Making Sense of Adolescence: Before, during, and beyond

06/06/2024

It's been a minute since I've shared anything but had to come on and share this. At times, I've heard parent responses as (especially for young kids and adolescents) "you're too young to know what you are" or "this is a fad". Whatever it is, your response is so incredibly important so slow down and think of how can I show support regardless of what I might think? Love Dr. Becky- she has some great parenting advice!!

Coming out is a way of saying, “I am allowing something inside of me to surface to the outside. I am trusting you with this part of myself.”

This is a invitation to connect. It is not a matter of debate or an opportunity to question... it is an opening of a door and an opportunity to validate.

So, when our kids share parts of their identity with us, let’s respond with affirmation and pride. After all, a parent’s voice becomes a kid’s self-talk: When we celebrate them for who they are, they’re much more likely to love and celebrate *themselves* for who they are.

31/01/2024

I am going to be starting a group for teenage girls that will begin in March. It really is for the girl who struggles with making friendships, feels alone, might have experienced bullying or unkindness, and as a parent you might have wondered "why can't she have a best friend?" I am going to connect the girls with each other to gain support but more importantly teach them social skills that help them gain the confidence to make connections with others whereas typically they would've put up a wall or avoided interactions. Feel free to share with any parent that you feel has a daughter that could use the support.

02/11/2023

I was waiting to share this as my daughter was trying it out and seeing if it was as great as the hype of it was. My colleague and good friend recommended Big Life Journal to me since I work with several adolescents and teens. It is 100% worth trying. As adults, we love self-help books and activities. This book is an empowering tool for teens- helping them gain insight, develop coping skills, and promote resilience. I loved it so much I bought the younger child version to do with my 7 year old child. Just wanted to pass along in case you are looking for a tool for your child to work on at home.

https://biglifejournal.com/collections/teens/products/big-life-journal-teen-edition

30/10/2023

If your children/teens are struggling but they still refuse to speak with somebody, do not lose hope. Find a therapist that specializes in working with resistant teens. There are so many tools/approaches that help a therapist form a relationship with a teen that does not want to engage in therapy. Remember, regardless of the age, the therapeutic relationship is the single most important component of therapy. The attached document is directed more towards clinicians but really provides insight as to how certain approaches can minimize the defenses of a guarded teen.

https://www.counseling.org/docs/default-source/vistas/encouraging-teenagers.pdf

11/10/2023

Difficult conversations are a must with everything going on in our world today. Check in on each other- many are not okay, including our children. There is a lot of fear and trauma- meaning the importance of a safe space is imperative. Make your home the safest space possible by opening communication and supporting each other, even through difficult conversations.

I use the term vicarious traumatization often because I feel it genuinely captures our current experiences. It was initially coined as a term for those in the helping profession working with trauma patients. However, I argue that everything we see in the media, the stories we are hearing, the images we are witnessing, can all trigger our own trauma responses. Even reading the message yesterday recommending we remove social media from our children's phones before horrific images and videos are shared triggered a fear response within me.

I've attached some resources to help you navigate talking to your children about what is happening in Israel. If you need something more specific don't hesitate to message me. Remember, it is always better for you to have this conversation with your children rather than having them hear it from a fearful peer. Praying for peace

https://www.kveller.com/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-whats-happening-in-israel-right-now/?utm_content=buffer3df1e&utm_medium=social&utm_source=kvellerfacebook&utm_campaign=buffer&fbclid=IwAR0aGmVXjpfofd2kj-5O3YCCjeBAnRVcXvPwAxe6ISD8fgeX5r88t0WkQW0

04/10/2023

Our internal voice is THE most important voice we hear day in and day out. I once read something (I wish I could find it!!) that said 80% of the thoughts we say internally we would NEVER think of saying to someone else. Why are we so hard on ourselves? The worst part is that it becomes quickly habit forming at such a young age to have a criticizing/negative inner voice. Take some time to notice your thoughts throughout the day. Most of them are so automatic we don't even realize how hard we are on ourselves. Check in with your children and help them recognize how important being their own best friend is.... It starts with our inner voice ❤️

02/10/2023

I haven't been able to think of much else besides the 9 year old girl missing and her family. I've had a few people reach out asking how to talk to their children about it so I thought I'd post some helpful resources (mostly focused on stranger danger) and share my thoughts.

