16/02/2024
I’ve been thinking a lot about time. How bendy and weird it is. Today marks 20 years since my mother’s death. How is that possible? 20 years?? It seems like not so long ago…also it seems like forever ago. I was a pregnant woman awaiting my first child. Now that child is in college. I was married. I am now long divorced. I was a teacher. Now I help people unwind trauma. There are days I feel 28, 16, 65. So what is time? Is it even real? All I know is that sometimes I really miss my mom. If I could bend time I would say so many things to her: thanks for teaching me how to cook, I know you were doing your best, I wish you hadn’t been so sad, I liked it when you laughed I wish you’d been able to do that more, meet your grandchildren… I’m so glad that I have had 20 years to understand myself and my mother, loss, love, parenting, forgiveness, and accountability. I’ll need way more than 20 to understand time. And I’ll need more to understand how years later, my mother’s younger brother died on this exact day. What I already understand is how grief can weave a bond. To my brothers and cousins much love today.