blindspot.light (2025)

10/01/2024

I’m in the practice of taking full responsibility for my choices, my life, and the reality I create. It’s revolutionarily freeing as well as a tremendously confronting.

I’m in the practice of looking inward rather than placing blame on someone else or external circumstances. I ask myself:
“How have my choices led me here?”
“What choices am I making that aren’t serving me?”
“Are my choices in alignment with my values and what I desire?”

We always have a choice. Maybe external circumstances got us to an undesirable place, but we get to choose how we respond or react.

We can choose to withhold -to never share the vulnerable thing- or we can choose to reveal, to feel, and be seen. We can choose to open our hearts to love despite being broken in the past, or we can choose protection and shut it out. We can choose what’s familiar and what we know, or we can choose to venture out of our comfort zone and expand our vision of what’s possible.

We constantly have opportunities to make choices, and in the end our choices make us.

02/01/2024

In 2023 I fell madly, deeply in love. This was also a year where I lost myself.

No one talks about the grief you feel entering into a new relationship (especially after years of being single). The loss of complete selfishness, freedom, and independence.

It feels wrong to name the grief when my relationship is so full of love, intimacy, abundance, playfulness, and fun. But my grief has nothing to do with him or our relationship, and everything to do with me.

So much of my healing is relational, in that when I’m single I feel wholly confident because I get to be completely independent, selfish with my energy, and focus on my own needs. But when I’m in a relationship I become codependent, my anxious-attachment kicks in, and I lose sight of my individual needs & desires.
—
About a week ago my partner reflected to me that he’s been feeling more of a dependency coming from me and I had SUCH a reaction.

First it looked like rationalization, then it looked like defensiveness, and now —several days later— I’m finally understanding the emotion underneath. It’s loneliness.

I’m catching myself in that codependent pattern. I block myself from the multiple streams of love that used to flow into me—the friends, community, and connections that nourished me. Instead I unconsciously expect one person to fill the role of what my whole community could.

So my intention for 2024 is ☯️balance.☯️
To nourish myself, my friendships, and my relationship. To focus on building my business & work in a way that feels creative/nourishing rather than draining/depleting.
To integrate all parts of myself in a healthy, authentic, and compassionate way.

Cheers to a new year, new opportunities, and new possibilities 🙏✨

27/10/2023

Many of my clients are wealthy, successful, and sad.

Societal norms are changing and people’s desires are awakening. We’re conditioned in western society that prioritizing ourselves is selfish, because our society isn’t based on self-care or mental health.

Your self-worth is not correlated to your productivity or output. What you do is not necessarily who you are. I’m not saying “don’t work hard.” Anything worth having requires hard work, just make sure you’re working towards the things that matter to YOU.

When you have everything you “should” want, and yet you’re still unfulfilled or searching for your purpose, ask yourself: what would I be doing if money didn’t matter? That’s your soul purpose, and it’s starving feeding into capitalistic ideals.

27/09/2023

Many of us feel anxious and develop perfectionist tendencies because we're trying to do G/d's job by trying to control everything.

Control makes us feel safe because when we have control, we have predictability. It’s a protective behavior and it’s probably kept us safe in the past. But the reality is we have no control over things or circumstances outside of ourselves. When we exert control over others, it’s manipulation.

The more we control, the less peaceful we feel because we don’t trust what could happen if we simply let things be.
❕I’m not saying to sit back, relax, and expect things to go your way.❕
I’m emphasizing the importance of learning how to take action and letting go of any expectations, attachments, or plans for how it should unfold. Do something without following it up with excessive worry.

Hand it over to your higher power and trust that it will go the way it’s meant to, even if it’s not the way you want it to.

11/09/2023

Boundaries are for us, they’re not meant to control others. Boundaries don’t ask for someone to stop their behavior, they let the other person know how you will respond when they behave in that way.

We can easily blame others for not upholding our boundaries. When I feel this way, I check-in with myself:
- Am I upholding my boundary?
- Have I communicated my needs and how their behavior impacts me?
- How am I contributing to this dynamic?

When we clearly hold our boundaries, there is no need to blame the other person because our boundaries are protecting us from that harmful behavior.

06/09/2023

Compatibility is a key element to any longterm relationship. It doesn’t mean you need to agree on everything or have the same hobbies or interests, but it means that you are fundamentally in alignment with your values, priorities, and beliefs.

31/08/2023

“I’m feeling smothered” he said to me.

This was only a few months into dating. I didn’t yet feel secure in our relationship and it had been days or weeks since I last felt connected to him. I felt myself wanting to collapse inward. My biggest insecurity is being perceived as needy, and I twisted his words to touch that wound right where it would hurt the most.

With my wounds activated, I went to one of my mentors and shared what he said, wanting her to see me in my hurt and meet me in my victim. But she didn’t. She listened and when I finished venting, she said “Erica, this is beautiful! You’ve been wanting him to share his feelings with you, and now he is. You want him to hold your big emotions, and this is an opportunity for you to hold his. He isn’t saying YOU’RE smothering him, he’s sharing that he’s FEELING smothered.”