Firstly, and the most important reminder, is that children respond to our emotions far more than our words. Of course, we are all highly emotional and panicked for Charlotte and her family and also the hypothetical fear of how close to home this feels. However, when we sit and talk with our children we have to be mindful of being matter of fact so they hear our words.

Second, you can have this conversation at ANY age. The conversation I had with my 13 year old today was very different than my 7 year old but both had the same theme: safety.

The resources below are great guides on having difficult conversations with your child and stranger danger. My biggest piece of advice is don't avoid talking for fear that you'll "worry" or "scare" your child. Those children that go to school will likely hear another child talk about Charlotte tomorrow. The best thing that can happen is that they are informed by you before they hear something from a peer. The resources below focus on stranger danger which is really helpful but doesn't fully address responding to an amber alert. Help your child understand why your alarm went off on your phone, the importance of stranger danger, but also what you do to help keep your child safe for reassurance.

Feel free to message me if you need some specific guidance- hugs to everyone.... even hearing a child is missing triggers vicarious traumatization. Praying Charlotte is found safe ASAP.

https://www.boystownpediatrics.org/knowledge-center/teach-child-about-strangers #:~:text=Stranger%20Danger%20Advice&text=Tell%20your%20child%20if%20he,t%20known%20to%20the%20family

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/teach-stranger-danger-in-4-easy-steps/

https://www.ojp.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/psfceng.pdf

13/09/2023

Saw this post and thought it was 100% spot on. How many of us feel like our kids treat us like their punching bag, especially when they are going through a hard time or stressed? It's incredible that we are their safe space but also incredibly draining that we take the hits. A combination of self-awareness and a toolbox of coping skills help our children learn to better recognize and cope. It also takes a lot of courage from you, as the parent, to say "I know you're hurting and I am here for you but I need to walk away from this."

11/09/2023

Welcome back to chaos!! I told myself I'll commit to posting 2-3 times a week now that the kids are back in school- hold me to it!!

In the meantime- I came across this post from Colby Kultgen called "Do These 5 Things After 7PM and Your Life Will Never
Be The Same" but you can find a few different versions of it. I find that, especially on a Monday, my stress is on another level and my kids feel it. Last night, my daughter was having trouble falling asleep so we did these 5 things and it really helped her. They are great reminders for us parents, but also great healthy pre-bedtime habits to teach our kids. My favorite line is "Imagine trying to park a car that's going 70 MPH"- very accurate depiction of our brains trying to fall asleep.

I have openings for 2-3 more clients so feel free to share my contact information with anyone you think needs support. I am seeing mostly adolescents but do have a few adult clients as well.

Share the post if you think others might find it helpful- here's to less chaos and better sleep for all 🤞🏻
Have a great week ❤️

10/08/2023

This is why being really familiar with your child's peers is so important

Dr. David M. Cullen conducted a 25-year Harvard study and found that your "reference group," (i.e. the people with whom you choose to spend most of your time with), has the power to impact you and your future in a profound way.

In fact, he found that 99% of your success depends on who you call "my friends."

If you hang with positive, successful, upbeat go-getters who are trying and growing and learning and doing their best to make something of themselves and their future, you WILL become more like them.

On the flip side, if you surround yourself with friends who don't care, skip class, don't try to better themselves, or couldn't care less about their future or improving themselves, you WILL become more like them.

Why? Because you're like a chameleon. You absorb the vibes and attitudes and behavior and "thinking" of those you hang with.

Dear teens, please choose your friends wisely. Someone once said, "You can't change the people around you, but you CAN change the people around you."
Think about that for a minute... 💜
~inspired by on IG

09/08/2023

This was a mic drop.

09/08/2023

Where has summer gone??? I am looking at my Facebook feed and seeing first day of school photos. I am totally in denial but thought it was a great reminder that as you start collecting school supplies and preparing your children for school, don't forget to also prepare their "Emotional Backpack". This obviously looks different depending on the age but even college age students benefit from preparing themselves mentally/emotionally. Make it a fun activity and have your children draw their own ideas of what should be in their emotional backpack. Welcome back to those that started the new school year!