24/11/2025
Thanksgiving is my trickster. She slips up alongside me, rips out my heart and stomps on it with sharp stiletto heels. She hands my heart back to me to do the work to mend the cracks and holes.
Our father died right before Thanksgiving. Our Mother is gone 6 years now. Her birthday is today, November 24th, always right around or on Thanksgiving. I lost a dear friend on that date when it was Thanksgiving Day.
In past years, Thanksgiving was a holiday where I would have family over and cook and fuss over them. It was the way I showed love to those dearest to my heart in the days when I felt unworthy of love. I would take off from work and cook for three days, making everything from scratch. I didn’t fully understand it then, but it was my way of pouring love into my family in a way that sidestepped a deep fear of rejection.
In the last years of our Mother’s life, my siblings and husband (a smaller group with most of parents gone and children grown up and busy) fussed over our Mother.
I cherish those times now. I live far away from my siblings. My daughter, nieces and their families are busy living their lives and need different traditions. This is not a poor me complaint. Things change. I am fortunate and feel loved. Still, with the change of seasons, my Thanksgiving trickster does her work, reminding me once more to feel the grief of losing people and traditions that I loved.
My trickster is wise and purposeful. A fundamental law of the universe demands that the heart be broken apart by grief. Loss and grief are meant to walk with love, connection, gratitude and compassion. Grief is not a thing to be vanquished, but something to live with. Grief and loss invite us to use love, connection, gratitude and compassion to forge golden filaments that mend the holes and fissures of a broken heart. It is a form of living kintsugi. A heart that can live with both grief and joy grows.
So that is my sacred work this time of year. When I offer to cook for my family, teach, coach and care for my dogs and land, I am forging those filaments. As I sat down this morning, I could feel joy holding hands with grief. I was home.
Do reflect on what you are thankful for this holiday if you can. It is also fine, recommended actually, to let grief live alongside the gratitude. Reach out to others in whatever way is available for you in these troubled times. Let your heart grow.
