Chris Tompkins

04/23/2026

Many gay men know shame and are familiar with hiding.

Most of my clients can tell me they've had a close and personal relationship with shame. So much so, it's created negative consequences in their lives — in their relationships, s*x lives, even professionally.

What often goes unrecognized is everything else.

Check out my latest article featured as an Essential Read on Psychology Today about what we often misunderstand about Jung's Shadow👇🏼

For many gay men, shame is already conscious. What often goes unrecognized is everything else.

04/08/2026

I’ve known and worked with many survivors of conversion therapy.

I write about its consequences in my book, Raising LGBTQ Allies, and what’s so disheartening to me is that I’m revisiting some of the same conversations I had about it five years ago.

My latest article for Psychology Today was selected as an Essential Read, and while I’m grateful to have a platform to weigh in on the conversation from both a clinical and personal perspective, it can feel exhausting to still be having it.

Now more than ever, talking about its consequences matters.

Link below for the full article. Please share with anyone who may benefit👇🏼

The Supreme Court just put conversion therapy bans at risk across the country. Here's what a therapist who has worked with survivors wants you to know.

03/24/2026

People-pleasing is common in my work with gay men, and something I've navigated in my own life.

The more I started to explore people-pleasing, the more I realized it's the result of a vow we make when we're very young.

If you've ever wondered why you tend to people-please and you want to learn more about vows, check out my latest article on Psychology Today.

It's also a topic I explore in depth in my forthcoming book, Becoming Worthy.

Link below to read more, and stay tuned for book updates…👇🏼
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lgbtq-affirmative-psychology/202603/why-gay-men-people-please

03/06/2026

The male gayzed is a term I coined inspired by feminist film critic Laura Mulvey’s concept of the male gaze, the idea that visual media has historically depicted women as objects of desire while men do the looking.

For gay men, something similar happens within our own community. The male gayzed, past tense, because it’s something that has been done to us.

It causes us to measure our worth by how closely we match narrow standards of attractiveness, masculinity, and physical perfection, and to view our own bodies through a distorted lens.

I wrote about it recently in Psychology Today and it’s a concept I explore in depth in my forthcoming book, Becoming Worthy.

Link below for the article, and stay tuned for updates about Becoming Worthy… ✍🏼😊👇🏼
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lgbtq-affirmative-psychology/202602/why-do-so-many-gay-men-hate-their-bodies

03/01/2026

Something that feels almost universal among gay men is body image.

I don't think I've ever met a single gay man who hasn't, at some point, struggled with how he sees his body.

There are many reasons for increased rates of body image challenges among gay men, but one of them is something I call the male gayzed.

What is the male gayzed?

And how does it inform the way gay men learn to see themselves?

I explore all of this in my latest article for Psychology Today, which was just selected as an Essential Read.

Check it out and please share with anyone who can benefit👇🏼

Gay men face unique pressures around body image. Understanding the "male gayzed" is the first step toward healing shame and seeing ourselves differently.

02/27/2026

The other day I went to The Grove in Los Angeles to drop off my laptop at the Apple Store to get my battery replaced.

After I left, I stopped into the Barnes & Noble. I love visiting bookstores and seeing if my book has made it onto the shelves.

Six years ago, when I was first working on my book proposal, one of the exercises I was told to do was to go to a bookstore and walk up and down the aisles envisioning where my book would live.

It helped me get clear on who my book was for and connect with my reader long before the book ever existed.

The place I did the “walk the aisles” exercise was at a Barnes & Noble, so when I walked into the iconic three-story Barnes & Noble at the Grove, I honestly didn’t expect to see my book there.

Not only was I surprised, but I was also grateful to see other LGBTQ-related parenting books in the parenting section, too. That wasn’t the case even just six years ago.

I even asked the employee if it was weird to sign a copy of my book—he said no and handed me an official “Signed Edition” sticker 😂

My hope is that Raising LGBTQ Allies can continue inspiring families to have open and honest conversations and help raise a new generation of LGBTQ allies despite everything happening politically right now.

If you ever feel stuck on something you care about, try the “walk the aisles” exercise.

