02/15/2026
3 Potent Steps to Stop Saying Yes When You Mean No
A lot of the people I work with, are people that have a hard time saying "No" .
Wanting to help people, or make some things easier for others, or simply just nervous about other people thinking they are difficult for not going with the flow.
My life was the epitome of this, before I learned radical Self care and connecting to my Heart and Body (my inner wisdom) .
We can learn how to begin Reclaiming our voice and honor our needs, while still holding compassion.
Your boundaries are not selfish, they are how you are able to tune into your unique genius, and how you don't burnout.
They’re sacred and it takes a lot of practice and time.
The fun thing about this, is there IS a repeatable process that you can implement, that isn't overwhelming that is accessible, that has the ability to change everything.
1. Identify the Pattern - Get Brutally Honest
Most people think people-pleasing is about kindness. It’s not, It’s about survival. Growing up, we may have had a home with a lot of turmoil, or we were simply overlooked- we didn't want to make things more difficult for our caregivers or were afraid of the consequences, and if we were overlooked, if someone finally noticed us, we wouldn't want to upset them or push them away, with opposing answers or more work- that is survival- we learned how to receive attention, love and nourishment by not being inconvenient
For me, it looked like nervous agreement, over-explaining, and quiet resentment that simmered just under the surface. Sound familiar?
Start small:
Notice when your yes feels heavy- constriction, shallow breathing- "begrudgingly" held
Catch the micro‑moments where you silence your truth.
Name it out loud- “Ah, that’s my old pattern.-
Naming breaks the trance. (bringing the unconscious to the conscious)
When you see it, you can shift it.
2. The Boundary Experiment - Practice a Safe “No”
You don’t need to go from all or nothing-
Begin with one gentle, intentional “no” this week.
Maybe it’s declining an extra meeting, or telling a friend, “I can’t take that on right now.”
Notice what happens:
Does your breath quicken?
Do you rush to justify yourself?
Stay curious instead of judgmental.
Each authentic “no” rewires your nervous system to trust that you can survive honesty, and still be loved.
3. Re‑Author the Story- Rewrite the Internal Script
Every pattern clings to a belief(s). Mine was: “ I don't want them(caregivers) to leave again, so I will do anything for you to stay, so I am not alone"
Yours might sound like:
“It’s easier if I just do it myself.”
“They’ll be mad if I don’t agree.”
" I can't let them down, I made a commitment"
Here’s the reframe:
Old: “It’s easier if I just do it myself.”
Rewrite: It may feel familiar to carry everything, and shared responsibility creates space for me to breathe, receive, and stay resourced.
Old: “They’ll be mad if I don’t agree.”
Rewrite: Their feelings are their experience, and honoring my truth strengthens my self trust and invites more honest relationships.
Old: “I can’t let them down, I made a commitment.”
Rewrite: I am allowed to reassess what is true for me now, and adjusting my capacity is part of living in integrity with myself.
(PS- A Bubble Bath definitely is apart of the Self-Care Practice)
