06/02/2020
Went out on leave to challenge dinner, mind was screaming run away, you don't have to eat, no one will know. Than a second of clarity followed by the thought but you will know so i called up my brother and my friend and got them to tell me it will be ok. Though it doesn't feel like it will be ok right now i continue to try remind myself but i did it and this feeling im currently feeling will pass. Repeating the words this to shall pass until eventually it does. F**k anorexia i spent most of today crying because i realized how much this disorder has its grips on me and i am so done letting it. I may lapse but i will never stop fighting.