Picture where your project lives and who it’s for. Connect to who you want to share your message with and trust that it will reach them in the right time and way ♥️

PS, if you’re in Los Angeles, go pick up your signed copy at Barnes & Noble Events, The Grove! 😉

02/22/2026

This week, Wired published an article about the network of gay men in the tech industry. The header image immediately caught my attention because it was homophobic.

The illustration depicts two hands shaking from the zipper of their pants, as if to suggest that gay men greet one another with their pen*ses.

It communicates that gay men are incapable of professional interaction without it being about s*x—reducing gay male relationships, even professional ones, to s*xuality in an article that was supposed to highlight gay men's influence.

I've been writing for various publications for years, and searching for header images is consistently frustrating.

The options are often limiting, reducing gay men and the LGBTQ community to a single story of tired stereotypes—a perfect example of structural homophobia at play.

In my clinical work, I see how damaging this is. It reinforces the unconscious self-perception many gay men have about themselves and their worth.

Check out my latest article for Psychology Today where I go deeper into the subject and what we can do to push back.

Link below to read and share with anyone who can benefit👇🏼

A recent "Wired" article reduced gay men to tired stereotypes. Here's how media narratives become internalized and what we can do to push back.

02/12/2026

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, my latest piece for Psychology Today was just published!

I’m grateful that it was selected as an Essential Read and featured in the News feed on their homepage.

I explore why many gay men code-switch their voice when dating and how early messages about masculinity and safety can continue to influence how we relate to ourselves and others.

I had the chance to speak with Zachary Zane, Grindr’s s*x and relationship expert, to bring more attention to this topic.

Thank you for sharing your insight and experience, Zach!

Read more👇🏼
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lgbtq-affirmative-psychology/202602/why-gay-men-code-switch-their-voice-when-dating

02/03/2026

Most couples therapy models are taught through a heteronormative lens.

Gay men are often left adapting frameworks that were never designed with our relationships in mind.

On the Friend of Dorothy Podcast, I had the chance to talk about couples therapy for gay men—and to explore intimacy and conflict, s*x and communication, and the unconscious relational patterns many of us recreate with our partners from childhood.

If you’re in a relationship, or thinking about one, I hope this episode is of benefit. Link below to watch👇🏼

Have you ever considered couples therapy? What comes up for you when you think about it?

This is one every gay man in a relationship — or thinking about one — should hear.In this episode of Q***r Conversations: A Friend of Dorothy Podcast, we sit...

01/29/2026

Loneliness is one of the most common issues that comes up in the work I do with gay men.

Regardless of age, it's a topic that comes up repeatedly in therapy.

Loneliness is rarely about being alone. More often, it's about holding thoughts, feelings, or experiences we don't feel safe sharing.

Psychologist Carl Jung said, "Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you."

Grateful to have this piece published in The Advocate.

If this resonates with you and you're thinking about therapy, I'm accepting new clients for telehealth therapy in California👇🏼
https://www.aroadtriptolove.com

Loneliness is a common struggle for gay men, often stemming from a fear of sharing our true selves. How can we break free from this isolation and find genuine connection? Chris Tompkins, a therapist specializing in working with gay men, offers insight and guidance on the path to healing and belonging.

01/27/2026

The terms religious trauma, religious abuse, adverse religious experiences, and religious harm are often used interchangeably. In my experience, religious harm often makes the conversation more accessible early on and allows people to stay connected to their own experience without feeling labeled.

Religious harm doesn’t require extreme or visibly abusive environments, and it isn’t unique to the LGBTQ community.

It can happen in many seemingly ordinary, socially accepted ways.

Link in bio to read more in my latest article on Psychology Today, which was selected as an Essential Read👇🏼
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lgbtq-affirmative-psychology/202601/why-religious-harm-isnt-always-recognized-as-trauma

01/26/2026

Being taught that a higher power is against you is one of the most damaging wounds a person can receive and it influences how we relate to ourselves and the world.

Even after leaving religion, the belief that something is wrong often leaves a psychological imprint.

Grateful to have my latest article on Psychology Today selected as an Essential Read.

Read and share with someone it may benefit👇🏼

Many people live with shame and self-doubt tied to religious messages without realizing it. How to recognize religious harm and make choices from your own values.