Continuing Bonds Collective

13/03/2023

There will be days when your grief is deep and consuming, dark and lonely. I hope you find refuge in supportive friends, family, and counselors on the days when you most need someone to sit beside you in that darkness.

There will be days when your grief is a bit more subtle and silent, content with buzzing in the background instead of being center stage. I hope you don’t feel guilty for the days when this allows you to feel joy or hope. These days are so deeply important as you move forward at your own pace.

There will be days when your grief changes on a dime, demanding different things from you moment to moment, giving you emotional whiplash as you try and keep up. I hope you are gentle with yourself on these days. Your heart is looking for ways to process a love that has changed due to loss (a love that is still present, but in a different way). That is a lot of work on a weary soul.

There will be days when your grief softens enough to allow your mind to wander in memories, to rejoice in remembering, to allow the light to trickle in to the most painful spaces. And on those days, I hope you let the comfort surround you like a warm sweater. I hope you let the light in and feel it surrounding you.

Because grief will bring about many different kinds of days. May we take them one day at a time, one moment at a time, and make room for the tension that it brings. ✨🌹

31/12/2022

After Dorothy died there were many who assured me that I would move on.

They phrased it like a promise — a reassurance that one day soon I would set down my grief and return to a life of happiness. In my early days of grief, when my mind was numb and I couldn’t speak, I would just nod in reply. I didn’t want to argue, but it seemed unfathomable that I would ever be able to move on from the trauma of losing my child.

As I became accustomed to my grieving heart, I began to resent the notion of moving on. I felt like a failure because my grief was not matching up with the time constraints that others were placing upon me.

I was angry at the timeline being put on my grief.

The more people urged me to move on from Dorothy’s death the more firmly I planted my feet.

The concept of moving on terrified me because, I naively thought that I could only move on if I left my daughter behind. If I wanted any chance at living life beyond her death, then Dorothy could not come with me. There was no way I was going to leave my child behind, so I sunk further into my anger and depression.

If this was where Dorothy lived, then this is where I would live too.

I struggled for many months, living on the cusp of the life I felt ready to return to and the life I was afraid to let go of. The problem was, I didn’t know how to live in both worlds.

So, I didn’t.

Instead, I made the decision to move forward and to bring her with me.

Before Dorothy died, I believed in the misconception that moving on meant forgetting. Now I know that it doesn’t have to be that way.

After the death of a loved one, you are allowed to move forward in life and you can bring the person you miss with you.

I no longer view grief as a timeline, I now understand that grief is forever because love is forever.

My grief may feel like a buden, but my daughter is not. Carrying her has given me the strength to carry the grief that would otherwise weigh me down.

So, to those who promised me that I would move on. You were right. I have moved on after the death of my daughter — and I’m taking her with me. It’s just as it should be.

19/12/2022

15/12/2022

Once upon a time, the world was right.

When the world was right, our hearts beat together. The future included us. Together.

When the world was right, we could speak your name without pangs, and all our plans centered on our togetherness. When the world was right, it was beautiful.

We never (ever) planned for this apartness.

Now, we just miss our right world.
We miss you more than we can say.
We miss you this holiday season.
We miss you every single day.

With love & compassion to all
as many countdown to Christmas.
And may your broken hearts have a safe place to land,
Dr. Jo

13/12/2022

Christmas time can be a very tricky time for grieving couples to navigate. Couples Therapist, Dianna Giles, from Restored Wellbeing, shares her insights about what can come up and tips to manage this end of year time. Dianna is available for couples counselling both online and in our Ashgrove Office. Please visit our website to book in.

Grief & Loss Counselling and Therapy for Couples in Brisbane and Online. Support for pregnancy loss, baby loss or child loss. Perinatal Couples Therapist Dianna Giles is here to help with appointments available.

09/12/2022

You are not alone - here is a mother who has walked this path before you. Sometimes it can help to hear what the future holds, without forcing yourself to move towards it any faster than you can.

In 2010, when I was 36.5 weeks pregnant my daughter Georgie was stillborn. It's an indescribable agony - losing a baby - and something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

One of the ways I honour Georgie is by sponsoring the cost of a Precious Wings memory box every month for another family in Georgie's name. Every month, $15 is direct debited from my account -- I don't even think about it -- but it goes towards providing a memory box for another family who are going through the living horror that is losing a child or a pregnancy. Precious Wings didn't exist when I lost her. I wish it had.

If you are one of the millions of women who have suffered such a loss -- I see you. And I know that this time of year can be brutal.

If you're looking for a tangible way to honour that child - consider supporting Precious Wings. Perhaps you could sponsor the cost of a memory box in memory of your little one.

It pains me to think that just this morning, someone out there has been told the words, "I'm sorry but there's no heartbeat ..."

I want you to know that you WILL be happy again. It doesn't feel like it now but I promise you -- you can be happy with a fractured heart.

Below are some articles and interviews I've done about losing Georgie and how I have survived the past 12 years . For those of you who are newly grieving, I hope it helps.

How Losing Georgie Was A Gift: a story about Post Traumatic Growth https://rebeccasparrow.com/the-light-that-comes-from-loss/

TURIA PITT IS HARD WORK - podcast interview: https://www.audible.com.au/pd/How-to-process-loss-after-stillbirth-use-the-childs-name-in-conversation-Podcast/B0BF9K38R1

NO FILTER with Mia Freedman: Surviving and Thriving After Loss https://radiopublic.com/no-filter-WeJq1J/s1!241fe

ABC Radio interview about losing Georgie with Rebecca Levingston https://www.abc.net.au/local/stories/2013/10/14/3868724.htm

I Was Hurting And This Is What Helped
https://rebeccasparrow.com/i-was-hurting-and-this-is.../

Find Support at Precious Wings and Sands Australia

This is one of my favourite poems - The Storms Will Come by Tyler Knott. Sending love to every parent who has lost a child. Know that I am saying their name and wishing you and them love. ###

25/11/2022

So true