05/28/2022
The problem you have is not the problem.
The problem is the state that you enter the problem in.
Managing your state is a flawed approach. The state itself already has reinforcing biological responses built into it, so even if you try to "act differently" while you're in that state, you're up against a whole slew of physiology that is telling your brain to "feel this," despite your best efforts. Trying to manage your state is literally a battle of wills with your brain.
Every state, whether useful or detrimental has its own physiology associated with it: a breathing pattern and posture and bodily tension holding pattern.
If you're in a stressed state, your breathing will be short, erratic and repetitive. It's predictable. Your posture will be tense and rigid. Your breathing and posture patterns are specific and repeated every time you get into that state. It is partly in this predictive response pattern that the state gets reinforced. Being in it makes your perceptions seem real, when in fact, it's the tension patterns themselves (not reality) that are telling the brain how to respond. "I perceived ___, therefore, be in this state." (for better or worse.)
The quickest and easiest way to change an unwanted state is to first become aware of how you are breathing and then your physiology, in that order. It is in this way that you aren't trying to manage or control the biological processes inherent in the state but rather becoming aware of them.
Firstly, notice your breathing pattern. Then... gently... change it, slowly, deliberately. Easy does it.
Next, notice the tension pattern your body is holding while in that state. Stretch a little, tiny bit and allow the muscles to relax just enough that you notice. Go slowly. Be present with the changes so that choice enters your picture, and you can consciously change your response.
This changing affects the feedback loop to the brain and can lead to a new choice and thus a new state.
Once in a new state, "the problem" may appear differently to you., or at least, you can respond differently to it.
Let me know in the comments below how this approach goes for you! I've found it to be useful as long as I keep this in mind: "A mutually beneficial outcome is more important than me being right."