I sat with this for a long moment. My victim mindset began to dissolve and my power began to come back to me. I knew that my old patterns of challenging him and reacting from a place of hurt would only further the disconnection between us and would only cause him to shut off from me (the opposite of what I wanted). So I whipped out my proverbial tool-belt, I grounded myself, and I softened.

I heard my coach ‘s voice telling her story of attracting a divine masculine man, and how she learned to stand in her feminine spine when he’d yield his masculine sword.

And I wept. No longer from a place of hurt, but from a place of gratitude. I attracted this beautiful, strong, confident, fiercely loving & protective man into my life. He’s directly sharing with me how he’s feeling, and now it’s my choice whether to receive it or not.

——

This is feminine embodiment work. It’s not submitting to a man. It’s developing the skill to discern where I choose to put my time, energy, and attention. It’s building community, self-love, and self-worth; all while learning to take radical self-responsibility.

30/08/2023

When you invest in personal growth work and start to heal parts of yourself that felt unworthy or unwanted, your life will change.

And the first step is usually allowing your old life, old relationship, old patterns, crumble away. It feels utterly terrifying and inconvenient, like you’re being asked to give up everything you have. Because you are.

Transformation doesn’t just happen. People who live magnificently abundant lives often had to give up the life that was given to them in order to create the one that’s aligned for them.

Transformation isn’t for everyone. It’s hard and requires support, whether it’s from community or your higher power. It asks you to give up control in order to receive unexpected blessings. It asks you to make room for something better.

23/08/2023

Performing and hiding behind a facade feels safe because it protects us from feeling true rejection. It’s also prevents us from forming genuine connections.

Many of my clients who struggle with anxiety and depression hide it so well around their friends and family. And yet hiding it only feeds the anxiety and depression because they’re not being authentic and they’re missing out on building intimate human connections because they’re not allowing themselves to be truly seen or known.

Most of us want the same things. To be loved, to belong, and to have purpose. Strip away the masks and facades and performances and at our core we’re all so similar.

Here’s some gentle reminders to be authentically yourself.

14/08/2023

Overthinking can get in the way of living authentically.

The more we think, the less we feel, and the less action we take. We create imaginary scenarios and outcomes in our minds that may feel like we’re taking action, and may result in a feeling, but these are all happening within us. And life happens outside of us.

01/08/2023

Approaching the topic of exes with a romantic partner feels SO triggering for me. I revert to a competitive, immature, mean girl. It activates my scarcity mindset, which triggers my negative and limiting beliefs about myself. These beliefs lie to me, saying that simply because this person has been in love before or has experienced deep, meaningful connections in prior relationships, this somehow takes away from our current relationship. My fear tells me: “you’re not enough.”

When I’m triggered, I get tunnel vision and
my unhealed sisterhood wounds become activated. I see it as her versus me. I have to be better. I have to “outdo” her. I have to “win.” My insecure parts use so much energy creating this imaginary competition, that I have little energy left to nourish the relationship I’m so afraid of losing.
I create a problem within OUR relationship that’s entirely built on MY insecurities and which actually have nothing to do with THEM. They’re not the one bringing their past into the present— I am.

😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

This is an opportunity for me to whip out my tool belt - the one I’ve been cultivating and building for years - in preparation for moments like these. Before I react or respond, I focus on my breath. I refocus my energy from external comparison to internal compassion. I validate my feelings and thank my protective behaviors for showing up. I do my best to get out of my head and ground into my body.

Once I move through this trigger, my insecurities settle down and I can feel and think clearly. I see the impact of my actions and how I’ve unfairly brought them into my spiral when they’ve done nothing wrong.
I can observe the same situation but this time from a place of groundedness, abundance, and gratitude:
Thank goodness for the relationships they’ve had before me! Thank goodness for all of the lessons they’ve learned, growth they’ve gone through, and love they’ve let go of. Just as I’ve been on my own journey, they’ve been on theirs. Nothing is wrong. Everything we’ve been through has gotten us to where we are today and that is priceless.

24/07/2023

Anxiety has a bad rap.
It’s the body’s instinctual alarm that something is not right. Like any alarm, the more we ignore it, the louder and more intense it becomes.

Similarly, we’ve been taught to think of anxiety as a deficit when really it mirrors our level of creativity. I think of artists and musicians. Artists can visualize a piece in their mind and create it with their desired medium so that others can see. Musicians can hear a tune in their mind and then actualize it so it exists with the possibility for others to hear.

These folks who create ideas and turn them into reality can also do this with their worries. They interact with the world as if their greatest fears are true, and this propels a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Imagination and creativity are wonderful skills! The biggest difference between creating art and creating an anxious mind is that art allows people’s internal worlds to be seen and felt, while anxiety prevents people from being seen and felt due to their internal world feeling unworthy of being shared.

blindspot.light