08/11/2025
Sometimes clarity arrives months later.
And when it does, it changes everything.
Recently, I learned that my ex had told a neighbor during the divorce that I was âcrazy.â
I already knew he was saying those things because I had seen messages at the time.
But I only recently learned additionally who he said it to because a mutual friend shared it with me.
The mutual friend told me that the neighbor mentioned it, and thankfully the mutual friend responded with truth:
âNo. She is not crazy, she is a very nice woman.
And that brought clarity.
Not shock.
Just confirmation.
Because I had already sensed something had shifted in how that neighbor interacted with me.
There was hesitation.
Distance.
I felt something had been spoken about me.
When I mentioned this, I was told,
âWell, he didnât want to get involved.â
But once you tell someone a story about another personâs character, you are involved.
That is participation.
That is alignment.
And that is character assassination, even when someone believes they are simply passing along what they heard.
During the divorce, I stepped back from various friends and certain family members.
I knew how manipulative he could be.
I had lived it for years.
So when the tone of these relationships changed, I trusted my intuition and protected myself before I had proof.
During that time, he was calling and texting my mother and presenting himself as concerned and worried about me.
He acted as if he was the victim, as he always did with her. He told her he wanted to keep in touch with her and he loved her, wanted to maintain a relationship with her, but she wasnât supposed to tell me that he ďżź was in communication with her.
She aligned with him,ďżź as she always had throught my marriage. She told him she would never tell me that they were speaking to each other. when I read those texts, that was an ultimate betrayal, but it didnât surprise me.
So I stepped back from her too.
Not from anger, from self respect.
He also began reaching out to women who had always been closer to me than to him. Friends. Neighbors.
Later, when I saw the messages, I understood why.
He was asking them to âcheck inâ on me.
To make sure I was ok.
To report back.
To help shape a narrative that he was simply âworriedâ about me.
It was manipulation disguised as concern.
I also remember speaking to a family member and saying,
âNo matter how close we are, he is your family member. I understand you will take his side.â
And I stepped back peacefully.
She denied she would ever take sides.
Later, I saw messages between them.
She had been calling me under the guise of checking in as a friend.
Yet in their messages, there were horrible things being said about me.
And he was repeatedly asking her to reach out because he âhad a lot to lose.â
It was not care.
It was strategy.
And everything I had already felt in my body made sense.
During this time, my son would come home after being with his father and ask,
âWhy donât you talk to them anymore?â
And it went on for months.
I could feel the prompting behind the question, the same narrative being handed to him that was being handed to everyone else, that I was the problem.
I did not want to involve him in adult dynamics.
So I answered simply,
âBecause I know what is being said about me, and I do not appreciate it.â
And I left it there.
Months later, when I saw the full message threads, everything I had felt was confirmed.
My intuition had been right all along.
And I want to be very clear about this part.
I set the same boundary with everyone,
with my friend, the family members, even my own mother. I said, âBecause you are in contact with him, I need to take a step back. It does not feel safe for me right now. When everything is settled, we can reconnect.â I didnât yell. I didnât accuse. I didnât ask anyone to choose sides. I simply protected my peace with grace.
Some assumed my kindness meant I was stupid. But from years of being gaslit my intuition had only been sleeping, not gone. And when it returned, it returned with fire.
The way I gained access to the messages, the timing, the confirmations⌠it felt like something greater was placing the truth right in front of me. I felt held. Protected. Guided. There is a saying: be careful who you harm, because you do not know who walks with them. And I have no doubt that God walked with me.
So in the end, I didnât argue.
I didnât defend myself.
I didnât try to correct the story.
I simply returned to myself.
I chose peace over proving anything to anyone.
And I let everyone believe what they wanted to believe.
Because here is the truth:
I did not lose friends or family.
I learned that if someone could be turned against me so easily, they were never standing with me in the first place.
There is no anger in that.
Just understanding.
Just closure.
Just peace.
When a woman leaves a narcissist, she already knows the story that will be told about her.
And she chooses her freedom anyway.
If you are here too, I see you.
You are not alone.
If any part of this speaks to your own experience, you can share this post or leave a comment.
Your story matters.
And you deserve to be believed in your own life.
