, her brain re-wired itself to try to protect her.
It blocked out memories.
It created different “people” in her mind so that the main Lucy didn’t have to take all the pain herself.
My mom went through years of mental struggle shortly after having me 31 years ago.
She ran away.
She tried to commit su***de multiple times.
She spent most of the first 10 years of my life in and out some psychiatric hospital or another.
No one understood what she had been through.
No one felt her pain.
She just wanted to escape it all.
And back in the early 90s a lot of diagnosis hadn’t been fully validated yet. (Dissociative identity disorder, adhd, ptsd, etc).
After a lifetime of struggle and 10 years of feeling like a failure of a mother to me…one psychologist changed it all for her.
She got on the right balance of medication and therapy, and the flip was switched.
For the first time, the year I turned 10, she never went to the hospital. And she never went again.
She proved everyone wrong - she COULD do it. She could live.
However, just 3 years later her physical body started to give out on her and she was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS).
She was told she had about 5 years of walking left, and 7 years of life.
So naturally, she proved everyone wrong yet again.
She joined research studies, medical trials, and did everything she could.
She lived 14 more years, and was walking right up until the moment she passed.
Anyone who met my mom would tell you she was kind, funny, quirky, happy, and honest.
She took care of the misfits around her neighborhood because she knew what it was like to be one of them.
After a lifetime of hurt that no one deserved…she continued to be incredibly generous to those around her.
But I am the luckiest one of all.
Because I got 17 healthy years with her.
I got 17 years to get to know the real Lucy. 💕
A mom who did literally everything she could to make sure I knew I was amazing. 💗