01/16/2026
Yes!
I was leaving the gym when I noticed a group of people with intellectual disabilities coming in.
Each person was walking beside a support person, arms linked or hands held.
As I passed, one man reached out his hand.
โJohn,โ he said.
Just his name. A simple but understood introduction. An expression of self.
I assumed we were going to shake hands, but instead he gently held the tips of my fingers for a moment. It wasn't awkward, it was just his way.
โHello,โ I said.
Immediately, he lifted something I hadnโt noticed before.
โBear!โ he announced loudly, proudly. Loud enough that everyone nearby, and probably a few people not so nearby heard.
At that moment, I braced myself for a correction.
โNot now, John.โ
โPut that away.โ
โToo loud, John.โ
But none of that happened. His support worker smiled at me and said, โHe loves his bear.โ Internally I sighed in relief.
When we think about boundaries in our line of work we often think about the staff person. But people who we support also have boundaries, and at that moment, she made it clear that Johnโs bear was his. That it belonged on the โme and mineโ side of the boundary. That this small, furry expression of self did not need fixing.
โNice to meet you,โ I said. โAnd cool bear.โ
John smiled, I smiled, and we went our separate ways. I met John and his bear and I hope I get to meet John and his bear again soon.
And what struck me most was how little it took to get it right.
All it required was a willingness to be a safe person.
To resist the urge to correct.
To not use power unnecessarily.
Being yourself isnโt something that needs to be allowed. It just needs space and respect. Sometimes that means letting a man and his bear walk into the gym without changing a thing.
This interaction reminded me of the Open Future Learning staff learning module 'Me and Mine' and what it invites us to think about. In this module Dave Hingsburger challenges us to look closely at how power works in our relationships, why people we support so often try to please us, and how easily a sense of self can be intruded upon. More importantly, he shows us how to do better, how to create space for people to build, protect, and defend their own sense of self.
Itโs a module that changes how you see the people you support, and yourself within that relationship.
Are you a director of training and do you want to see how Open Future Learning can work for your team?
Link to demo: https://www.openfuturelearning.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=login.RequestDemo
P.S. Open Future is now SCORM compliant. Use our courses on any LMS!
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ID: Text reads: If you don't like John's bear shut the f up! Image shows a man sat on a couch clutching a stuffed monkey
