Chris Tompkins

02/03/2026

Most couples therapy models are taught through a heteronormative lens.

Gay men are often left adapting frameworks that were never designed with our relationships in mind.

On the Friend of Dorothy Podcast, I had the chance to talk about couples therapy for gay men—and to explore intimacy and conflict, s*x and communication, and the unconscious relational patterns many of us recreate with our partners from childhood.

If you’re in a relationship, or thinking about one, I hope this episode is of benefit. Link below to watch👇🏼

Have you ever considered couples therapy? What comes up for you when you think about it?

This is one every gay man in a relationship — or thinking about one — should hear.In this episode of Q***r Conversations: A Friend of Dorothy Podcast, we sit...

01/29/2026

Loneliness is one of the most common issues that comes up in the work I do with gay men.

Regardless of age, it's a topic that comes up repeatedly in therapy.

Loneliness is rarely about being alone. More often, it's about holding thoughts, feelings, or experiences we don't feel safe sharing.

Psychologist Carl Jung said, "Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you."

Grateful to have this piece published in The Advocate.

If this resonates with you and you're thinking about therapy, I'm accepting new clients for telehealth therapy in California👇🏼
https://www.aroadtriptolove.com

Loneliness is a common struggle for gay men, often stemming from a fear of sharing our true selves. How can we break free from this isolation and find genuine connection? Chris Tompkins, a therapist specializing in working with gay men, offers insight and guidance on the path to healing and belonging.

01/27/2026

The terms religious trauma, religious abuse, adverse religious experiences, and religious harm are often used interchangeably. In my experience, religious harm often makes the conversation more accessible early on and allows people to stay connected to their own experience without feeling labeled.

Religious harm doesn’t require extreme or visibly abusive environments, and it isn’t unique to the LGBTQ community.

It can happen in many seemingly ordinary, socially accepted ways.

Link in bio to read more in my latest article on Psychology Today, which was selected as an Essential Read👇🏼
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lgbtq-affirmative-psychology/202601/why-religious-harm-isnt-always-recognized-as-trauma

01/26/2026

Being taught that a higher power is against you is one of the most damaging wounds a person can receive and it influences how we relate to ourselves and the world.

Even after leaving religion, the belief that something is wrong often leaves a psychological imprint.

Grateful to have my latest article on Psychology Today selected as an Essential Read.

Read and share with someone it may benefit👇🏼

Many people live with shame and self-doubt tied to religious messages without realizing it. How to recognize religious harm and make choices from your own values.

01/12/2026

Have you ever been going about your day feeling fine, then all of a sudden someone else’s attitude, response, or something they said throws you off—and now you’re having a sh*tty day?

I wrote about this in my latest article for Elephant Journal, inspired by an empty water bottle I found on a hike.

It may or may not help prevent littering, but it might help you notice when you’re taking on someone else’s trash 😉

On my way back after a long hike, I saw an empty water bottle lying in front of me. As I was getting closer, something inside told me to pick it up. I remember thinking,

01/09/2026

I’m really proud of my latest article on Psychology Today because I think it’s an important conversation.

For a long time, I thought I struggled with confidence. When I learned that I wasn’t necessarily lacking confidence, but that my nervous system didn’t feel safe, it changed how I saw myself.

Many gay men struggle with confidence, and because of stigma or shame, we pretend to be confident externally while inside we feel really insecure.

This isn’t a uniquely gay male experience, but it’s one of the core themes of my forthcoming book that I’m so excited to share more about soon.

For now, check out the full article and let me know your thoughts.

Have you ever thought you struggled with confidence?👇🏼

What we often misunderstand about confidence—and how understanding your nervous system can help.

01/02/2026

Why “confidence” is the wrong goal.

Most advice gay men get around dating, visibility, work, or relationships is about confidence.

“Just put yourself out there.”
“Fake it till you make it.”
“Work on your self-esteem.”
“Be more confident.”

But confidence assumes something crucial.

That the nervous system already feels safe enough to take interpersonal risk.

For a lot of us, especially if we grew up constantly self-monitoring around family, peers, or authority figures, confidence isn’t what’s missing. Safety is.

When safety is missing, confidence ends up feeling forced, performative, draining, short-lived.

Then, when we don’t feel confident, shame often creeps in and says we’re doing something wrong, or that we need to “try harder,” or that something is wrong with us. But that isn’t true.

What’s really missing is safety. We don’t need more confidence, we need a nervous system that feels safe.

Therein lies the work 🙏🏼

*Working on Chapter 3 of my book…stay tuned 🙂

01/02/2026

Grateful to share my latest interview today.

I had the honor of speaking with Rick Clemons on the 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Podcast about one of the most common issues I hear about in therapy.

Check out the full episode and share it with anyone who could benefit👇🏼

Lonely doesn’t mean broken.

For to many gay men, It often means you're disconnected from yourself first.

In this episode, Chris Tompkins - love - and I talk about why so many gay men feel isolated even with apps, bars, friends, and full calendars.

We unpack sobriety, shame, aging, and the pressure to “have it together.”

If connection feels hard lately, this conversation might say what you’ve been afraid to admit, but needed to hear.

🎧 Listen Here - https://bit.ly/3YJAnqV

12/20/2025

I’m excited to share that my latest article for Psychology Today was just published and it's been selected as an Essential Read!

“Do You Want Non-Monogamy, or Do You Think You Should?" explores something I hear often in my therapy practice—gay men agreeing to open relationships before they've really asked themselves if it's what they want.

Open relationships can absolutely work. But when the choice comes from pressure, comparison, or fear of seeming "less evolved," it often leads to disconnection rather than intimacy.

Whether you're monogamous, non-monogamous, or somewhere in between, I hope this article helps you clarify what you actually want—for yourself and your partner.

Read it here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lgbtq-affirmative-psychology/202512/do-you-want-non-monogamy-or-do-you-think-you-should

If you're a gay man or couple navigating questions about monogamy, non-monogamy, or relationship dynamics, I'd love to support you. Reach out for a consultation.

12/17/2025

One of my greatest teachers was Louise Hay. Her book You Can Heal Your Life quite literally changed my life.

Long before becoming a therapist, I was a licensed workshop leader, bringing her teachings into places like Los Angeles Central Juvenile Hall and the LA LGBT Center.

Louise Hay’s work is part of LGBTQ history, and I was grateful to share a little of my journey with her work on the What Would Louise Say show with Rev. Martine Bernard.

Check out a few clips here. The full interview is linked in my bio: 💗

12/17/2025

Thanks for sharing, Psychology Today!

If you’d like a deeper dive into the ideas I discuss here, you can read the full article below:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lgbtq-affirmative-psychology/202510/change-your-schemas-change-your-life