Transmuting Heartbreak

15/07/2024

When I first gained clarity that I needed to walk a path I had not originally envisioned for myself, I tried to change myself so that it wouldn’t be true. Trying to change myself felt like trying to turn the ocean into a pond. As that clarity grew and I came to accept that I’d need to pass through the threshold in order for my spirit to survive, I took the steps, as excruciating as it was. A handful of years have passed and through the process of , I am joyous and open hearted. I share this to say, if you’re looking at a threshold and resisting it out of fear, know that you will walk your authentic path when it’s time for you, and it will be so worth it when you arrive.

05/08/2023

You could have done everything differently and it may have still turned out the same.

It may have happened for a reason, but it also may be senseless.

We are not the divine mother and father. We are divine children. We are most content when we let ourselves be guided.

We only show up ready to learn, ready to grow, ready to forgive.

Sometimes we are not ready to learn and grow. We resist and stumble.

Then we seek forgiveness for ourselves.

Sometimes we are not ready to forgive, then we learn through pain. Then we grow.

No one gets to move through life without the grief of heartbreak. We all experience it.

But not all of us get to turn that heartbreak into expansive love.

That depends on how we show up.

Choose forgiveness of yourself first, for simply being human.

Accept the outcome as being of the divine.

Become childlike again.

The divine mother and divine father will take care of the rest.

28/07/2023

Sinead O'Connor was someone I turned to in my most emotional times as a young teenager and young adult. She first spoke to my broken heart and longing for love when I was in middle school. Those early love and loss experiences really touched my abandonment triggers long before I knew that such a thing existed.

Later she spoke to my affinity for iconoclastic tendencies. I respected her unwillingness to try to fit a beauty mold while her beauty shone through nonetheless. The ways that she shouted down the patriarchy and spoke to the sacred feminine, without ever really using those words (that I know of), kept my ear turned toward her.

It wasn't until she died this week that I learned she struggled with mental health challenges, suicidal tendencies, had multiple diagnosis, and her adult son committed su***de only a few years ago. I read that she suffered trauma at the hand of her mother, who died when she was 19. She also had three marriages and three divorces.

Sinead strikes me as someone who felt things deeply, hated injustice vehemently, and had a voice that could do nothing but express itself.

Heartbreak comes in so many different forms. Sinead found myriad ways to express her heartbreak, and her passion, and I hope it offered her some healing and comfort during her time in her human body. May her spirit form be free and know only love.

24/07/2023

It seems easier to look at the other person's behavior and say, "that is what was so harmful".

But it wasn't the times that others didn't show up for me the way I needed in order to feel safe and loved, that cut the deepest.

It was the times that I didn't make decisions for my own safety, or in a loving way toward myself, that were the most damaging.

I am thankful I know that now, because this is something I actually have control over- the choices I make on my own behalf.

May we all know and love ourselves so well that we show up for ourselves consistently and authentically.

17/07/2023

May we continue to open our heart to love over and over and may it grow ever sweeter to do so.

08/07/2023

Sometimes relationships don’t end the way we think they will or should, and yet we still can learn to enjoy the beauty they offered when we were in the flow.

I would love to live
Like a river flows,
Carried by the surprise
Of its own unfolding.

JOHN O'DONOHUE

Fluent, from the book, Conamara Blues.
Ordering Info: https://johnodonohue.com/store

County Galway, Ireland
Photo: © Ann Cahill

06/09/2022

The NYT just published a story of the toll online dating apps are having on the metal health of long term users. Burnout, hopelessness, overwhelm, unwanted sexual advances (unsolicited dick pic anyone?) or even harassment.

Dating app companies give tips on how to "scroll mindfully" or "limit the number of active connections to nine".

Nine?! Dear goddess, I can barely manage one.

I was recently on a dating app for a month and swiftly noticed how much time it took from my day, and how it felt in my heart and body (like my heart was pulling on something and my body was just tired). It's deleted.

I am recommitted to being in relationships with myself and the material and energetic world around me. I extend trust that when it's time for me to have a romantic partnership, that the divine will deliver. I commit to doing the work of caring for my mental, spiritual and physical well-being. I know that being single allows me to do that in a more focused manner.

We don't need the NYT to tell us that years of swiping on a phone, searching for intimacy, is going to take a toll on our beings.

And you know what, maybe it is working for you! No judgment here.I certainly have had my own version of success on a dating app in the past.

Here’s an invitation to notice if it's currently working for you- or not- and what you want to do about it.

(Photo credit to Jonas Lee on Unsplash)

23/08/2022

16/07/2022

Dive in, take the leap, just build yourself a soft landing: beloved community, safe space, spiritual practice, permission to fail, grace for self and others.

16/05/2022

How do we get to a place where we no longer regret the past?

We look at ourself honestly, choose to love ourself regardless, and decide to do it differently next time.
Repeat as necessary.